SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Lopez: 02/27/10: Hollywood Dish



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 14










09o: Jennifer Lopez

Hollywood Dish

…..Jennifer Lopez
Bill Hader…..Brady Trunk
Kristen Wiig…..Anastasia Sticks

FADE IN:

[ EXT. SUNSET GOWER STUDIOS – DAY ] [ INT. SOUNDSTAGE – DAY ] [ JENNIFER LOPEZ is seated on a stool. Enter BRADY & ANASTASIA. ]

Anastasia Sticks: Jennifer Lopez! Hi!!

Brady Trunk: Hi!

Anastasia Sticks: Look at your dress!

Brady Trunk: You look fantastic!

[ Both take their seats across from Jennifer. ]

Anastasia Sticks: Just a gorgeous lady!

Brady Trunk: We are so excited that you made time to do this interview!

Anastasia Sticks: Everyone here at “Hollywood Dish” just loves you!

Brady Trunk: Me, especially!!

Anastasia Sticks: Okay – – stop drooling or this whole place is gonna flood!

[ Both giggle. ]

Jennifer Lopez: Oh, that’s okay.

[ Everybody smiles. ]

Brady Trunk: I’m Brady Trunk…

Anastasia Sticks: …and I’m Anastasia Sticks.

Jennifer Lopez: I know who you are. I used to watch “Hollywood Dish” when I was nursing my kids.

Brady Trunk: Ewww!!! Gross!

[ Anastasia covers her ears, makes tongue sounds and shakes her head. ]

Brady Trunk: Too much info! Alright, let’s get started. Are we ready?

Anastasia Sticks: Good to go?

[ Both face off-camera briefly. ]

Brady Trunk: Good to go?

Anastasia Sticks: Am I shiny!? Is my hair parted!?

Brady Trunk: Okay! A 2 & 3 – Jennifer Lopez! You just released a single and you’ve got a movie coming out in April!

Anastasia Sticks: Not bad!

Jennifer Lopez: Thank you, thank you! Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy.

[ Brady & Anastasia give insincere smiles. ]

Jennifer Lopez: You know, I took a couple of years off.

[ Brady & Anastasia stare without emotion. ]

Jennifer Lopez: But it’s great to be back, because, you know, I miss performing so much.

[ Brady & Anastasia pantomime praise and cheers. ]

Jennifer Lopez: And, um… I’m sorry, is something wrong?

Anastasia Sticks: No, no, no, no! You’re doing fine!

Brady Trunk: We just can’t talk over you. It’ll ruin the sound.

Anastasia Sticks: Yes, no sonida! Overlappa!

Jennifer Lopez: Uh… I speak English.

Anastasia Sticks: I speak Spanish!

Brady Trunk: Touché!

Anastasia Sticks: He speaks French!

Brady Trunk: Oui!

[ Both laugh while Jennifer flashes a slight smile. ]

Brady Trunk: J-Lo – your movie is called “The Back-Up Plan” and I think a lot of people will “plan” to “go back” again… and again… and again!

Jennifer Lopez: Well, I hope they do!

[ Brady & Anastasia display uncertainty in body language. ]

Jennifer Lopez: The best part is we shot the movie in New York.

[ Brady & Anastasia are half-asleep. ]

Jennifer Lopez: And, um… you know, I’m a New York girl – from the Bronx.

[ Brady & Anastasia pantomime an urban mugging. ]

Jennifer Lopez: So… it was a great experience to be back in my hometown.

[ Brady & Anastasia grimace and shake their heads. ]

Jennifer Lopez: But I hope it’s, uh, a big hit. As my mom used to say, “La paciencia y la fe.”

Brady Trunk: Spanish!

Anastasia Sticks: Do more Spanish! Do more Spanish! Yeah!

Jennifer Lopez: La paciencia y la fe? It just means “patience and faith.”

Anastasia Sticks: More! More!

Brady Trunk: Do some more! Do some more!

Jennifer Lopez: Like, “La paciencia y la fe!” Or, “La paciencia y la fe!!”

Anastasia Sticks: Sexy! Sexy!

Brady Trunk: Make it hot!

Anastasia Sticks: Spicy! Spicy!

[ Jennifer spouts numerous Spanish phrases and screams the final one. Brady & Anastasia sit aghast. ]

Brady Trunk: Yikes!

Anastasia Sticks: We’re right here!

[ Jennifer rolls her eyes. ]

Jennifer Lopez: Anyway, I’m really proud of the movie. It’s great! It’s about a woman –

[ Anastasia giggles hysterically. ]

Anastasia Sticks: Terrific! So Jennifer, let’s get to the meat of the bones – – what’s Marc Anthony like in bed?

Jennifer Lopez: That’s a little personal…

Brady Trunk: Can’t you give us any details?

Jennifer Lopez: Ummm…

Brady & Anastasia: Ummm…

Jennifer Lopez: Ehhh…

Brady & Anastasia: Ehhh…

Jennifer Lopez: Uh, I –

[ Brady & Anastasia scream to the top of their lungs. ]

Jennifer Lopez: Um… okay! Are we almost done here? Because…

Brady Trunk: Just one last question — what did you think of the last episode of “The Bachelor”?

[ Brady & Anastasia start straw-sipping on milkshakes in vintage glasses. ]

Jennifer Lopez: Uh, you know… I don’t think I even saw that.

[ Brady spits his mouthful of milkshake on Anastasia. Jennifer cringes.]

Jennifer Lopez: Yeah… I’ve been so busy, I don’t have time to watch TV.

[ Brady almost takes a mouth sip but throws the rest of his shake on Anastasia, mouth wide open. Anastasia frowns and starts readjusting her lavalier. ]

Anastasia Sticks: So, how do you keep so fit?

Jennifer Lopez: Well, I… I… dance a lot. And with two kids, I’m always running around. Uh… I have a trainer and a nutritionist, which makes it a whole lot easier. Wait, is he asleep?

[ Brady’s wearing a paper cut-out mask of himself while passed out on Anastasia’s shoulder. She has removed her blouse and only wearing a bra made of coconuts. ]

Jennifer Lopez: Okay! Okay! You know what!? I’m leaving! I’m out of here! Okay?

[ Jennifer gets out of her stool and steps in milkshake residue. ]

Jennifer Lopez: Ugh! I’m walking in milkshake!

[ Jennifer exits. ]

Anastasia Sticks: She was great!

Brady Trunk: She was great!!!

Anastasia Sticks: Sexy and so talented!

Brady Trunk: So tiny!

Anastasia Sticks: Love her, love her!

Brady Trunk: Tiny!

[ “HOLLYWOOD DISH” COMMERICIAL SPOT ] [ SAME SOUNDSTAGE – DIFFERENT SET ] [ Brady & Anastasia stand together. ]

Brady Trunk: Tonight on “Hollywood Dish”, you want to tune in to find out: has J. Lo gone loco?

[ CUT TO: SEGEMENT OF JENNIFER SPOUTING NUMEROUS SPANISH PHRASES ] [ SUPER: I LIKE TO HIT PEOPLE WITH MY CAR! ]

Anastasia Sticks: Plus, Mario Lopez shows you how you can get the perfect six-pack… on your face!

Brady Trunk: Tonight on “Hollywood Dish” !

[ Brady & Anastasia engage in cross-chatter. ]

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of