SNL Transcripts: Ashton Kutcher: 02/06/10: Cialis For Three Ways


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 14

09n: Ashton Kutcher / Them Crooked Vultures

Cialis For Three Ways

Husband….Ashton Kutcher
Wife….Kristen Wiig
Katie….Jenny Slate
Doctor….Nasim Pedrad

[Opens with a misty landscape overlooking the ocean, a husband and wife inside their bathtubs look on]

Announcer: For yearsm Cialis has been America’s most trusted E.D. solution. In the past we’ve offered you a variety of options. Thirty six hour Cialis. Then Cialis for daily use. And now there’s brand new Cialis for three-ways.

[another bathtub with a girl in it appears next to the married couple]

Where you can be ready when that very rare moment is right. Like, when your wife’s old yoga teacher is in town.

[Wife opens the door, Katie enters, they hug, husband looks at them.]

Say, isn’t she the one your wife told you that story about? Or was it another Katie?

[Excited Katie pulls out a champagne bottle]

Nope, same Katie.

Whether its a special anniversary present or just a partner with low self-esteem —

[Wife drinks and flirts with Katie, husband laughs]

when it falls into your lap, you want your lap to be ready.

[Husband, wife and Katie hold hands]

That’s why Cialis for three-ways has 50% more of the effective ingredient.

[Husband, wife and Katie’s feet are jumbled and bumping in bed]

As well as a powerful anti-depressant to help you cope with the inevitable shame and regret.

[Katie leaves the bed wrapped in a bed sheet ashamed, husband waves bye to her, goes back to sleep with the wife]

There’s also a little Xanax in there to help you make it through the next day’s fallout.

[Husband is tripping balls and the wife is fighting and yelling to him]

So stop asking yourself: “Am I really that kind of person?” And start asking your doctor [Husband is talking with a female doctor] about Cialis for three-ways. Besides, you never know, your doctor might be into it.

[Female doctor takes her glasses off and grabs husband’s hand seductively]

Men who are taking MAOI inhibitors or have to work the next day should not use Cialis for three-ways.

[Husband covers his wife’s eyes, female doctor covers husband’s eyes]

Do not use Cialis for three-ways if the other chick’s dude wants to be there, too. You just, I don’t know, you don’t want any part of that.

[Three toothbrushes in the bathroom]

Cialis for three-ways.

[Husband and wife ride a three-seat bicycle]

Your lucky day, just got luckier.

[The trio look at misty landscape of the ocean from their bathtubs.] [Cialis for Three-Ways logo] [cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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