Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 13
Closet Organizer…..Will Forte
[ open on black-and-white footage of a hall closet ] [ SUPER: “DRAMATIZATION” ]
Announcer: Has this happened to you?![ Housewife walks up to closet, opens the doors, the contents spill to the floor ]
Announcer: Is your closet an absolute mess?! Are you way too STPUID to keep your closet clean?!
Housewife: [ offended ] Hey!
Announcer: Introducing the ZipCo Closet Organizer![ the closet opens to reveal itself as clutter-free, but with a man dressed in blue spandex. As objects are thrown at him, he swats them in different corners of the closet. ]
Announcer: Great for SHOES! SWEATERS! BELTS! HATS! PARKAS! JEANS! UNDERWEAR![ the Closet Organizer pockets the panties ]
Announcer: SOCKS! SCARVES! DOCKERS! WATER![ water is splashed on the Closet Organizer ]
Announcer: BLANKETS! LAMPS! TROPHIES! MARBLES PHONE BOOKS! ADDITIONAL WATER![ more water is splashed on the Closet Organizer ]
Announcer: LOOSE PEANUT BUTTER! PIE! PIE!! PIE!!! PIE!!!
Listen to this testimonial![ cut to Man giving testimonial ]
Man: I got so laid last night! I was at this club, and I went up to this really hot Black girl, and I was, like, “Hey — anybody ever tell you you look exactly like Beyonce?” And then I went in for the liss, and I noticed she had, like, a full man’s mosutache? And I was, like… “Let’s do this thing.”[ cut back to the Closet Organizer ]
Announcer: It’s so simple to use! All it needs is two meals a day and a little bucket to do his business in![ more objects are thrown at the Closet Organizer, as he swats them in different corners of the closet. ]
Announcer: PILLOWS! TIRES! IMPORTANT PAPERS! GLASSWARE! ANIMAL FEATHERS! DIRT! AND CHEESE![ cut to Housewife ]
Housewife: A clean closet is just a phone call away![ cut to product card ]
Announcer: The ZipCo Closet Organizer! Available at Bergor Goodman and the gift shop at the Vatican! Order one today![ fade ]