SNL Transcripts: Charles Barkley: 01/09/10: MacGruber III



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 11










09k: Charles Barkley / Alicia Keys

MacGruber III

MacGruber…..Will Forte
Vicky…..Kristen Wiig
Darrell…..Charles Barkley

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Singers:
“MacGruber!
He took a couple months off and did a lot of soul-searching!
MacGruber!
He spent some time in Africa and learned about their culture!
MacGruber!
He’s Facebook friends with Spike Lee!”

[CUT to MacGyver signing Spike Lee’s Facebook page.]

Singers: “MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!”

[CUT to heroin czar headquarters. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Heroin Czar Headquarters.” CUT to a sign marked “Heroin Czar Control Room” as sirens wail.]

Darrell: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber, this door won’t budge!

Vicky: There’s MORE, MacGruber! That ticking time bomb is set to blow in twenty seconds!!

[ reveal MacGruver dressed in an African dashiki ]

MacGruber: Okay, look — before we start here, I’ve got something I want to say. [ Darrell looks on ] THe road towards enlightment takes many turns. Unfortunately, mine took me straight to you, Dar-rell.

Darrell: That’s Darrell.

MacGruber: And it is with GREAT pleasure… that I announce that, in two Mondays, for the FIRST time ever, we will be taking the day off to celebrate the life of a man I consider to be my PERSONAL hero — Dr. Martin Rufus King.

Darrell: That’s Luther.

MacGruber: D’oh! Right! Luther! You’re Rufus.

Darrell: I’m Darrell.

MacGruber: Whatever. Look —

Vicky: Fifteen seconds.

MacGruber: I know I have a ways to go, Dar-rell… but I’m headed in the right direction. So, put ‘er there!

[ MacGruber extends his hand; Darrell looks on, unsure; Vicky smiles ] [ unfortunately, Darrell goes for it ]

MacGruber: [ panicking ] Agghh!! HE’S GOT A GUN!!

[ MacGruber zaps Darrell with Mace once again ] [CUT to the heroin czar headquarters exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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