SNL Transcripts: Blake Lively: 12/05/09: UPS II

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 8

09h: Blake Lively / Rihanna


Andy Azula…..Bill Hader

[ open on UPS logo ] [ dissolve to drawing of the word “UPS”, as Andy Azula enters frame ]

Andy Azula: Alright, you have to admit: these ads, which were so strange to you at first, are starting to become a part of your daily routine — like your morning cup of coffee!

[ he contorts the “U” into a coffee cup ]

Or a, uh — or a stick figure.

[ he contorts the “P” into a stick figure ]

Or a — [ he taps his marker in frustration ] I don’t know, a snake. Don’t worry, we won’t stop making them. In fact, we’ll make — ] he draws a “1-0-0-0” ] ONE-THOUSAND of them! Which makes me — [ he contorts the “1” into a king ] King of the Ads. And you — [ he contorts the “0”s into stick figures ] my subjects. And there’s only one rule in this kingdom: everyone wears a lady wig. [ he draws long hair on the stick figures ] Mmm. Looks like this king’s got three hot ladies! I’m gonna have sex with them! [ he adds a line to the bottom half of his stick figure ] [ dissolve to slogan: “WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU?” ] [ UPS ] [ fade ]

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