Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 11
09k: Charles Barkley / Alicia Keys
MacGruber
MacGruber…..Will Forte
Vicky…..Kristen Wiig
Darrell…..Charles Barkley
[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]
Singers:
“MacGruber!
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
MacGruber!
Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations!
MacGruber!
He has a Black employee now!”
[CUT to MacGruber and Darrell in a karate pose against footage of flames.]
Singers: “MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!”
[CUT to a chemical weapons steamer. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Chemical Weapons Steamer.” CUT to a sign marked “Steamer Control Room” as sirens wail.]
Darrell: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber, this door is magnet shut! We’re trapped!!
Vicky: That’s not our ONLY problem, MacGruber! From the looks of that nitrogen bomb, we’ve only got 20 seconds!
MacGruber: Don’t worry, Vicky. Chill, Dar-rell. You’ll have plenty of time to relax — and to chill, Dar-rell — once we get out of here — once we scram, Dar-rell.
Darrell: It’s pronounced Darrell.
MacGruber: [ he chuckles heartily ] Oh, like a White Darrell?
Vicky: Ten seconds, MacGruber!
MacGyver: Okay! Uh — Vicky — hand me that Allen wrench!
Vicky: You got it, MacGruber!
MacGruber: Okay! Dar-rell!
Darrell: DARRELL!!
MacGruber: Funk me over that copper wire! Outta sight?
Darrell: [ he hands it over ] It’s Darrell.
MacGruber: Okay! Vicky! Hand me that stir stick!
Vicky: On the way, MacGruber!
MacGruber: Dar-rell!
Darrell: It’s DARRELL!!
MacGruber: Jab me over that fly shoelace! You dig?
Darrell: [ he hands it over ] MacGruber, I don’t know if this is working out…
MacGruber: That reminds me of a good joke. [ Vicky shakes her head No ] What do you get when you cross a Mexican with a Black…?
Darrell: MacGruber…
MacGruber: Excuse me — a Black African-American. Mo’ better?
Darrell: Y-yeah. Mo’ better.
MacGruber: Okay. If you cross a Mexican with a Black African-American, and a Jew, and a woman… what do you get?
[ Darrell and Vicky are silent ]
MacGruber: I don’t know! But I sure don’t want that person to move in next door to m–
[CUT to the chemical weapons steamer exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]
Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!
[ fade ]
