SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Lopez: 02/27/10: Jennifer Lopez’s Monologue



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 14








09o: Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez’s Monologue

…..Jennifer Lopez
Dante…..Kenan Thompson
Mannifer Bropez…..Bill Hader
J-Blow…..Jason Sudeikis

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Jennifer Lopez!

Jennifer Lopez: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. It is great to be here hosting “Saturday Night Live”. You know, I was first on this show ten years ago. Back then, I was single and traveling around with a big entourage. It was a crazy time, but you know, people grow up. Now I’m married, with two beautiful children. [ the audience begins to applaud ] Yes! And I’ve left all that stuff behind.

Dante: [ from the audience ] You sure did!

Jennifer Lopez: I’m sorry. Who are you?

Dante: I’m Dante. I was in your entourage for three years. I hold the orange juice, remember?

Jennifer Lopez: Oh, yeah! Hi, Dante. I haven’t seen you in a while. Like I was saying: No, I lead kind of a simple life.

Dante: Yeah, well, now I lead a very simple life. I have no job and my only experience is walking around with a glass of orange juice.

Jennifer Lopez: Hey, Dante, you know, you got to believe in yourself. Remember what I always told you when you were we were back in Bronx?

Dante: Oh, I remember what you told me. “Drop out of Fordham and hold my orange juice.” And I did. I was majoring in alternative fuel biology — and now that’s a thing!

Jennifer Lopez: Well, I’m sorry you’re upset. I guess there are some people who might feel left behind, you know? But you can’t live in the past.

Mannifer Bropez: Yes, you can!

Jennifer Lopez: Hello! Who are you?

Mannifer Bropez: J-Lo drag queens. Remember? We used to go to all your concerts. I’m Mannifer Bropez.

J-Blow: And I’m J-Blow.

Jennifer Lopez: I see. Guys, I think, you know, it’s time to move on. I mean, who is ever going to buy you guys as women?

[ Dante steps forward ]

Dante: Well! Hello there, ladies.

Mannifer Bropez: Oh, my gosh! Is that J-Lo’s orange juice?

Dante: Yeah. Why don’t we get out of here and I’ll let you hold it. And then you could hold the orange juice.

[ the three of them walk off together ]

Jennifer Lopez: I knew Dante would be okay. We have a great show tonight. I’m here. So stick around, and we’ll be right back.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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