Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 8
An SNL Digital Short
…..Rihanna
Shy Ronnie…..Andy Samberg
[An SNL Digital Short Logo appears]
[opens to a class of 4th graders looking at the front of the class with a Hip Hop beat in the backgroud]
[Cuts to Rihanna at the front of the class]
[Rihanna sings]
Rihanna: Eh! Oh! Woah Oh!
[Camera cuts to Rihanna looking sexy and Shy Ronnie. Knowledge is writen on the blackboard in large letters.]
Rihanna: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
[Camera cuts to Rihanna rotating on a pedistal. Rihannas name is written in cursive at the bottom of the screen]
Rihanna: Rihanna and Shy Ronnie
[Camera cuts to Shy Ronnie looking shy in front of the class with Nerdy glasses and clothes.]
[Camera cuts to Rihanna and Shy Ronnie dancing in the front stage while Rihanna starts to sing]
Rihanna: Wer like fire an ice. Taking over the whole world.
Background Vocals: Whole world.
[Camera cuts to Shy Ronnie drawing a circle with both hands to represent the world while looking at Rihanna.]
[Cuts back to Rihanna and Shy Ronnie in the front of the class room]
Rihanna: From the mountain tops, down to the boys and girls.
[Shy Ronnie points to the kids in the class room at there desk.]
[Camera cuts to the kids in the class room. One child at the back of the class is sitting on a stool with a Dunce cap on]
Rihanna: And the tree of knowledge it grows cause we plan the seed.
[Camera cuts to a Mexican child who nods in agreeance.]
Rihanna: We the teachers of this and we got just what you need. Shy Ronnie
[Rihanna points to Shy Ronnie for his queue to sing]
[Shy Ronnie mumbles in a very low tone]
Rihanna: Speak up.
[Shy Ronnie still mumbles at a very low tone]
Rihanna: [impatiently] Shy Ronnie. Speak Up!
[Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone]
[Rihanna tries to stop Shy Ronnie from singing]
Rihanna: OK Ill take it from here-
Shy Ronnie: AHA!
Rihanna: OK
Rihanna: We like fire and ice taking over the whole world.
[Shy Ronnie signals the children to wave there hands in the air.]
[Camera cuts to the kids in the class room waving there hands unwillingly in the air and in disgust of Shy Ronnie]
Rihanna: From the mountain tops, down to the boys and girls.
[Camera cuts back to Rihanna and Shy Ronnie. The children stopped waving their hands in the air and so did Shy Ronnie in embarrassment.]
Rihanna: Hit em Shy Ronnie!
[Shy Ronnie is excited that its his turn to sing again hoping to redeem himself from last time]
[Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone]
Rihanna: [in disbelief] No!
[Shy Ronnie creates a feedback into the mic].
Rihanna: Move the mic away from your face.
[Shy Ronnie continues to mumble in a very low tone.]
Rihanna: C’mon, this beat cost a lot of money.
[Shy Ronnie stops singing. Camera pans out to both Rihanna and Shy Ronnie]
Rihanna: Oh, no. Oh, no. He pissed himself. He pissed himself!
[Camera cuts to full view of Rihanna and Shy Ronnie. Shy Ronnie urinated in his pants.]
[Camera cuts to one of the school kids pointing and laughing at Shy Ronnie.]
Shy Ronnie: AHA!
Rihanna: Oh Boy!
[Camera cuts to one of the school kids pointing and laughing at Shy Ronnie.]
[Camera cuts back to Rihanna]
Rihanna: Shoulda just paid Kanye. Bye Shy Ronnie. Bye-Bye
[Rihanna leaves the class room. Hip Hop beat stops]
Shy Ronnie: AHA!
[Hip Hop beats starts again]
Shy Ronnie: Names Shy Ronnie and I running this ish!! You know i say stay strappin’ cause life is a Bitch!
[Rihanna comes back into the room]
[Ronnie starts to mumble again in a low tone]
Rihanna: Hey! I forgot my purse.. Bye, bye again.
[Rihanna walks out of the class room with her purse]
[Hip Hop beat stops playing]
Shy Ronnie: And I don’t need no beat, I keep a-rockin’ a’cappella, and you should hang with me, because my name is Shy Ronnie.
[Fade]
Submitted by: Jubei “Guy” Kibagami
