Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 8
Kickspit Underground Rock Festival
DJ Supersoak…..Jason Sudeikis
Lil’ Blaster…..Nasim Pedrad
[ open on fiery graphics ]
Announcer: Under-Underground Records brings you its 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!
[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]
DJ Supersoak: What up. y’all? I’m DJ Supersoak!
Lil’ Blaster: And I’m Lil’ Blaster! And we’re bringing you amazing happenings for the super dope —
DJ Supersoak: 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!
Announcer: You want bands? Your! Ears! Will! Bleed!
We’ve got… RAT BALLS! SLIT! THURDERSEX! DJ DEUCE GROAN! MRS. POTATO DICK! And more!
[ cut to DJ Supersoak and Lil’ Blaster ]
DJ Supersoak: It’s the most underground festival EVER! NO water bottles! NO protection from the sun! And absolutely NO Port-a-Johns!
Lil’ Blaster: We didn’t sell out and get you a bunch a’ Port-a-johns, yo!
Announcer: You want bathrooms? Oh, we’ve got bathrooms! They’re called… YOUR PANTS!!
DJ Supersoak: Ha ha! Is that underground enough for ya’?!
Lil’ Blaster: Ohhhh, yeahhhhh!! And don’t forget the Mud-Eating Contest!
DJ Supersoak: Try to dethrone LAST year’s mud-eating champ — Ass Dan! [ show image ]
Lil’ Blaster: Everywhere you look… MAD CRUNKS gonna be poppin’ off!
DJ Supersoak: We got LOOSE ALLIGATORS up in there!
Lil’ Blaster: Chomp on some STICK MEAT!
DJ Supersoak: Come have SEX with the IRON SHEIK!
Lil’ Blaster: And did we mention… baaaands?!
Announcer: There’s gonna be DONKEY CRUST! GUNT! And don’t miss a very special encore performance… by MRS. POTATO DICK!
Lil’ Blaster: They’re like BOYS, always sprayin’ the crowd with cat piss!
DJ Supersoak: Ha ha! Hell, yeah! So many fun events, and you KNOW you gotta get in the WORST HE-MAN IMPRESSION CONTEST!
Lil’ Blaster: Just look out for LAST year’s champ — Ass Dan!
DJ Supersoak: For sure! And, if THAT wasn’t enough for you ninjas, we got a MAD LIST of special guests, yo!
Lil’ Blaster: Like MARK FUHRMAN, from the O.J. trial!
DJ Supersoak: The Mac guy, JUSTIN LONG!
Lil’ Blaster: THE SNAPPLE LADY!
DJ Supersoak: TURTLE FROM ENTOURAGE!
Lil’ Blaster: MS. SCREW MAGAZINE 1997!
DJ Supersoak: And NBA All-Star DIRK NOWITZKI, shootin’ a BB GUN at you in an OPEN FIELD!
Lil’ Blaster: You wanna get sick as hell?!
DJ Supersoak: A HELICOPTER is gonna spray your ass with VIRUSES, yo!
[ show helicopter dropping viruses ]
Announcer: VIRUSES!!
Lil’ Blaster: And, there’s MORE! Like a full screening of FACTS OF LIFE SEASON 3!
DJ Supersoak: Plus! We got a bunch of ventriloquists walking around on STILTS!
Lil’ Blaster: And their dummies got TINY STILTS, yo!
DJ Supersoak: And you KNOW we got MIMES, runnin’ all over this BITCH!!
Lil’ Blaster: And here’s the best part!
Announcer: EVERYBODY GETS PITCHFORKS!!
DJ Supersoak: EVERYBODY’S gonna be running around MAD CRAZY with PITCHFORKS, yo!
Lil’ Blaster: Literally, EVERYONE is given a PITCHFORK!
DJ Supersoak: Plus! Don’t miss a very special memorial service for Ass Dan.
[ image: Ass Dan, 1981-2009 ]
DJ Supersoak: I’m bringing the mud, y’all.
Lil’ Blaster: So get your tickets NOW, ninjas! For the 10th Annual kickspit Underground Rock Festival!
DJ Supersoak: And get ready to be truly…
Together: UNDERGROUND!!
Announcer: The kickspit Underground Rock Festival! See you ninjas there!!
[ fade ]
