Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 7
09g: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Dave Matthews Band
Palin 2012
[ card: “An SNL Movie Trailer Re-Cut” ]
[ a montage of ominous graphic images from “2012” ]
ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE
WE WERE WARNED…
THIS DAY WOULD COME
[ cut to Brian Williams delivering the Nightly News, with “Decision 2012” graphic ]
Brian Williams: Good evening, from Capitol Hill…
[ people stand before a chasm in the street ]
[ on TV, police control riots in London ]
Brian Williams V/O: What a day this has been…
[ Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio De Janeiro crumbles ]
[ cut back to Brian Williams on TV ]
Brian Williams: The nation has a new president…
[ birds fly into the sky ]
[ cut to a night group prayer vigil in the Vatican ]
[ cut to Sarah Palin, with SUPER: “BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT-ELECT SARAH PALIN” ]
Voice: SARAH PALIN!!
Sarah Palin: Thank you so much!
[ the United States Capitol Rotunda falls onto the crowd below ]
[ explosions! ]
[ tidal waves! ]
[ destruction! ]
[ mayhem! ]
[ oh, my! ]
Monk: [ in subtitles ] But she’s unqualified…
THE DNC PRESENTS
FROM THE MIND OF KEITH OLBERMANN
Hillary Clinton: People are scared…
A POLITICAL DISASTER
OF EPIC PROPORTIONS
Sarah Palin: I don’t know what I’m gonna be doing in 2012…
[ a city collapses into the sea ]
[ cut to Sarah Palin on TV ]
Sarah Palin: As for my running-mate…
[ intercuts of people turning to look with worry ]
Sarah Palin: It was an honor to stand beside a true American hero.
[ cut to Glenn Beck crying, with SUPER: “Vice President Glenn Beck” ]
Glenn Beck: [ sniffing ] I’m sorry… I’m just a guy who cares an awful lot about my country.
[ cut to man fleeing in his car ]
Man: Holy sh–
[ roads explode ]
Sarah Palin: Thanks, but no thanks, on that Bridge to Nowhere…
[ a fireball strikes an Obama campaign van ]
ON ELECTION DAY 2012
PLANET EARTH
[ the Washington Monument cracks in half ]
IS GOING ROGUE
[ a tidal wave strikes the White House and crushes it to bits ]
“PALIN 2012”
[ fade ]
