SNL Transcripts: Jon Hamm: 01/30/10: Closet Organizer

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 13












09m: Jon Hamm / Michael Buble

Closet Organizer

Housewife…..Kristen Wiig
Closet Organizer…..Will Forte
Testimonial…..Jon Hamm

[ open on black-and-white footage of a hall closet ] [ SUPER: “DRAMATIZATION” ]

Announcer: Has this happened to you?!

[ Housewife walks up to closet, opens the doors, the contents spill to the floor ]

Announcer: Is your closet an absolute mess?! Are you way too STPUID to keep your closet clean?!

Housewife: [ offended ] Hey!

Announcer: Introducing the ZipCo Closet Organizer!

[ the closet opens to reveal itself as clutter-free, but with a man dressed in blue spandex. As objects are thrown at him, he swats them in different corners of the closet. ]

Announcer: Great for SHOES! SWEATERS! BELTS! HATS! PARKAS! JEANS! UNDERWEAR!

[ the Closet Organizer pockets the panties ]

Announcer: SOCKS! SCARVES! DOCKERS! WATER!

[ water is splashed on the Closet Organizer ]

Announcer: BLANKETS! LAMPS! TROPHIES! MARBLES PHONE BOOKS! ADDITIONAL WATER!

[ more water is splashed on the Closet Organizer ]

Announcer: LOOSE PEANUT BUTTER! PIE! PIE!! PIE!!! PIE!!!

Listen to this testimonial!

[ cut to Man giving testimonial ]

Man: I got so laid last night! I was at this club, and I went up to this really hot Black girl, and I was, like, “Hey — anybody ever tell you you look exactly like Beyonce?” And then I went in for the liss, and I noticed she had, like, a full man’s mosutache? And I was, like… “Let’s do this thing.”

[ cut back to the Closet Organizer ]

Announcer: It’s so simple to use! All it needs is two meals a day and a little bucket to do his business in!

[ more objects are thrown at the Closet Organizer, as he swats them in different corners of the closet. ]

Announcer: PILLOWS! TIRES! IMPORTANT PAPERS! GLASSWARE! ANIMAL FEATHERS! DIRT! AND CHEESE!

[ cut to Housewife ]

Housewife: A clean closet is just a phone call away!

[ cut to product card ]

Announcer: The ZipCo Closet Organizer! Available at Bergor Goodman and the gift shop at the Vatican! Order one today!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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