SNL Transcripts: Blake Lively: 12/05/09: UPS II


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 8

09h: Blake Lively / Rihanna


Andy Azula…..Bill Hader

[ open on UPS logo ] [ dissolve to drawing of the word “UPS”, as Andy Azula enters frame ]

Andy Azula: Alright, you have to admit: these ads, which were so strange to you at first, are starting to become a part of your daily routine — like your morning cup of coffee!

[ he contorts the “U” into a coffee cup ]

Or a, uh — or a stick figure.

[ he contorts the “P” into a stick figure ]

Or a — [ he taps his marker in frustration ] I don’t know, a snake. Don’t worry, we won’t stop making them. In fact, we’ll make — ] he draws a “1-0-0-0” ] ONE-THOUSAND of them! Which makes me — [ he contorts the “1” into a king ] King of the Ads. And you — [ he contorts the “0”s into stick figures ] my subjects. And there’s only one rule in this kingdom: everyone wears a lady wig. [ he draws long hair on the stick figures ] Mmm. Looks like this king’s got three hot ladies! I’m gonna have sex with them! [ he adds a line to the bottom half of his stick figure ] [ dissolve to slogan: “WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU?” ] [ UPS ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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