SNL Transcripts: Blake Lively: 12/05/09: Kickspit Underground Rock Festival



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 8












09h: Blake Lively / Rihanna

Kickspit Underground Rock Festival

DJ Supersoak…..Jason Sudeikis
Lil’ Blaster…..Nasim Pedrad

[ open on fiery graphics ]

Announcer: Under-Underground Records brings you its 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!

[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]

DJ Supersoak: What up. y’all? I’m DJ Supersoak!

Lil’ Blaster: And I’m Lil’ Blaster! And we’re bringing you amazing happenings for the super dope —

DJ Supersoak: 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!

Announcer: You want bands? Your! Ears! Will! Bleed!

We’ve got… RAT BALLS! SLIT! THURDERSEX! DJ DEUCE GROAN! MRS. POTATO DICK! And more!

[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]

DJ Supersoak: It’s the most underground festival EVER! NO water bottles! NO protection from the sun! And absolutely NO Port-a-Johns!

Lil’ Blaster: We didn’t sell out and get you a bunch a’ Port-a-johns, yo!

Announcer: You want bathrooms? Oh, we’ve got bathrooms! They’re called… YOUR PANTS!!

DJ Supersoak: Ha ha! Is that underground enough for ya’?!

Lil’ Blaster: Ohhhh, yeahhhhh!! And don’t forget the Mud-Eating Contest!

DJ Supersoak: Try to dethrone LAST year’s mud-eating champ — Ass Dan! [ show image ]

Lil’ Blaster: Everywhere you look… MAD CRUNKS gonna be poppin’ off!

DJ Supersoak: We got LOOSE ALLIGATORS up in there!

Lil’ Blaster: Chomp on some STICK MEAT!

DJ Supersoak: Come have SEX with the IRON SHEIK!

Lil’ Blaster: And did we mention… baaaands?!

Announcer: There’s gonna be DONKEY CRUST! GUNT! And don’t miss a very special encore performance… by MRS. POTATO DICK!

Lil’ Blaster: They’re like BOYS, always sprayin’ the crowd with cat piss!

DJ Supersoak: Ha ha! Hell, yeah! So many fun events, and you KNOW you gotta get in the WORST HE-MAN IMPRESSION CONTEST!

Lil’ Blaster: Just look out for LAST year’s champ — Ass Dan!

DJ Supersoak: For sure! And, if THAT wasn’t enough for you ninjas, we got a MAD LIST of special guests, yo!

Lil’ Blaster: Like MARK FUHRMAN, from the O.J. trial!

DJ Supersoak: The Mac guy, JUSTIN LONG!

Lil’ Blaster: THE SNAPPLE LADY!

DJ Supersoak: TURTLE FROM ENTOURAGE!

Lil’ Blaster: MS. SCREW MAGAZINE 1997!

DJ Supersoak: And NBA All-Star DIRK NOWITZKI, shootin’ a BB GUN at you in an OPEN FIELD!

Lil’ Blaster: You wanna get sick as hell?!

DJ Supersoak: A HELICOPTER is gonna spray your ass with VIRUSES, yo!

[ show helicopter dropping viruses ]

Announcer: VIRUSES!!

Lil’ Blaster: And, there’s MORE! Like a full screening of FACTS OF LIFE SEASON 3!

DJ Supersoak: Plus! We got a bunch of ventriloquists walking around on STILTS!

Lil’ Blaster: And their dummies got TINY STILTS, yo!

DJ Supersoak: And you KNOW we got MIMES, runnin’ all over this BITCH!!

Lil’ Blaster: And here’s the best part!

Announcer: EVERYBODY GETS PITCHFORKS!!

DJ Supersoak: EVERYBODY’S gonna be running around MAD CRAZY with PITCHFORKS, yo!

Lil’ Blaster: Literally, EVERYONE is given a PITCHFORK!

DJ Supersoak: Plus! Don’t miss a very special memorial service for Ass Dan.

[ image: Ass Dan, 1981-2009 ]

DJ Supersoak: I’m bringing the mud, y’all.

Lil’ Blaster: So get your tickets NOW, ninjas! For the 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!

DJ Supersoak: And get ready to be truly…

Together: UNDERGROUND!!

Announcer: The kickspit Underground Rock Festival! See you ninjas there!!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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