SNL Transcripts: Blake Lively: 12/05/09: UPS II

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 8




09h: Blake Lively / Rihanna

UPS II

Andy Azula…..Bill Hader

[ open on UPS logo ] [ dissolve to drawing of the word “UPS”, as Andy Azula enters frame ]

Andy Azula: Alright, you have to admit: these ads, which were so strange to you at first, are starting to become a part of your daily routine — like your morning cup of coffee!

[ he contorts the “U” into a coffee cup ]

Or a, uh — or a stick figure.

[ he contorts the “P” into a stick figure ]

Or a — [ he taps his marker in frustration ] I don’t know, a snake. Don’t worry, we won’t stop making them. In fact, we’ll make — ] he draws a “1-0-0-0” ] ONE-THOUSAND of them! Which makes me — [ he contorts the “1” into a king ] King of the Ads. And you — [ he contorts the “0”s into stick figures ] my subjects. And there’s only one rule in this kingdom: everyone wears a lady wig. [ he draws long hair on the stick figures ] Mmm. Looks like this king’s got three hot ladies! I’m gonna have sex with them! [ he adds a line to the bottom half of his stick figure ] [ dissolve to slogan: “WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU?” ] [ UPS ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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