Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 10
The Manuel Ortiz Show
Manuel Ortiz….Fred Armisen
Angie Cruz….Jenny Slate
Lou Gonzalez….James Franco
Leza Dominguez….Kristen Wiig
Ramona Gonzalez….Nasim Pedrad
Lucas Gonzalez….Bobby Moynihan
Announcer: You are watching Telecentro TV Dominicana. At 6:00 p.m., a rerun of an old Miss Universe Pageant. Followed by an even older Miss Universe Pageant. But first, The Manuel Ortiz Show.[Manuel Ortiz Show logo] [Manuel Ortiz has a blue suit, mustache, sits on a couch in his tv studio]
Manuel Ortiz: Hola and welcome to my show. I am Manuel Ortiz and I am here to help you with whatever it is you’re going through. And if I cannot, I’m very, very sorry. My first guest has concerns about her boyfriend. Please welcome, Angie Cruz.[Merengue music plays] [Manuel gets up and dances with Angie the merengue, couple of steps and whips head to the side for a few seconds. Music stops, they sit down]
Manuel Ortiz: Welcome to the show.
Angie Cruz: Gracias, Manuel.
Manuel Ortiz: Talk to me. Your boyfriend, what are your concerns?
Angie Cruz: I’m concerned that my boyfriend is cheating on me.
Manuel Ortiz: And do you have proof of your concerns?
Angie Cruz: No. I do not.
Manuel Ortiz: Well, why don’t we bring out your boyfriend, Lou Gonzalez.
Manuel Ortiz: Lou Gonzalez, do you know why you are here?
Lou Gonzalez: No, no! Maybe. No.
Manuel Ortiz: Perhaps this will help you understand. Let’s bring out your co-worker, Leza Dominguez.
Manuel Ortiz: Leza, is there anything you need to say to anyone here?
Leza Dominguez: Yes. Do you remember the night your boyfriend went out for arroz con pollo?
Angie Cruz: Yes.
Leza Dominguez: He was con me.
Angie Cruz: You lied to me! How could you do this?!
Lou Gonzalez: I didn’t lie! I went out for arroz con pollo, I just didn’t tell you what happened after.
Leza Dominguez: This is too much for me. I’ve hurt too many people. I’m sorry Manuel. I have to go.[Merengue music plays] [Leza leaves, Manuel, Angie and Lou dance the merengue. Couple of steps, whips head to the side. Music stops, they sit down]
Manuel Ortiz: And Angie, how do you feel?
Angie Cruz: Disappointed. I feel disappointed.
Manuel Ortiz: [to Lou] Do you know who else is disappointed? Your mother and father. Let’s bring them out, Ramona and Lucas Gonzalez.[Merengue music plays. Manuel, Angie, Lou and his parents Ramona and Lucas dance the merengue. Couple of steps , whips head to the side. Music stops, they sit down]
Manuel Ortiz: So, what do you think of your son’s behavior?
Ramona Gonzalez: [out of breath] I need…I can’t catch my breath! Ay!
Manuel Ortiz: Ok. What about you?
Lucas Gonzalez: Oh, one second. [puffing] Ay, my side hurts!
Manuel Ortiz: Maybe you need some water. Miguel, get the Gonzales some water please.[Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Angie, Lou and Lou’s parents Ramona and Lucas dance the merengue. They are joined by Miguel holding two glasses of water. Couple of steps, whips head to the side. Music stops]
Miguel: Is the tap water ok?
Lucas Gonzalez: This is from the faucet?
Lucas Gonzalez: Do you have the bottled water?
Miguel: Do we?
Manuel Ortiz: I think we do.
Miguel: I’ll be right back.[Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Angie, Lou, Ramona and Lucas dance the merengue. Miguel dances as he goes for bottled water. Couple of steps and whips head to the side. Music stops, they sit down]
Manuel Ortiz: I’ve been told that we need to go to commercial. Hopefully when we return Miguel will find the Gonzalez’s some Poland Spring. And we’ll be to help Angie and her boyfriend mend their relationship. If not, I’m very, very sorry.[Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Angie, Lou and his parents dance merengue. Miguel appears while dancing merengue with two Poland Springs]
Announcer: Stay tuned. We’ll be right back with more Manuel Ortiz.[The Manuel Ortiz logo] [cheers and applause] [fade]
Submitted: by: Waldo San Miguel