SNL Transcripts: Joseph Gordon-Levitt: 11/21/09: Say Anything



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 7










09g: Joseph Gordon-Levitt / Dave Matthews Band

Say Anything

Lloyd Dobler…..Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Male Neighbor…..Jason Sudeikis
Female Neighbor…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on TBS logo ]

Announcer: We now return to the TBS Sunday Night Movie: “Say Anything”.

[ dissolve to film clip: Ione Skye’s Diane Court lying on bed ]

[ cut to exterior of house, John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler, holding the boombox playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” below her bedroom window ]

[ suddenly, a neighbor man carrying a bag of garbage steps into the frame, looks Lloyd up and down, then glances up at the window ]

Male Neighbor: Alright.

[ he continues on his way, then re-enters the frame ]

Male Neighbor: Hey, man… why are you pointing that boombox at my neighbor’s house?

Lloyd Dobler: Hey.

Male Neighbor: Wow! You’re dialed in, huh? What the hell are you doing?

Lloyd Dobler: Trying to win back Diane Court —

Male Neighbor: Oh, yeah?

Lloyd Dobler: The girl I love. She dumped me.

Male Neighbor: Nice. Alright. [ he shrugs ] Okay.

[ he continues on his way, then re-enters the frame again ]

Male Neighbor: Did you try giving her flowers or something, first?

Lloyd Dobler: I gave her my heart; she gave me a… pen.

Male Neighbor: [ laughing ] Yeesh! Yikes! Aw, man! Okay, I get it now — you’re trying to scare the HELL out of her! Alright! Yeah, but I don’t know about this whole boombox and trenchcoat thing, but, uh — hey, good luck.

Lloyd Dobler: Thank you.

Male Neighbor: Yeah!

[ he continues on his way, then re-enters the frame yet again ]

Male Neighbor: Alright, so hold on. Now,is that you singing?

Lloyd Dobler: No, it’s Peter Gabriel.

Male Neighbor: Ohhhh! From Genesis, huh?

Lloyd Dobler: You’re thinking of Phil Collins.

Male Neighbor: No, no! I know Phil Collins was in there! But there’s three guys in that band, alright? You got Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins, and, uhhh — well, there’s the third guy that prays every day that his mailbox will have some Genesis residuals! Right? [ he laughs heartily ] Ohhh… [ he snaps his fingers ] Mike Rutherford! Mike Rutherford, that’s who it was. So, why this tune?

Lloyd Dobler: It’s the song that was playing the first time we made love.

Male Neighbor: Ohhh, come on, brother! You don’t want to remember the first time! That’s the WORST! The first time’s weird! Unless she was slutty. You know, if she was slutty, you don’t have to worry about that. You don’t have to do all this romantic mumbo-jumbo if she’s slutty — you just gotta be MEAN to her, and she’ll come back to you. [ he shrugs ] I don’t know why that is. So, what are you, like, 19 or something?

Lloyd Dobler: 19.

Male Neighbor: 19? Yeah! Man, you got balls something the size of I-don’t-know-what! [ he laughs ] Hey, I’m gonna go grab my wife! She’d love this!

[ he exits the frame, then returns a moment later with his wife ]

Male Neighbor: Told ya’!

Female Neighbor: What’s he doing?

Male Neighbor: He’s trying to win back Diane Court.

Female Neighbor: So, what, did he write this song for her?

Male Neighbor: Mmm-mmm, no! It’s Peter Gabriel. He just hit “PLAY”!

Female Neighbor: He’s so weird.

Male Neighbor: Aw, come on, Lisa. The guy’s standing right here! [ to Lloyd ] Sorry about that, man. She’s joking around. You want a frozen grape?

Lloyd Dobler: No.

Male Neighbor: Hmm.

[ Lloyd lowers the boombox ]

Lloyd Dobler: Listen, can you hold this a second?

Male Neighbor: Yeah, sure. Your arms getting tired?

Lloyd Dobler: No!

Male Neighbor: Alright. [ he turns to his wife ] Hoo!

[ Lloyd pulls a tape recorder out of his pocket, then begins to speak into it ]

Male Neighbor: Oh, man…

Lloyd Dobler: Maybe I didn’t really know you —

Male Neighbor: [ to his wife ] This kid loves cassettes, huh?

Lloyd Dobler: Maybe you’re just a mirage. Maybe the whole world is full of —

Male Neighbor: You’ve got a lot of electronics, brother! You’re like a walking Radio Shack! [ he laughs ]

Female Neighbor: What’s he gonna do with this?

Male Neighbor: I don’t know. [ to Lloyd ] Are you just riffing this thing right now? I love it!

Female Neighbor: I’m gonna go back inside. This is kind of a bummer.

Male Neighbor: Alright, sweetie, I’ll see you in a sec.

[ she exits the frame ]

[ Lloyd grabs his boombox ]

Male Neighbor: There you go. Yeah, I’m gonna split, too, man. You take it easy, alright?

[ Lloyd raises the boombox above his head again ]

[ the neighbor man jokingly tickles under Lloyd’s arm, until Lloyd gives him a dirty look ]

Male Neighbor: Alright…

[ he exits once more ]

[ suddenly, the sounds of Phil Collins’ “Sussedio” are heard, as the neighbor man rushes back into frame with a boombox of his own ]

Male Neighbor: Nice! Genesis is back together! [ he laughs and raises his boombox over his head ] I’m just having fun, man! Take care, dude! Good luck!

[ fade ]

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