SNL Transcripts: Jon Hamm: 01/30/10: Hamm & Buble


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 13

09m: Jon Hamm / Michael Buble

Hamm & Buble

…..Jon Hamm
…..Michael Buble

[ open on stock restaurant close-ups footage ] [ dissolve to itnerior, restaurant, as a couple enters and passes Michael Buble, who begins to sing ]

Michael Buble:
“Tonight’s the night, making it right
A perfect meal for you and I.”

[ Jon Hamm enters frame and addresses the camera ]

Jon Hamm: Good evening, I’m Jon Hamm. If you’re looking for a romantic night out at a restaurant that spcializes in pork dishes and fine champagne — look no further than Hamm & Buble (pronounced: Bubbly).

Michael Buble:
That’s actually pronounced Buble.

Jon Hamm: Well, Buble doesn’t work, so now it’s pronounced Bubbly!

[ Hamm smiles at the camera ]

Jon Hamm: If you enjoy a cozy atmosphere, excellent service, and healthy servings of pig meat accompanied by sparkling wines — you’ll love Hamm & Buble! [ to Buble, through clenched teeth: ] Now, SING!

Michael Buble: [ singing ]“So, grab your fork, and pop the cork
It’s time for your mouth to celebrate.”

Jon Hamm: Take your pick from one of our delicious menu options, like the Hamm-Buble: a 12-pound, champagne-glazed Smithfield Ham. Perfect for lovers.

[ show waiter placing the large ham on a couple’s table ]

Jon Hamm: Or the Buble-Hamm: a champagne inspired by elegance and purity, filled with floating chunks of pork. That’s letting you know you’re drinking something special!

[ he holds up two glasses of the sparkling ham liquid ]

Jon Hamm: Let me drop these off!

[ Hamm exits with the glasses ]

Michael Buble: [ singing ]“I know what you’re thinking, and I agree
This is a bad idea for a restaurant.

Oh no, he’s coming back. When I get a chance
I’ll explain how… it came to this.”

[ Hamm re-appears, and continues his pitch ]

Jon Hamm: And, if you like entertainment with your meal… you’re in luck! Every night at Hamm & Buble, Mr. Michael Buble will perform two shows: The 8 PM show, Michael is a ventriloquist; at 11 PM, he does a one-man show about William Faulkner.

Michael Buble: Don’t you just think it would be better if I sang in the shows?

[ Hamm gives Buble the evil eye ] [ a bell dings ]

Jon Hamm: [ to the camera ] Excuse me! That sound means another delicious ham is ready!

[ Hamm exits ]

Michael Buble: [ singing, up-tempo ]“I was at a party. Jon Hamm came up to me
I could tell right away he was pretty drunk.

He pushed me in the corner, asked me, “Do you like money?
‘Cause I have an idea that’ll make a fortune.”

I thought he was joking, so I started to laugh.
His eyes went black and he slapped my face.”

[ Hamm re-appears carrying a tray of ham and champagne, stopping to eye a nervous Buble closely ]

Michael Buble: [ changing his tune ]“Delicious ham, refreshing champagne
Oh, what a wonderful restaurant.”

[ Hamm continues on ]

Michael Buble: [ singing with a whisper ]“He’s holding me captive. He took my cell phone.
I haven’t seen sunlight, oh for days.

So, please call the police, before it’s too late.
I have a feeling he’s standing right behind me.”

[ reveal Hamm standing behind Buble, unpleased ]

Jon Hamm: Is there a problem, Michael?

Michael Buble: [ singing nervously ]“N-no problem at all. So glad to be here.
This night is like a dream come true for me.

La la la da la. La la da la la…”

Jon Hamm: [ sternly ] You are on the thinnest of ice.

[ Buble lowers his head in fear, as Hamm smiles at the camera ]

Jon Hamm: So stop by by Hamm & Buble! If you can find a better place for pork and champagne… keep it to yourself!

[ Hamm grabs Bble by the shoulder ] [ cut to exterior, restaurant ]

Announcer: Hamm & Buble. Because Hamm needs pork, and Buble needs champagne.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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