SNL Transcripts: Taylor Lautner: 12/12/09: PGA Tour I


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 9

09i: Taylor Lautner / Bon Jovi

PGA Tour I

Tim Finchem……Jason Sudeikis
Executive…..Bobby Moynihan

[ open on PGA Tour logo ]

Announcer: And now, a message from the PGA Tour.

[ dissolve to Tim Finchem seated at booth ]

Tim Finchem: Hi there. I’m Tim Finchem, Commissioner of the PGA Tour. Yesterday, we got some interesting news: Tiger woods announced that he was taking an “indefinite break” from golf. Indefinite. [ he laughs nervously ] And that’s okay. You know, we’re going to be fine. People don’t just watch golf because of him. I mean, we’ve still got plenty of other superstars. You know? Exciting household names like Geoff Ogilvy. Boo-yah! [ he laughs ] Trevor Immelman. Can you handle the Immelman? Whoo! [ he laughs ] And, look out! Uh-oh! Tim “Lumpy” Hearn’s in the house. Watch out for Lumpy!

[ he chuckles nervously, then reaches down for a flask and pours the alcohol down his throat ]

Tim Finchem: Watch out for Lumpy…

[ he laughs nervously, then returns the flask ]

Tim Finchem: Hey! And if you love tiger’s famous fist pump, well, then, you know what? You’re just going to love Justin Leonard’s tip of the cap! [ mimicking ] Good day to you, sir! So, yeah, you know, I-I-I think the PGA Tour will be just fine without Tiger Woods. And you know what? The sponsors? Well, they are excited, too.

[ behind him, an executive removes the sponsor cards from the wall ]

Tim Finchem: The PGA tour. No Tiger, no problem!

[ return to PGA Tour logo ]

Announcer: This has been a message from the PGA Tour.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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