Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 7
09g: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Dave Matthews Band
Palin 2012
ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE
WE WERE WARNED…
THIS DAY WOULD COME
Brian Williams: Good evening, from Capitol Hill…
[ people stand before a chasm in the street ] [ on TV, police control riots in London ]Brian Williams V/O: What a day this has been…
[ Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio De Janeiro crumbles ] [ cut back to Brian Williams on TV ]Brian Williams: The nation has a new president…
[ birds fly into the sky ] [ cut to a night group prayer vigil in the Vatican ] [ cut to Sarah Palin, with SUPER: “BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT-ELECT SARAH PALIN” ]Voice: SARAH PALIN!!
Sarah Palin: Thank you so much!
[ the United States Capitol Rotunda falls onto the crowd below ] [ explosions! ] [ tidal waves! ] [ destruction! ] [ mayhem! ] [ oh, my! ]Monk: [ in subtitles ] But she’s unqualified…
THE DNC PRESENTS
FROM THE MIND OF KEITH OLBERMANN
Hillary Clinton: People are scared…
A POLITICAL DISASTER
OF EPIC PROPORTIONS
Sarah Palin: I don’t know what I’m gonna be doing in 2012…
Sarah Palin: As for my running-mate…
[ intercuts of people turning to look with worry ]Sarah Palin: It was an honor to stand beside a true American hero.
[ cut to Glenn Beck crying, with SUPER: “Vice President Glenn Beck” ]Glenn Beck: [ sniffing ] I’m sorry… I’m just a guy who cares an awful lot about my country.
[ cut to man fleeing in his car ]Man: Holy sh–
[ roads explode ]Sarah Palin: Thanks, but no thanks, on that Bridge to Nowhere…
ON ELECTION DAY 2012
PLANET EARTH
[ the Washington Monument cracks in half ]IS GOING ROGUE
[ a tidal wave strikes the White House and crushes it to bits ]“PALIN 2012”
[ fade ]