SNL Transcripts: Jennifer Lopez: 02/27/10: Smash Mouth



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 14














09o: Jennifer Lopez

Smash Mouth

Mom…..Jennifer Lopez
Cecilia…..Nasim Pedrad
Dad…..Jason SudeikisSteve Harwell…..Bobby MoynihanMichael Klooster…..Bill HaderGreg Camp…..Fred Armisen

[ open on exterior, house, night ] [ dissolve to interior, Cecilia’s bedroom, as her Mom reads a bedtime story ]

Mom: And the bears felt really good about everything, and so did the owls. The end. Good night, sweetie. [ she kisses Cecilia on the head ] Sleep tight.

Cecilia: [ apprehensively ] Okay.

Mom: What’s wrong?

Cecilia: I’m scared. They’re going to come out again!

Mom: Cecilia, I’ve told you a million times — you have nothing to be afraid of. There’s nothing in your closet. Come here.

[ Mom pulls Cecilia out of bed ]

Cecilia: Mom, I don’t want to!

[ Mom opens the closet ]

Mom: See? Nothing. Okay? Now go to sleep. [ Cecilia climbs back into bed ] Good night, baby.

[ Mom exits the bedroom and hits the lights ] [ Cecilia watches in fear as a pink light appears from her closet ] [ suddenly, the band Smash Mouth bursts out of her closet, singing ]

Smash Mouth: [ singing ]“Somebody once told me, the world is going to roll me!
I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed!”

Cecilia: [ screaming ] Mom! Mom!

[ Mom rushes in, as the band retreats back into the closet ]

Mom: Honey, what is it?!

Cecilia: Smash Mouth! Smash Mouth!

Mom: [ confused ] What are you saying?

Cecilia: Smash Mouth! Smash Mouth came out of my closet and sang that song again!

Mom: Honey, I don’t — I don’t see Smash Mouth anywhere.

Cecilia: Ohhh…

Mom: Now, you’ve got a Tae Kwon Do tournament in the morning, so just close your eyes and try to fall asleep.

Cecilia: Okay… I’ll try…

[ Mom exits the bedroom and hits the lights ] [ Cecilia watches in fear as a pink light appears from her closet ] [ suddenly, the band Smash Mouth bursts out from under her bed, singing ]

Smash Mouth: [ singing ]“Somebody once told me, the world is going to roll me!
I ain’t –“

Cecilia: Mom! Mom! They came back! Hurry!

[ Mom rushes in, as the band quickly retreats into the closet ]

Mom: Honey, what’s going on?!

Cecilia: Smash Mo-o-o-o-outh!

Mom: And don’t say Smash Mouth again…

Cecilia: But they were! They keep coming out and singing that song!

Mom: What song?

Cecilia: I don’t want to sing it, or it’ll get stuck in your head and you won’t be able to get it out!

Mom: Well, where is Smash Mouth now?

Cecilia: They’re back in the closet!

Mom: Oh!

[ she storms over to the closet and thrusts the door open without actually peeking inside. Of course, there they are. ]

Mom: Look! No Smash Mouth.

Cecilia: Mom, they’re right there. I can see their soul patches!

Mom: [ without bothering to look ] I don’t see any Smash Mouth!

Cecilia: Smash Mouth is right in front of you!

Mom: [ disgusted, she slams the door ] This needs to stop, Cecilia!

[ Dad enters the bedroom ]

Dad: What is all the commotion in here?

Cecilia: Daddy, I can’t sleep!

Mom: She says the band Smash Mouth is in her closet.

Dad: Smash Mouth? Smash Mouth. [ thinking ] Wait a minute, are those the guys that did the, um — [ singing ] “Do, do, do, do, do –“

Cecilia: No! That’s Third Eye Blind.

Dad: Oh.

Cecilia: Smash Mouth are the ones that do: [ loudly ] Some-BODY –“

Dad: Oh, yeah, yeah! No, I remember that. I know that song, sure. Yeah, kind of a, uhhh, what are they — skate punk band.

Mom: I — I think they were more like beach rock.

Dad: Oh, is that what it’s called?

Cecilia: Mom, Dad!

Mom: Look — either way… they are NOT in your closet.

Cecilia: But, Mom!

Mom: And that’s that. Now, go to sleep.

Cecilia: Ohhhh…

Mom: That’s it!

[ Mom and Dad exit the bedroom and hits the lights ] [ Cecilia watches in fear as a pink light appears from her closet ]

Cecilia: Oh… Smash Mouth… Smash Mouth… Smash Mouth…

[ she climbs out of bed ] [ suddenly, the band Smash Mouth bursts through the wall, singing ]

Smash Mouth: [ singing ]“Somebody once told me, the world was going to roll me –“

Cecilia: MOM!! MOM!! MOM!!

[ Mom rushes in, as the band quickly freezes in place ]

Mom: CECILIA!!

Cecilia: SMASH MOUTH!! [ she points at the band ]

Mom: No one is in here!

Cecilia: What?!

Mom: Baby, baby, baby, here. What happens when Smash Mouth comes?

Cecilia: They sing that song.

Mom: Now, what’s so bad about that? Do you agree that that it’s a catchy song?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: Didn’t you set your end-of-the-year soccer montage video to that song?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: And weren’t you excited when Mr. Gordon played it when he juggled in the faculty talent show?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: Yeah. What about when your unemployed cousin made it his ring tone?

Cecilia: Yeah.

Mom: And aren’t you THRILLED when it plays in the bathroom of that Baja Fresh?

Cecilia: Always.

Mom: Now, those are happy times, right? [ Cecilia nods ] Smash Mouth may not be Mozart, but they never claimed to be. They’re just some positive guys from San Jose who are trying to have some fun.

[ the band nods at this positive description of themselves ]

Mom: They’re chill bros, Cecilia. Smash Mouth is nothing to be afraid of. Does this sound scary to you? [ singing ] “So much to do, so much to see, so what’s wrong with taking the back street?”

Cecilia: [ singing ] “You’ll never know if you don’t go!”

Mom: [ singing ] “You’ll never shine if you don’t glow!”

[ the band takes center stage and Dad runs into the room to join the fun ]

All: “Hey now! You’re an all-star! Get your game on, go play!”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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