Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 17
An SNL Digital Short
…..Andy Samberg
…..Julian Casablancas
Drug Dealer…..Akiva Schaffer
Spanish Guy…..Fred Armisen
Orderly…..Bobby Moynihan
FADE IN:
[ The picture shakes as the bass of the boombox blasts. ANDY SAMBERG standing in front of several speakers with his head tilted down. The camera moves closer and closer on him as he quickly tilts his head up. ]Andy Samberg: [singing]Imagine in your mind youre in a posh country club
INT. COUNTRY CLUB DAY
Andy Samberg: [singing]The stuffy old money where the poor get snubbed
The spread is bland sauerkraut and boiled goose
Theres no way these people will ever cut loose
Andy Samberg: [singing]But then I walk in the room, hold my boombox high
And what happened next, will blow your mind
Julian Casablancas: [singing]Everything got outta control
The music was so entrancing
Everyone got out of the floor
It was a bunch of white people dancing
EXT. NYC DAY
[ Andy strolls down the Upper West Side. Two street cops arrest a drug dealer. ]Andy Samberg: [singing]The Big Apple, where people never dance
Spirits go down while profits expand
The cops or the dealers, whos got the juice
Andy Samberg: [singing]The street vendors peddling their boiled goose
So many types of people, theyll never get along
Till I bust out my boombox and play this song
Julian Casablancas: [singing]The music washed away all their hate
And society started advancing
Every demographic was represented
It was a rainbow coalition of dancing
Julian Casablancas: [singing]Whoa!
[ INTERCUT between the street and Julian on an all black soundstage raining glitter.]Julian Casablancas: [singing]Everyone was wearing fingerless gloves
[ Andy, Julian, and the crowd wiggle their fingerless, gloved-covered hands. ]Julian Casablancas: [singing]Whoaaaaaoaaaaaoh!
I saw a Spanish guy doing the Bartman
INT. RETIREMENT HOME DAY
Andy Samberg: [singing]Transport now to an old folks home
Where the elderly are tossed on their brittle bones
Andy Samberg: [singing]The orderlies are stealing, theres no excuse
Everyday for lunch they eat boiled goose
Andy Samberg: [singing]So I grabbed my boombox and hit the turbo base
[ Andy flips a switch labeled TURBO BASS and holds the boombox high. ]Andy Samberg: [singing]And what happened next was a total disgrace
Julian Casablancas: [singing]Everybody started having sex
The music was way too powerful
A bunch of old people fucking like rabbits
It was disgusting to say the least
Oh!
A boombox can change the world
You gotta know your limits with a boombox
This is a cautionary tale
A boombox is not a toy!
END
Submitted by: Cody Downs