Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 13
Hamm & Buble
[ open on stock restaurant close-ups footage ] [ dissolve to itnerior, restaurant, as a couple enters and passes Michael Buble, who begins to sing ]
“Tonight’s the night, making it right
A perfect meal for you and I.”
Jon Hamm: Good evening, I’m Jon Hamm. If you’re looking for a romantic night out at a restaurant that spcializes in pork dishes and fine champagne — look no further than Hamm & Buble (pronounced: Bubbly).
That’s actually pronounced Buble.
Jon Hamm: Well, Buble doesn’t work, so now it’s pronounced Bubbly![ Hamm smiles at the camera ]
Jon Hamm: If you enjoy a cozy atmosphere, excellent service, and healthy servings of pig meat accompanied by sparkling wines — you’ll love Hamm & Buble! [ to Buble, through clenched teeth: ] Now, SING!
Michael Buble: [ singing ]“So, grab your fork, and pop the cork
It’s time for your mouth to celebrate.”
Jon Hamm: Take your pick from one of our delicious menu options, like the Hamm-Buble: a 12-pound, champagne-glazed Smithfield Ham. Perfect for lovers.[ show waiter placing the large ham on a couple’s table ]
Jon Hamm: Or the Buble-Hamm: a champagne inspired by elegance and purity, filled with floating chunks of pork. That’s letting you know you’re drinking something special![ he holds up two glasses of the sparkling ham liquid ]
Jon Hamm: Let me drop these off!
Michael Buble: [ singing ]“I know what you’re thinking, and I agree
This is a bad idea for a restaurant.
Oh no, he’s coming back. When I get a chance
I’ll explain how… it came to this.”
Jon Hamm: And, if you like entertainment with your meal… you’re in luck! Every night at Hamm & Buble, Mr. Michael Buble will perform two shows: The 8 PM show, Michael is a ventriloquist; at 11 PM, he does a one-man show about William Faulkner.
Michael Buble: Don’t you just think it would be better if I sang in the shows?[ Hamm gives Buble the evil eye ] [ a bell dings ]
Jon Hamm: [ to the camera ] Excuse me! That sound means another delicious ham is ready![ Hamm exits ]
Michael Buble: [ singing, up-tempo ]“I was at a party. Jon Hamm came up to me
I could tell right away he was pretty drunk.
He pushed me in the corner, asked me, Do you like money?
Cause I have an idea thatll make a fortune.
I thought he was joking, so I started to laugh.
His eyes went black and he slapped my face.”
Michael Buble: [ changing his tune ]“Delicious ham, refreshing champagne
Oh, what a wonderful restaurant.”
Michael Buble: [ singing with a whisper ]“Hes holding me captive. He took my cell phone.
I havent seen sunlight, oh for days.
So, please call the police, before its too late.
I have a feeling hes standing right behind me.”
Jon Hamm: Is there a problem, Michael?
Michael Buble: [ singing nervously ]“N-no problem at all. So glad to be here.
This night is like a dream come true for me.
La la la da la. La la da la la…”
Jon Hamm: [ sternly ] You are on the thinnest of ice.[ Buble lowers his head in fear, as Hamm smiles at the camera ]
Jon Hamm: So stop by by Hamm & Buble! If you can find a better place for pork and champagne… keep it to yourself!
Announcer: Hamm & Buble. Because Hamm needs pork, and Buble needs champagne.[ fade ]