SNL Transcripts: Jon Hamm: 01/30/10: American Enterprise


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 13

09m: Jon Hamm / Michael Buble

American Enterprise

William Barnes…..Jon Hamm
G. Clifford Noble…..Bill Hader

Male Announcer: You’re watching CNBC. The “C” stands for the “C” word. Up next: it’s “American Enterprise, chronicling the history of great American businesses.

[ dissolve to show graphics ]

Female Announcer: This week, we look at the success story of American entrepreneurs Barnes & Noble. This great American company was founded in New York City by William Barnes and G. Clifford Noble, two men with a simple dream.

[ dissolve to William Barnes reading in a leather chair, as G. Clifford Noble steps forward ]

G. Clifford Noble: Hello, Barnes.

William Barnes: [ stands to shake Noble’s hand ] Hello, my dear Noble!

[ SUPER: “Historical Reenactment, New York City, 1917” ]

G. Clifford Noble: Barnes… I’ve been thinking that this city is lacking… something.

William Barnes: I’ve been thinking the same thing.

G. Clifford Noble: There are places where you can buy grain

William Barnes: And places where you can buy grog

G. Clifford Noble: But we need a place that serves a community!

William Barnes: And enriches the soul!

G. Clifford Noble: Yes! My dear Barnes, we need to build a place… where homeless people can go to the bathroom!

William Barnes: That’s exactly what I was thinking!

G. Clifford Noble: A huge building with an unlocked bathroom, where homeless people can drop their pants and just GO TO TOWN!

William Barnes: Where they won’t have to ask or buy anything — they can just GO!

G. Clifford Noble: Yes. And regular people can go to the bathroom there, too.

William Barnes: Yes, yes — if they’re desperate! If they’ve been walking around all day drinking coffee and they aggressively have to go to the bathroom!

G. Clifford Noble: Indeed. Noble, my friend, this is a capitol idea!

[ they shake on it ] [ dissolve to sketches of the first Barnes & Noble Homeless Bathroom building ]

Female Announcer: And, so, the first Barnes & Noble opened in 1917. It was a rousing success. In order to pay for the massive daily clean-up, however, Barnes & Noble needed to sell a product — [ quickly ] and they chose books!

[ dissolve to show graphics ]

Female Announcer: Thank you for joining us on this episode of “American Enterprise”. For CNBC, this whole time, I’ve been Madonna. Good night.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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