Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 6
[ open on couple lying down on the grass somewhere in San Francisco, with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background ]
Jason: I’m so glad we did this.
Kelly: I know. It’s the perfect first date, with the perfect man.
Jason: [ he chuckles, as he gazes into the sky ] Look at all these clouds. It’s too bad we already ate — there might be a chance of meatballs!
Kelly: [ she laughs with him ] What?
Jason: Oh, uh, it’s… just a reference to that movie, “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”?
Kelly: Ohhh. That’s funny. Sorry, I haven’t seen a movie in a while. The last one I saw in the theater was probably… “The Wiz”?
Jason: [ incredulous ] “The Wiz”? Wow, that’s — you saw that in the theaters?
Kelly: Yeah, I “Wiz” not that into seeing movies! [ she laughs out loud at this joke ]
Jason: [ laughing ] Yeah… yeah… [ pointing ] Hey, look at that cloud. It’s like a sailboat, you know? You see, there’s the mast, and the sail, and the hull of the ship right there.
Kelly: [ looking ] Hmm… It doesn’t really look like a ship, it looks more like a… puffy, cloudy, cloud blob.
Jason: Yeah. Yeah, I mean that’s… more accurate, I guess. I just thought it might be more fun to, you know, use your imagination. You know? “Use your illusion”! [ he laughs ]
Kelly: [ laughing ] What?
Jason: Ah, that’s a Guns N’ Roses reference. I thought you might have listened to Guns N’ Roses growing up.
Kelly: Ohhhhh… that’s funny. That’s music, right? God, I can’t remember the last song I heard. Oh! It was “Muskrat Love”, by Captain & Tennille!
Jason: That’s the last song you heard?
Kelly: Well, it’s the last new song I heard. And, right now, I’m in “Muskrat Love” with these clouds! [ she laughs out loud at this joke ]
Jason: [ speechless ] Yeah. You’re very pretty. [ he chuckles ] Hey, what about that cloud? What do you think that looks like?
Kelly: A cottonball.
Jason: Anything else?
Kelly: A cottonball made of clouds.
Jason: That’s a little worse. you wanna try again?
Kelly: Two clouds!
Jason: Okay, we’ll stop there. Yeah, I was gonna say it looks like a T-Rex, you know? You see, there’s a head and a tail and two tiny arms?
Kelly: Yeah, but when they built dinosaurs, they didn’t use clouds.
Jason: [ he glances at her like she’s an idiot, then glances all around him ] Am I on “Punk’d”, or something?
Kelly: [ she laughs uproariously ] Yeah! Wait… what?
Jason: Uh — “Punk’d”. It’s a TV show. I don’t know why I thought you would get that.
Kelly: No… well, yeah, I’m not really up on my television.
Kelly: God, what was the last TV show I saw? Oh, right — it was the final episode of Trapper John, M.D.”
Jason: Really? “Trapper John, M.D.”?
Kelly: Yeah. Why? Is he your doctor?
Jason: No. No, he’s not even, uh — you know what? Why don’t we, uh, we’ll just be quiet for a while, just enjoy the scenery. Not even gonna worry about… talking.
Kelly: I guess I will keep my Trapper shut! [ she laughs out loud at this joke ]
Jason: [ laughing ] You are a very pretty, pretty woman![ they laugh together ]
Kelly: Thank you!
Jason: Oh, you’re welcome.
Kelly: [ pointing ] Oh, hey! What about that cloud? It looks like a sun.
Jason: Well, that is the sun.
Kelly: And what about those clouds? What do those clouds look like?
Jason: Uh, those ones flying? Those are birds. Yeah.
Kelly: And that tree?
Jason: [ having had enough ] Kelly, I’m gonna go!
Kelly: Well, why, why, why? I like this cloud game. And I like you. [ she rubs her face across his arm ] I like you a lot!
Jason: Yeah, I’m gonna go through with this. Okay, uh —
Kelly: Yay! [ she claps ]
Kelly: [ pointing ] Oh, and look — that cloud looks like a painting!
Jason: Oh,good! A painting of what?
Kelly: A cloud.
Jason: Right… right. Very good.[ fade ]