Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 13
Hamm & Buble
…..Jon Hamm
…..Michael Buble
[ open on stock restaurant close-ups footage ]
[ dissolve to itnerior, restaurant, as a couple enters and passes Michael Buble, who begins to sing ]
Michael Buble:
“Tonight’s the night, making it right
A perfect meal for you and I.”
[ Jon Hamm enters frame and addresses the camera ]
Jon Hamm: Good evening, I’m Jon Hamm. If you’re looking for a romantic night out at a restaurant that spcializes in pork dishes and fine champagne — look no further than Hamm & Buble (pronounced: Bubbly).
Michael Buble:
That’s actually pronounced Buble.
Jon Hamm: Well, Buble doesn’t work, so now it’s pronounced Bubbly!
[ Hamm smiles at the camera ]
Jon Hamm: If you enjoy a cozy atmosphere, excellent service, and healthy servings of pig meat accompanied by sparkling wines — you’ll love Hamm & Buble! [ to Buble, through clenched teeth: ] Now, SING!
Michael Buble: [ singing ]
“So, grab your fork, and pop the cork
It’s time for your mouth to celebrate.”
Jon Hamm: Take your pick from one of our delicious menu options, like the Hamm-Buble: a 12-pound, champagne-glazed Smithfield Ham. Perfect for lovers.
[ show waiter placing the large ham on a couple’s table ]
Jon Hamm: Or the Buble-Hamm: a champagne inspired by elegance and purity, filled with floating chunks of pork. That’s letting you know you’re drinking something special!
[ he holds up two glasses of the sparkling ham liquid ]
Jon Hamm: Let me drop these off!
[ Hamm exits with the glasses ]
Michael Buble: [ singing ]
“I know what you’re thinking, and I agree
This is a bad idea for a restaurant.
Oh no, he’s coming back. When I get a chance
I’ll explain how… it came to this.”
[ Hamm re-appears, and continues his pitch ]
Jon Hamm: And, if you like entertainment with your meal… you’re in luck! Every night at Hamm & Buble, Mr. Michael Buble will perform two shows: The 8 PM show, Michael is a ventriloquist; at 11 PM, he does a one-man show about William Faulkner.
Michael Buble: Don’t you just think it would be better if I sang in the shows?
[ Hamm gives Buble the evil eye ]
[ a bell dings ]
Jon Hamm: [ to the camera ] Excuse me! That sound means another delicious ham is ready!
[ Hamm exits ]
Michael Buble: [ singing, up-tempo ]
“I was at a party. Jon Hamm came up to me
I could tell right away he was pretty drunk.
He pushed me in the corner, asked me, Do you like money?
Cause I have an idea thatll make a fortune.
I thought he was joking, so I started to laugh.
His eyes went black and he slapped my face.”
[ Hamm re-appears carrying a tray of ham and champagne, stopping to eye a nervous Buble closely ]
Michael Buble: [ changing his tune ]
“Delicious ham, refreshing champagne
Oh, what a wonderful restaurant.”
[ Hamm continues on ]
Michael Buble: [ singing with a whisper ]
“Hes holding me captive. He took my cell phone.
I havent seen sunlight, oh for days.
So, please call the police, before its too late.
I have a feeling hes standing right behind me.”
[ reveal Hamm standing behind Buble, unpleased ]
Jon Hamm: Is there a problem, Michael?
Michael Buble: [ singing nervously ]
“N-no problem at all. So glad to be here.
This night is like a dream come true for me.
La la la da la. La la da la la…”
Jon Hamm: [ sternly ] You are on the thinnest of ice.
[ Buble lowers his head in fear, as Hamm smiles at the camera ]
Jon Hamm: So stop by by Hamm & Buble! If you can find a better place for pork and champagne… keep it to yourself!
[ Hamm grabs Bble by the shoulder ]
[ cut to exterior, restaurant ]
Announcer: Hamm & Buble. Because Hamm needs pork, and Buble needs champagne.
[ fade ]
