SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Lopez: 02/27/10: Undercover Celebrity Boss


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 15

09o: Jennifer Lopez

Undercover Celebrity Boss

Steve Jobs…..Fred Armisen
Female Office Worker…..Abby Elliott
Richard Branson…..Bill Hader
Male Office Worker…..Bobby Moynihan
Warehouse Manager…..Kenan Thompson
Mary-Kate Olson…..Nasim Pedrad
Ashley Olson…..Jenny Slate
Director…..Jason Sudeikis
Martha Stewart…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on montage footage of “Undercover Boss” ]

Announcer: It’s official. America loves “Undercover Boss,” the hit new show where top executives go undercover as entry-level workers in their own company. But what happens when the C.E.O. is a C.E.L.E.B.? It’s “Undercover Celebrity Boss.” Watch Steve Jobs empty a trash can.

[ cut to Steve Jobs as janitor talking to an office worker ]

Steve Jobs: This trash can… holds over 35 gallons… of trash. It plays music.

Female Office Worker: No, it doesn’t.

Steve Jobs: You can watch movies inside it.

Female Office Worker: Inside a trash can? [ she is unimpressed ]

Steve Jobs: The iTrash. [ he picks up a smaller can ] And now, the trash shuffle. Thank you! Thanks!

[ cut to next blurb ]

Announcer: And what happens when Virgin CEO Richard Branson loses his secretarial virginity?

[ cut to Richard Branson as secretary approaching an office worker ]

Richard Branson: [ laughing ] Here are those files you requested, Boss!

Male Office Worker: Oh, okay. So, you’re Richard Branson.

Richard Branson: [ guffawing ] Who? What? What gave me away?

Male Office Worker: Well, you showed up for work in a space shuttle… and you parachuted into a meeting… and then you screamed: “I am Sir Richard Branson!”

Richard Branson: I did! I own all this!

[ cut to warehouse exterior ]

Announcer: Then visit the warehouse, with mini-moguls Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Warehouse Manager: I don’t think you guys should be loading heavy boxes.

Mary-Kate Olsen: Why not? It’s not like we’re the Olsen Twins.

Ashley Olsen: Yeah, we’re just a couple of normal-sized warehouse workers.

Warehouse Manager: All right.

[ he lifts a box and places it in the hands of the Olson Twins, who collapse under the weight ] [ cut to the next blurb ]

Announcer: Plus, there’s Martha Stewart!

[ cut to Martha Stewart standing in a kitchen with her arms folded, as a director leans forward ]

Director: Excuse me, why aren’t you doing the dishes?

Martha Stewart: Because I’m Martha f–kin’ Stewart!

Announcer: “Undercover Celebrity Boss”. On the Celebrity Boss Station: CBS.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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