Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 14
09n: Ashton Kutcher / Them Crooked Vultures
Cialis For Three Ways
Husband….Ashton Kutcher
Wife….Kristen Wiig
Katie….Jenny Slate
Doctor….Nasim Pedrad
[Opens with a misty landscape overlooking the ocean, a husband and wife inside their bathtubs look on]
Announcer: For yearsm Cialis has been America’s most trusted E.D. solution. In the past we’ve offered you a variety of options. Thirty six hour Cialis. Then Cialis for daily use. And now there’s brand new Cialis for three-ways.
[another bathtub with a girl in it appears next to the married couple]
Where you can be ready when that very rare moment is right. Like, when your wife’s old yoga teacher is in town.
[Wife opens the door, Katie enters, they hug, husband looks at them.]
Say, isn’t she the one your wife told you that story about? Or was it another Katie?
[Excited Katie pulls out a champagne bottle]
Nope, same Katie.
Whether its a special anniversary present or just a partner with low self-esteem —
[Wife drinks and flirts with Katie, husband laughs]
when it falls into your lap, you want your lap to be ready.
[Husband, wife and Katie hold hands]
That’s why Cialis for three-ways has 50% more of the effective ingredient.
[Husband, wife and Katie’s feet are jumbled and bumping in bed]
As well as a powerful anti-depressant to help you cope with the inevitable shame and regret.
[Katie leaves the bed wrapped in a bed sheet ashamed, husband waves bye to her, goes back to sleep with the wife]
There’s also a little Xanax in there to help you make it through the next day’s fallout.
[Husband is tripping balls and the wife is fighting and yelling to him]
So stop asking yourself: “Am I really that kind of person?” And start asking your doctor [Husband is talking with a female doctor] about Cialis for three-ways. Besides, you never know, your doctor might be into it.
[Female doctor takes her glasses off and grabs husband’s hand seductively]
Men who are taking MAOI inhibitors or have to work the next day should not use Cialis for three-ways.
[Husband covers his wife’s eyes, female doctor covers husband’s eyes]
Do not use Cialis for three-ways if the other chick’s dude wants to be there, too. You just, I don’t know, you don’t want any part of that.
[Three toothbrushes in the bathroom]
Cialis for three-ways.
[Husband and wife ride a three-seat bicycle]
Your lucky day, just got luckier.
[The trio look at misty landscape of the ocean from their bathtubs.]
[Cialis for Three-Ways logo]
[cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
