Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 10
Mark Wahlberg Talks to Christmas Animals
Mark Wahlberg…..Andy Samberg
CUT TO: RED & GREEN HOLIDAY GRAPHIC — “MARK WAHLBERG TALKS TO CHRISTMAS ANIMALS”
Announcer: And now, Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas Animals!!
MARK WAHLBERG stands dead center, wearing a Santa hat with his cargo jacket attire.
Mark Wahlberg: Hey, I’m Mark Wahlberg. You guys know me! Right? Yeah! Let’s go talk to some Christmas animals.[ A sheep scans its head back and forth. Mark kneels down to it. ]
Mark Wahlberg: Hey sheep! How’s it going? I like your fur. You were at the first Christmas, right? Did you know it was going to be a big thing?[ The sheep continues to scan. ]
Mark Wahlberg: Okay. It was GREAT TO MEET YOU. Say hi to your mother for me, okay?[ Mark stands up and goes to a partridge. ]
Mark Wahlberg: Now I’m going to talk to a partridge.[ Mark struts to the partridge. ]
Mark Wahlberg: Hey partridge! How’s it hanging? Where’s your pear tree!?
Mark Wahlberg: Oh! There’s it is. So you were in that song “The 12 Days of Christmas?” I was in “The Happening”. Did you see that movie?[ The partridge faces its head down. ]
Mark Wahlberg: Okay. Talk to you later, partridge.[ Mark moves over to a snowman. ]
Mark Wahlberg: Now I’m going to talk to a snowman. Hey snowman! It’s nice to see you. How did you get in here with all these animals!? Youre not an animal!? YOURE A MAN![ The camera stays on the snowman for a beat or two. ]
Mark Wahlberg: I like your stick hands. I have real hands. But we can hang out! Just let me know. Say hi to your mother from me.[ Mark moves over to a reindeer with a big, red nose. ]
Mark Wahlberg: Now I’m going to talk to Rudolph. Long time, no see? I’m thinking of making an Entourage movie. You like that idea? Hey, Rudolph. Next time, you talk to Santa, tell him I want an Amazon Kindle. Okay? You hear me, Rudolph?[ “Rudolph” doesn’t make eye contact with Mark. ]
Mark Wahlberg: An Amazon Kindle. Say hi to your mother for me.
CUT TO: PREVIOUS HOLIDAY GRAPHIC — “MARK WAHLBERG TALKS TO CHRISTMAS ANIMALS”
Announcer: This has been – Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas Animals.
Submitted by: Cody Downs