SNL Transcripts: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: 11/21/09: Palin 2012

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 7












09g: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Dave Matthews Band

Palin 2012

[ card: “An SNL Movie Trailer Re-Cut” ] [ a montage of ominous graphic images from “2012” ]

ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE

WE WERE WARNED…

THIS DAY WOULD COME

[ cut to Brian Williams delivering the Nightly News, with “Decision 2012” graphic ]

Brian Williams: Good evening, from Capitol Hill…

[ people stand before a chasm in the street ] [ on TV, police control riots in London ]

Brian Williams V/O: What a day this has been…

[ Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio De Janeiro crumbles ] [ cut back to Brian Williams on TV ]

Brian Williams: The nation has a new president…

[ birds fly into the sky ] [ cut to a night group prayer vigil in the Vatican ] [ cut to Sarah Palin, with SUPER: “BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT-ELECT SARAH PALIN” ]

Voice: SARAH PALIN!!

Sarah Palin: Thank you so much!

[ the United States Capitol Rotunda falls onto the crowd below ] [ explosions! ] [ tidal waves! ] [ destruction! ] [ mayhem! ] [ oh, my! ]

Monk: [ in subtitles ] But she’s unqualified…

THE DNC PRESENTS

FROM THE MIND OF KEITH OLBERMANN

Hillary Clinton: People are scared…

A POLITICAL DISASTER

OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

Sarah Palin: I don’t know what I’m gonna be doing in 2012…

[ a city collapses into the sea ] [ cut to Sarah Palin on TV ]

Sarah Palin: As for my running-mate…

[ intercuts of people turning to look with worry ]

Sarah Palin: It was an honor to stand beside a true American hero.

[ cut to Glenn Beck crying, with SUPER: “Vice President Glenn Beck” ]

Glenn Beck: [ sniffing ] I’m sorry… I’m just a guy who cares an awful lot about my country.

[ cut to man fleeing in his car ]

Man: Holy sh–

[ roads explode ]

Sarah Palin: Thanks, but no thanks, on that Bridge to Nowhere…

[ a fireball strikes an Obama campaign van ]

ON ELECTION DAY 2012

PLANET EARTH

[ the Washington Monument cracks in half ]

IS GOING ROGUE

[ a tidal wave strikes the White House and crushes it to bits ]

“PALIN 2012”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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