Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 5
Carter N’ Sons BBQ
Ronnie Carter…..Bobby Moynihan
Father…..Fred Armisen
Mother…..Nasim Pedrad
Male Diner…..Andy Samberg
Elvis Impersonator…..Jason Sudeikis
[ open on disclaimer ]
Announcer: “The following commercial was filmed in 2002 before the outbreak of the Swine Flu virus”
[ dissolve to commercial ]
Ronnie Carter: Hi! I’m Ronnie Carter! Come on down to Carter N’ Sons, where, one taste of our signature pulled pork barbecue, and you’ll have…
Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!
Ronnie Carter: YEEEEE-HAWWWWW!!!
[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]
Announcer: The management of Carter N’ Sons would like to clarify that “Swine Fever” is not related to the H1N1 Virus, or “Swine Flu”.
[ Ronnie Carter approaches a family dining in his restaurant ]
Ronnie Carter: Howdy, folks! Enjoying your meal?
Father: Enjoying it? Heck, I got Swine Fever!
Mother: I got it!
Kids: WE got it!!
Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!
Ronnie Carter: THIS Swine Fever is CONTAGIOUS!
[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]
Announcer: “Swine Fever” is a metaphor meant to symbolize a craving for Carter N’ Songs Barbecue. It was created for an ad campaign several years ago, well before the “Swine Flu” or H1N1 epidemic.
[ cut to Male Diner eating at table ]
Male Diner: My doctor said this Swine Fever’s gonna be the death of me!
[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]
Announcer: “Swine Fever” is not contagious and not even a medically classifiable disease.
Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!
[ cut to table full of barbecue, with SUPER: ]
Announcer: We promised to shoot a new commercial soon but we didn’t have the money because business has been way down due to the confusion about “Swine Fever”.
[ cut to Elvis impersonator holding up a rib ]
Elvis Impersonator: I got Swine Fever, and I gots it bad! Thank you! Thank you very much!
Ronnie Carter: One taste of Carter N’ Sons, and you’re GUARANTEED to leave with…
Jingle: SWIIIIIIIINE FEVER!!!
Ronnie Carter: And the only cure for Swine Fever is… MORE BARBECUE!! [ he wipes the sweat from his brow ] Hoo-wee! I hope we have enough!
[ cut to barbecue plate ]
Ronnie Carter V/O: And don’t forget to try our special Sausage And Ribs Sampler!
[ new disclaimer appears over this part of the commercial ]
Announcer: We recognize that this spells S.A.R.S. We regret the coincidence.
[ cut back to Ronnie Carter laughing ]
Ronnie Carter: I’ll see you there!
[ fade ]