Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 8
Andy Azula…..Bill Hader
[ open on UPS logo ] [ dissolve to drawing of the word “UPS”, with drawings of a gift, the world, and a man’s head below it, as Andy Azula enters frame ]
Andy Azula: Alright, let’s talk about facts:
Did you know that, with UPS, you can ship your presents so they arrive Christmas morning? You can.
Did you know, with UPS, you can ship ANYWHERE in the world? It’s true.
And, did you know upS ads feature a man — [ he adds lines around the man’s face ] in a lady wig? And they can air up to eight times in a single football game? So much so, that you almost get used to it and start to enjoy it? [ he smiles ] Well, that’s true, too.
You see, this year — [ he points to each object drawn on the board ] UPS’s… gift… to the world… is me. [ he smiles ] A man in a lady wig! You’re welcome.[ dissolve to slogan: “WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU?” ] [ UPS ] [ fade ]