SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Lopez: 02/27/10: Eternal Spark of Love



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 14












09o: Jennifer Lopez

Eternal Spark of Love

Sean…..Jason Sudeikis
Michelle…..Jennifer Lopez
Narrator…..Kenan Thompson
Female Co-Worker…..Nasim Pedrad

[ open on exterior, office building ] [ dissolve to interior, copy room ]

Sean: Back in the copy room, huh?

Michelle: Yeah. My boss has a conference coming up.

Sean: You’re new here, right?

Michelle: Yeah! Yeah. I just started on Tuesday. I’m Michelle.

Sean: Hi. I’m Sean.

[ they shake hands, as the lights dim, sexy music pops up, and the Narrator slides into frame ]

Narrator: Oh, yes! What do we have here? You know, I’ve heard office chit chats can often lead to office pitty pat! And I’m talking romance. Will two strangers take a chance on love? Let’s watch.

[ he slides out of frame, as the scene resumes ]

Sean: So, uh — you work for Linda, right?

Michelle: Yeah. Yeah, she’s got me working late already. I didn’t come home until… 8:00 last night.

Sean: Oh… boy. that’s, uh — yeah. I hope your husband doesn’t mind.

Michelle: Oh! I’m not married.

[ he holds his head up high, as the lights dim, sexy music pops up, and the Narrator slides into frame ]

Narrator: Ohhhh, yeah! Now things are really cooking! Somebody preheat the oven to 69!

[ he slides out of frame, as the scene resumes ]

Sean: You’re not married, huh? Do you have a boyfriend?

Michelle: Uh, kind of.

Sean: Kind of?

Michelle: Yeah. I have, like, uh, fifty boyfriends.

Sean: Really?

Michelle: Yeah. They’re my puppets.

Sean: Oh. You’re like a man-eater, huh?

Michelle: Oh, no, no. They’re real puppets. I’m a ventriloquist.

Sean: Oh.

Michelle: Yeah, I have a ton of puppets in my home. We do lots of things together: we talk, we sing, we have dance parties!

[ she motions her hips and laughs, as the lights dim, sexy music pops up, and the Narrator slides into frame ]

Narrator: Okay, now wait a minute now. She says she’s got fifty puppets for boyfriends… they’ve got dance parties. How does she make fifty puppets dance? I mean, I’ve heard of being FREAKY, but not TOO freaky. I don’t understand —

[ he slides out of frame, as the scene resumes ]

Sean: Wow! You’re really into puppets.

Michelle: Yeah, they’re my life. Oh, here! [ she reaches behind her ] One of them came to work with me today.

Sean: Came with you? You mean… you brought him, right?

Michelle: [ pulling an oversized puppet out of her bag ] I want you to meet Socrates!

Sean: Alright…

Michelle: Socrates loves to sing! [ singing as Socrates ] “I’m a big boy now, I’m a big boy now, and I wear big boy pants!”

[ she holds her pose, as the lights dim, sexy music pops up, and the Narrator slides past the frame speechless ]

Narrator: No, wait, wait, wait! Wait! I got something. [ he slides back into frame ] I got something. [ he makes an attempt ] No, I don’t have it. I don’t have nothing.

[ he slides out of frame, as the scene resumes ]

Sean: Well, that — that’s really fun.

Michelle: You think so?

Sean: Uh — yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Michelle: [ she laughs ] Well, it’s my real passion.

Sean: Uh — gotta have a passion…

Michelle: I’m hoping to do shows for kids one day.

Sean: Oh, yeah? I-I love kids.

Michelle: You do?

Sean: Absolutely.

[ she smiles at him, as the lights dim, sexy music pops up, and the Narrator slides into frame ]

Narrator: Oh yeah, back on track! They both like kids, and we all know there’s only one way to make them! You see, love can be a — [ he starts to slide out of frame ] Wait, wait, wait! Don’t — [ he’s yanked out of frame and falls with a crash before jumping back to his feet ] Ahh! Come on, Jimmy! Seriously, man! Fifteen years of this, man, we can’t get it right?! Come on, Jimmy! Reggie, you supposed to be helping him out!

[ he slides out of frame, as the scene resumes ]

Michelle: Well, if you like kids, I should show you my puppets. At least half of them are kids. They’re so naughty!

Sean: They’re naughty?

Michelle: Yeah. Sometimes I have to spank them!

[ the Narrator steps into frame ]

Narrator: What the damn? NO!!

[ he steps out of frame ]

Sean: Okay, well, uh, you know what? I’m gonna go ahead and get back to my desk. I got a lot of work to do. But it’s nice meeting you.

Michelle: Okay! Bye.

[ he exits the copy room, as a female co-worker enters ]

Female Co-Worker: Hey! Still in the copy room?

Michelle: Yeah. Yeah. It’s just been a… rough day.

Female Co-Worker: Oh, Michelle, I’m sorry.

[ she wraps her arm around Michelle’s shoulder, as the lights dim, sexy music pops up, and the Narrator slides into frame ]

Narrator: Oh, yeah! So much better! You see that, Jimmy? Yeah, you like that, right? Yeah. Real, real nice. [ he starts to be pulled out of frame ] No, no, wait, I want to watch this! No, don’t pull me out! Wait! I want to watch this!

[ he slides out of frame ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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