Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 14
We Are The World 3
Quincy Jones…..Kenan Thompson
Rihanna…..Jennifer Lopez
Gwen Stefani…..Kristen Wiig
Shakira…..Nasim Pedrad
Eddie Vedder…..Bill Hader
Willie Nelson…..Will Forte
Adam Lambert…..Jason Sudeikis
Lady Gaga…..Jenny Slate
Melissa Etheridge…..Abby Elliott
David Crosby…..Bobby Moynihan
Josh Groban…..Andy Samberg
Carlos Santana…..Fred Armisen
Robin Thicke…..Seth Meyers
Announcer: And now a message from Quincy Jones.
(Cut to Quincy Jones in the recording studio.)
Quincy Jones: Hello, I’m Quincy Jones. Recently, the music world came together to release “We Are The World 2”, a song to raise awareness for the Haiti earthquake disaster. Sadly, the song itself was a disaster. While the original “We Are The World” brought together stars like Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, and Tina Turner — this new version was a sloppy mess of half-famous Brandos like Bitsy Bone and Hissy Russell. It was bad, but we will heal — as we always do — through song. That’s why I’ve assembled another group of musicians for: WE ARE THE WORLD 3: RAISING AWARENESS OF THE WE ARE THE WORLD 2 DISASTER!
(Cut to a recording studio littered with music superstars. To the tune of “We Are The World”. Cut to Rihanna and Gwen Stefani.)
Rihanna: (Singing)
“There comes a time, eh.
When we heed a certain call, eh.
And the world must come together as one.”
Gwen Stefani: (Singing)
“There were people singing, some famous but mostly not.
A big swing that didn’t work at all.”
Chorus: (Singing)
“We are the world, was good the first time.”
(Cut to Rihanna and Gwen Stefani.)
Rihanna: (Singing) “But this remake, it was a big mistake.”
Gwen Stefani: (Singing) “Though well intentioned.”
(Cut to Shakira.)
Shakira: (Singing) “It just seemed chaotic and so disorganized.”
(Cut to Eddie Vedder.)
Eddie Vedder: (Singing) “Most people wouldn’t take off their sunglasses, yeah!”
Chorus: (Singing) “Let’s stress again, the good intentions.”
(Cut to Willie Nelson.)
Willie Nelson: (Singing)
“But, hey, come on.
I think I saw Vince Vaughn, and that’s Jeff Bridges.”
(Cut to Adam Lambert.)
Adam Lambert: (Singing) “Almost half the solos were cheaply auto-tuned.”
(Cut to Willie Nelson.)
Willie Nelson: (Singing) “And the whole thing seemed to frighten Justin Beiber.”
Chorus: (Singing) “Let’s stress once more, these people meant well.”
(Cut to Lady Gaga.)
Lady Gaga: (Singing) “But tell me who is this weird dude right in the front row?”
(Cut to Melissa Etheridge.)
Melissa Etheridge: (Singing)
“There was someone’s baby, and a man who’s now in jail.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
A guy everyone hates, and Wyclef’s crazy yell!”
(Cut to Adam Lambert.)
Adam Lambert: (Singing) “Ohhhhh, and standing in the back, the icing on the cake.”
(Cut to David Crosby.)
David Crosby: (Singing) “Next to Vince Vaughn, could that be Fonzworth Bentley?”
Chorus: (Singing) “It’s been confirmed, it’s Fozworth Bentley.”
(Cut to Rihanna.)
Rihanna: (Singing) “He was the fellow who held the umbrella for P. Diddy. (‘ella, ‘ella!)
(Cut to Carlos Santana and Josh Groban.)
Josh Groban: (Singing)
“We were there, I tell you
’twas like the glimpse of hell
if everyone in hell smelled like weed.”
Chorus: (Singing) “We are the world”
Adam Lambert: (Singing) “We are the world!”
Chorus: (Singing) “was good the first time.”
(Cut to Lady Gaga.)
Lady Gaga: (Singing) “But this new tape was like a bad remake they did of Psycho.”
Chorus: (Singing)
“Wait, oh my God, that had Vince Vaughn, too?
It all makes sense, it all makes sense, it all makes sense now.
We are the world”
Adam Lambert: (Singing) “We are the world”
Chorus: (Singing) “Was good the first time.”
Adam Lambert: (Singing) “Was good the first time.”
(Cut to Quincy Jones.)
Quincy Jones: Hmm. Well, that was pretty bad, too. Damn. Well, we’re 1 for 3. And, “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!”
Submitted by: Samantha Hunt
