Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 17
March 13th, 2010
Massa Exit InterviewSummary: Congressman Eric Massa (Bobby Moynihan) recalls gay “snorkeling” adventures while conducting his exit interview from Congress.
Jude Law’s MonologueSummary: Jude Law outlines the excitement of portraying Hamlet on Broadway.
FordSummary: Ford Hybrid’s brakes are as good as other defective brands.
Secret WordSummary: Emcee Lyle Round (Bill Hader) is frustrated when celebrity panelists Mindy Grayson (Kristen Wiig) and Vladmir Kuchev (Jude Law) are unable to grasp the concept of the game without sacrificing their huge egos.
Recurring Characters: Lyle Round, Mindy Grayson.
Broadview SecuritySummary: Homeowner (Nasim Pedrad) is protected no matter what variety of male predator tries to break through her door.
SpainSummary: Lusty Spaniard (Jude Law) wants to wine, dine, and kill two attractive Americans (Abby Elliott, Nasim Pedrad), and, best of all, it’s part of the travel experience!
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg and Julian Casablancas sing about holding up their “Boombox”.
Pearl Jam performs “Just Breathe”
Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Whoopi Goldberg (Kenan Thompson) comments on her endorsement of Poise pads. Seth Meyers and Jerry Seinfeld ask “Really!?!” in response to Congressman Eric Massa’s excuses for having gay sex with his staffers.
Recurring Characters: Whoopi Goldberg.
The Twilight ZoneSummary: Airplane passenger (Jude Law) when he sees a Thing (Bobby Moynihan) performing wacky tasks on the wing.
Recurring Characters: Rod Serling.
Hamlet AuditionsSummary: Jude Law recalls competing for the lead role in Hamlet against Al Pacino (Bill Hader), Nathan Lane (Bobby Moynihan), Nicolas Cage (Andy Samberg) and Sam Elliott (Jason Sudeikis).
Recurring Characters: Nathan Lane, Al Pacino, Nicolas Cage, Sam Elliott.
Kickspit Underground Rock FestivalSummary: DJ Super Soak (Jason Sudeikis) and Lil Blaster (Nasim Pedrad) promote the under-underground rock festival that features viruses, pitchforks and the late Ass Dan.
Note: Repeat from 09h.
Pearl Jam performs “Unthought Known”
Court StenographerSummary: Court stenographer ELinda Nade (Fred Armisen) insists on being disruptive and looking for her chapstick in the middle of an important trial.
Recurring Characters: Elinda Nade.
Talk Show with RavishSummary: Child prodigy Ravish (Nasim Pedrad) is forced by his dad (Fred Armisen) to host a talk show in their living room.
Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Mondo ButtsSummary: Two guys (Andy Samberg, Jude Law) hosting a show about big butts are attacked by a gorilla that escapes from the zoo.
Naomi CampbellSummary: Naomi Campbell (Kenan Thompson) throws a fit when her limo driver (Bobby Moynihan) arrives late to pick up her and Michael Caine (Jude Law).
Recurring Characters: Michael Caine.
HairheadsSummary: A shopkeeper’s (Jude Law) glass store is destroyed by hairhead creatures.
Hairheads IISummary: A shopkeeper’s (Jude Law) glass store is destroyed anew by baby hairhead creatures.
Hairheads IIISummary: Years later, a shopkeeper’s (Jude Law) glass store is destroyed again by hairhead creatures and their dog.
GraveyardSummary: Spokesman (Bobby Moynihan) advertises headstones for people with severe health problems.