SNL Transcripts: Jon Hamm: 01/30/10: Hamm & Buble

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 13

09m: Jon Hamm / Michael Buble

Hamm & Buble

…..Jon Hamm
…..Michael Buble

[ open on stock restaurant close-ups footage ] [ dissolve to itnerior, restaurant, as a couple enters and passes Michael Buble, who begins to sing ]

Michael Buble:
“Tonight’s the night, making it right
A perfect meal for you and I.”

[ Jon Hamm enters frame and addresses the camera ]

Jon Hamm: Good evening, I’m Jon Hamm. If you’re looking for a romantic night out at a restaurant that spcializes in pork dishes and fine champagne — look no further than Hamm & Buble (pronounced: Bubbly).

Michael Buble:
That’s actually pronounced Buble.

Jon Hamm: Well, Buble doesn’t work, so now it’s pronounced Bubbly!

[ Hamm smiles at the camera ]

Jon Hamm: If you enjoy a cozy atmosphere, excellent service, and healthy servings of pig meat accompanied by sparkling wines — you’ll love Hamm & Buble! [ to Buble, through clenched teeth: ] Now, SING!

Michael Buble: [ singing ]“So, grab your fork, and pop the cork
It’s time for your mouth to celebrate.”

Jon Hamm: Take your pick from one of our delicious menu options, like the Hamm-Buble: a 12-pound, champagne-glazed Smithfield Ham. Perfect for lovers.

[ show waiter placing the large ham on a couple’s table ]

Jon Hamm: Or the Buble-Hamm: a champagne inspired by elegance and purity, filled with floating chunks of pork. That’s letting you know you’re drinking something special!

[ he holds up two glasses of the sparkling ham liquid ]

Jon Hamm: Let me drop these off!

[ Hamm exits with the glasses ]

Michael Buble: [ singing ]“I know what you’re thinking, and I agree
This is a bad idea for a restaurant.

Oh no, he’s coming back. When I get a chance
I’ll explain how… it came to this.”

[ Hamm re-appears, and continues his pitch ]

Jon Hamm: And, if you like entertainment with your meal… you’re in luck! Every night at Hamm & Buble, Mr. Michael Buble will perform two shows: The 8 PM show, Michael is a ventriloquist; at 11 PM, he does a one-man show about William Faulkner.

Michael Buble: Don’t you just think it would be better if I sang in the shows?

[ Hamm gives Buble the evil eye ] [ a bell dings ]

Jon Hamm: [ to the camera ] Excuse me! That sound means another delicious ham is ready!

[ Hamm exits ]

Michael Buble: [ singing, up-tempo ]“I was at a party. Jon Hamm came up to me
I could tell right away he was pretty drunk.

He pushed me in the corner, asked me, “Do you like money?
‘Cause I have an idea that’ll make a fortune.”

I thought he was joking, so I started to laugh.
His eyes went black and he slapped my face.”

[ Hamm re-appears carrying a tray of ham and champagne, stopping to eye a nervous Buble closely ]

Michael Buble: [ changing his tune ]“Delicious ham, refreshing champagne
Oh, what a wonderful restaurant.”

[ Hamm continues on ]

Michael Buble: [ singing with a whisper ]“He’s holding me captive. He took my cell phone.
I haven’t seen sunlight, oh for days.

So, please call the police, before it’s too late.
I have a feeling he’s standing right behind me.”

[ reveal Hamm standing behind Buble, unpleased ]

Jon Hamm: Is there a problem, Michael?

Michael Buble: [ singing nervously ]“N-no problem at all. So glad to be here.
This night is like a dream come true for me.

La la la da la. La la da la la…”

Jon Hamm: [ sternly ] You are on the thinnest of ice.

[ Buble lowers his head in fear, as Hamm smiles at the camera ]

Jon Hamm: So stop by by Hamm & Buble! If you can find a better place for pork and champagne… keep it to yourself!

[ Hamm grabs Bble by the shoulder ] [ cut to exterior, restaurant ]

Announcer: Hamm & Buble. Because Hamm needs pork, and Buble needs champagne.

[ fade ]

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