SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Lopez: 02/27/10: Besos y Lagrimas


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 14

09o: Jennifer Lopez

Besos y Lagrimas

Josefina….Jennifer Lopez
Senor Gomez….Fred Armisen
Magdelena Gomez….Kristen Wiig
Carlos….Jason Sudeikis
Abogado[Lawyer]….Bill Hader
Sonia….Abby Elliott


Announcer: Besos y Lagrimas

[Opens with a shot of a mansion, cut to a man sitting in a wheelchair wearing an eye patch and breathing into an oxygen mask, a nun walks in the room carrying flowers]

Josefina: Flores, senor?

Senor Gomez: Josefina! Si! [removes eye patch]

Josefina: No.

Senor Gomez: TE AMO!

[dramatic music, passionate kiss] [cut to promo]

Announcer: Besos y Lagrimas.

[Josefina wears a night dress, she poses, Virgin Mary’s head floats by.] [Cut to Josefina dressed like a nun kissing Senor Gomez, enters Mrs. Gomez carrying a head made out of stone]

Magdelena: Josefina!

Josefina: Senora Gomez!

Senor Gomez: Magdelena!

Magdelena: Carlos! Ay, No!

Josefina: Magdelena! Ay, Si!

Senor Gomez: Josefina! No! Si! Ayyyyy!!!

[Magdelena throws the head statue against the wall smashing it to pieces]

Josefina: No! No! Senora! Lo siento-o-o-o-o!!!!

[anguished looks] [cut to promo] [Josefina walks in and Senor Gomez rolls in the wheelchair, gets up from it]

Announcer: Besos y Lagrimas

[cut to Senor Gomez sitting in his wheelchair and eating his salad, Magdelena stands next to him.]

Magdelena: Mira! [points out the window]

Senor Gomez: Que? [looks out the window]

Magdelena: [throws a little poison in his salad] Mira! [points out the window]

Senor Gomez: Que? [looks out the window, Magdelena throws a visible quantity of poison on the salad]

Magdelena: Mira! [points out the window]

Senor Gomez: Que? [looks out the window, Magdelena throws a gigantic quantity of poison on his salad]

Magdelena: Come su ensalada?

Senor Gomez: Ok.

[ Senor Gomez eats and Josefina bangs on the window pane mouthing silently “No!”, anguished look on her face. Senor Gomez dies.]

Magdelena: [diabolical laugh] Hahahahaha!!!

[cut to promo] [Josefina and Magdelena pose in their night gowns]

Announcer: Besos y Lagrimas

[cut to a room full of people, a lawyer reads a will in the Gomez household]

Lawyer: Senor Gomez, testamento y will. Carlos, cero!

Carlos: Cero?

Lawyer: Cero, si.

Carlos: Ayyyy!!! [anguished look]

Lawyer: Sonia, cero!

Sonia: Que?!

Lawyer: Cero!

Sonia: Ayyyy, no-o-o-o!!!! [anguished look]

Lawyer: Magdelena, will y testamento de senor Gomez!

Magdelena: Si?

Lawyer: Cero!

Magdelena: Ayyyy!!! [anguished look]

Lawyer: Esmeralda, cero!

[a shot of the dog Esmeralda]

Lawyer: Josefina! Todo el dinero!

Carlos: No! Todo? Ay, no!

Josefina: Lo siento-o-o-o-o!!!!

[Senor Gomez enters the room]

Senor Gomez: Josefina!

Josefina: Senor Gomez! Esta vivo!

[Josefina and Mr.Gomez kiss with red hot passion] [cut to promo] [Josefina, Magdelena Gomez and Senor Gomez pose,dog Esmeralda’s head floats by]

Announcer: Besos y Lagrimas.

[cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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