SNL Transcripts: Jon Hamm: 01/30/10: Game Time with Randy and Greg



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 13


















09m: Jon Hamm / Michael Buble

Game Time with Randy and Greg

Randy Dukes…..Kenan Thompson
Greg…..Bill Hader
Frank Rack…..Jon Hamm
Greg Clones…..Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte, Bryan Tucker, Michael Patrick O’Brien

[ title card ] [ dissolve to sports talk show set, featuring a jovial Randy seated next to a near-catatonic Greg ]

Randy Dukes: Hello, and welcome to another edition of “Game Time with Randy and Greg”, your one-stop shop for sports talk! I’m former NFL running back Randy Dukes… and, with me, as always, is my co-host Greg — [ quickly ] Greg is not an alien! And, today, we’re gonna be talking about — what else?: The Super Bowl.

Greg: SU-PER BOWWWWWWLL!! AH HA-HAAAAAA!!

Randy Dukes: Okay! First caller is Rick from Passaic. What’s on your mind today?

Caller #1: Yeah, I just wanted to say that that Colts game was amazing! I told all my friends that Peyton Manning would bide his time, and then taken them down!

Randy Dukes: [ laughing ] You’re the man, Rick!

Greg: YOU’RE THE MAAAAAAAAAAAAANN… RICK!!

Caller #1: Also, I’m a first time caller, so, I don’t know if anyone has ever mentioned it, but… that guy, Greg, is an alien, right? Like, from outer space?

Randy Dukes: No. Greg is NOT an alien!

[ Greg emits a high-piercing shriek ]

Caller #1: Nah, he is. And, look, if you want to hide it so bad, Why don’t you just give him eyebrows?

Randy Dukes: Look, we tried! I-I mean… Never mind! Uh — let’s just hold all further calls and, uh, move on to our guest: Indianapolis quarterback coach Frank Rack. Greg had a chance to catch up with Frank after the Colts’ win on Sunday. Let’s take a look.

[ cut to videotaped interview between Greg and Rack ]

Frank Rack: Yeah, well, Greg — Peyton got some real clear head there in the game. I was real proud of him, but, uh, we can’t really rest on our laurels. In a couple of weeks, we’re gonna have to face some real, tough —

[ suddenly, Greg lunges at Rack, and the video feed is lost ]

Randy Dukes: Well — well, that was bad. Uh — let’s welcome to the show, quarterback coach Frank Rack.

[ cut to Greg with a now-doppleganger Rack seated next to him ]

Randy Dukes: Oh, boy… alright, uh, let’s take a call. Tommy from Canarsie, what’s your question for Coach Rack?

Caller #2: Yeah, hey — uh, yeah — I had a question for him, but, uh, it looks like Greg transformed him into an alien.

Randy Dukes: [ shaking his head ] Look — Greg is NOT an alien! Alright? And neither is Coach Rack!

Caller #2: Then, why do they both have tails?

[ Greg and Rack chant “Greg! Greg!” as their tails sway back and forth behind their chairs ]

Randy Dukes: STOP IT!! [ he chuckles nervously ] We’re talking about football! This is, uh — this is a sports show, okay? Next caller, uh — Pete from Livingston!

Caller #3: Hey!

Randy Dukes: Hey!

Caller #3: Greg’s an alien!

Randy Dukes: GODDAMMIT!!

Caller #3: Also, I say there’s no way The Saints can stop Peyton Manning. What do the Gregs think?

[ cut to Greg and Rack studying a desk globe ]

Caller #3: Ohhhh, that’s not good. They’re talking about doing stuff to the Earth! That’s classic alien!

Randy Dukes: [ flustered as hell ] GREG IS NOT AN ALIEN!!! And they’re not gonna do ANYTHING to the Earth! See? Watch this! [ he pulls the globe away from Greg and Rack, as they shriek ] Oh, no! Shh!! Shh!! Here! Okay! Okay, take it back! [ he returns the globe ]

Caller #3: Anyway, I love this show — but it’s Colts all the way, baby! Oh, and, uh, by the way — there’s four Gregs now.

[ reveal Greg, Rack, and two more clones standing behind them ]

Randy Dukes: Oh, come on!!

Greg and Clones: YOU’RE THE MAAAAAANNNNNN… RICK!!!! HAW-HAAAWWWWW!!!

Caller #3: Oh, I see what’s happening: They figured out how to multiply!

Randy Dukes: Huh? Okay, w-w-w-we’re talking Colts vs. Saints, okay? And — and — no one’s multiplying!

Caller #3: There’s eight now.

[ reveal Greg, Rack, and six more clones standing behind them, all chanting “Greg!” ]

Randy Dukes: [ weeping ] Okay, well… that’s the show. So, to recap: Super Bowl fever… Colts vs. Saints… who’s gonna win…?

[ suddenly, Greg jumps up from below frame and shrieks at the camera ] [ the video feed is lost once more ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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