Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 8
An SNL Digital Short
Shy Ronnie…..Andy Samberg
Rihanna: Eh! Oh! Woah Oh![Camera cuts to Rihanna looking sexy and Shy Ronnie. Knowledge is writen on the blackboard in large letters.]
Rihanna: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah![Camera cuts to Rihanna rotating on a pedistal. Rihannas name is written in cursive at the bottom of the screen]
Rihanna: Rihanna and Shy Ronnie[Camera cuts to Shy Ronnie looking shy in front of the class with Nerdy glasses and clothes.] [Camera cuts to Rihanna and Shy Ronnie dancing in the front stage while Rihanna starts to sing]
Rihanna: Wer like fire an ice. Taking over the whole world.
Background Vocals: Whole world.[Camera cuts to Shy Ronnie drawing a circle with both hands to represent the world while looking at Rihanna.] [Cuts back to Rihanna and Shy Ronnie in the front of the class room]
Rihanna: From the mountain tops, down to the boys and girls.[Shy Ronnie points to the kids in the class room at there desk.] [Camera cuts to the kids in the class room. One child at the back of the class is sitting on a stool with a Dunce cap on]
Rihanna: And the tree of knowledge it grows cause we plan the seed.[Camera cuts to a Mexican child who nods in agreeance.]
Rihanna: We the teachers of this and we got just what you need. Shy Ronnie[Rihanna points to Shy Ronnie for his queue to sing] [Shy Ronnie mumbles in a very low tone]
Rihanna: Speak up.[Shy Ronnie still mumbles at a very low tone]
Rihanna: [impatiently] Shy Ronnie. Speak Up![Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone] [Rihanna tries to stop Shy Ronnie from singing]
Rihanna: OK Ill take it from here-
Shy Ronnie: AHA!
Rihanna: We like fire and ice taking over the whole world.[Shy Ronnie signals the children to wave there hands in the air.] [Camera cuts to the kids in the class room waving there hands unwillingly in the air and in disgust of Shy Ronnie]
Rihanna: From the mountain tops, down to the boys and girls.[Camera cuts back to Rihanna and Shy Ronnie. The children stopped waving their hands in the air and so did Shy Ronnie in embarrassment.]
Rihanna: Hit em Shy Ronnie![Shy Ronnie is excited that its his turn to sing again hoping to redeem himself from last time] [Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone]
Rihanna: [in disbelief] No![Shy Ronnie creates a feedback into the mic].
Rihanna: Move the mic away from your face.[Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone.]
Rihanna: C’mon, this beat cost a lot of money.[Shy Ronnie stops singing. Camera pans out to both Rihanna and Shy Ronnie]
Rihanna: Oh, no. Oh, no. He pissed himself. He pissed himself![Camera cuts to full view of Rihanna and Shy Ronnie. Shy Ronnie urinated in his pants.] [Camera cuts to one of the school kids pointing and laughing at Shy Ronnie.]
Shy Ronnie: AHA!
Rihanna: Oh Boy![Camera cuts to one of the school kids pointing and laughing at Shy Ronnie.] [Camera cuts back to Rihanna]
Rihanna: Shoulda just paid Kanye. Bye Shy Ronnie. Bye-Bye[Rihanna leaves the class room. Hip Hop beat stops]
Shy Ronnie: AHA![Hip Hop beats starts again]
Shy Ronnie: Names Shy Ronnie and I running this ish!! You know i say stay strappin’ cause life is a Bitch![Rihanna comes back into the room] [Ronnie starts to mumble again in a low tone]
Rihanna: Hey! I forgot my purse.. Bye, bye again.[Rihanna walks out of the class room with her purse] [Hip Hop beat stops playing]
Shy Ronnie: And I don’t need no beat, I keep a-rockin’ a’cappella, and you should hang with me, because my name is Shy Ronnie.[Fade]
Submitted by: Jubei “Guy” Kibagami