SNL Transcripts: January Jones: 11/14/09

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 6


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:

November 14th, 2009

January Jones

Black Eyed Peas

None

Darrell Hammond

None

A Message from the Vice-President of the United StatesSummary: While President Obama is out of the country, Joe Biden (Jason Sudeikis) plans to quickly solve the Health Care dilemma.

Recurring Characters: Joe Biden.

Transcript

Montage

January Jones’ MonologueSummary: January Jones meets obsessed “Man Men” fans, the “Mad Mennies” (Jason, Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Fred Armisen).

Transcript

TodaySummary: While singing, Kathie Lee Gifford (Kristen Wiig) is assaulted by members of the Black Eyed Peas.

Recurring Characters: Kathy Lee Gifford, Hoda Kotb.

Rear WindowSummary: While filming her first scene in an Alfred Hitchcock (Bobby Moynihan) movie, Grace Kelly (January Jones) can’t stop farting.

Recurring Characters: Alfred Hitchcock, Jimmy Stewart.

WIIX NewsSummary: Once again, reporter Michelle Dison (Kristeen Wiig) finds herself strangely attracted to the young woman (January Jones) she’s interviewing for a story.

Recurring Characters: Gil, Michaelle Dison.

Transcript

A Lady’s Guide to Throwing a PartySummary: In a 1952 short film, a housewife (January Jones) demonstrates proper party-throwing etiquette to make her husband (Bill Hader) look good in front of his peers.

Transcript

Black Eyed Peas perform “I Gotta Feeling”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Lou Dobbs (Darrell Hammond) uses racist rremarks to explain why he’s leaving CNN. Kim Kardeshian (Nasim Pedrad) can only talk about herself while attempting to discuss her sister’s celebrity-studded wedding. Jon Bovi (Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte) sing lyrics instead of commenting on the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Recurring Characters: Lou Dobbs, Jon Bovi.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. HydeSummary: Dr. Jekyll (Bill Hader) seeks more funding for his serum, which relunctantly turns him into a gay Mr. Hyde.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: No matter what room he enters, a guy (Fred Armisen) can’t avoid walking in on his roommate (Andy Samberg) while he’s on the toilet.

Transcript

Black Eyed Peas perform “Meet Me Halfway”

Cloud GazingSummary: Jason (Jason Sudeikis) tries to get romantic with Kelly (January Jones) while looking up at clouds, even though she clearly has no imagination skills.

Transcript

Goodnights/Black Eyed Peas perform “Boom Boom Pow”Transcript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Glamour GirlSummary: A crisis breaks out, but superhero Glamour Girl (January Jones) is slow to react because she takes too much time getting herself put together.

The Cougar Denb>Summary: Jacqueline Seka (Kristen Wiig), and two new friends (Abby Elliott, Jenny Slate) interview a pair of airline stewardesses (January Jones, Fergie).

Recurring Characters: Jacqueline Seka, Kenneth.

Kickspit Underground Rock FestivalSummary: DJ Super Soak (Jason Sudeikis) and fellow emcee (January Jones) promote an under-underground rock festival.

Recurring Characters: DJ Super Soak.

Note: This sketch would be tweaked and later performed on the episode hosted by Blake Lively.

Tyson ProductsSummary: Mike Tyson (Kenan Thompson) promotes his frozen dinner line to a hungry family.

Recurring Characters: Mike Tyson.

Huckler’s PopcornSummary: Spokeswomen (January Jones, Jenny Slate) pitch popcorn product.

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