SNL Transcripts: Tina Fey: 04/10/10: Brownie Husband

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 18

09r: Tina Fey / Justin Bieber

Brownie Husband

Single Woman…..Tina Fey

[ open on single woman coming home from a long day at work ]

Announcer: You’ve worked a long day. It’s not easy being the Perfect Boss… the Perfect Best Friend… the Perfect Aunt. But when you’re done, who’s there for you? Duncan Hines. That’s who. With our newest indulgence, specifically designed for the single woman.

[ she pops brownie mix into the microwave ]

Announcer: Introducing…. Brownie Husband, our very first companion dessert.

[ reveal product box ]

Announcer: In just ninety seconds, Brownie Husband bakes into a delicious partner just for you, a luxurious temptation that’s only 120 calories per serving.

[ now completely baked, the single woman sits on the couch with her man-sized warm brownie and takes a fork to his chest ] [ SUPER: “Brownie Husband represents 500 servings” ]

Announcer: Made of sumptious Belgium fudge, Brownie Husband can satisfy all your cravings. The ones in your mouth —

Single Woman: You taste so good.

Announcer: and your soul.

[ single woman bites down on Brownie Husband’s neck ] [ time-lapse to single woman rubbing Brownie Husband’s hand through her hair ]

Single Woman: [ giggling ] Why, yes. I did get highlights! Thank you for noticing.

Announcer: Finally, you can stuff your feelings down… with something you have feelings for

[ time-lapse to single woman dressed in negligee and dancing with Brownie Husband in her bedroom ]

Announcer: Brownie Husband is there whenever you need him/it.

[ time-lapse to single woman giving a neck massage to Brownie Husband ]

Announcer: The perfect blend of rich fudge and emotional intimacy, Brownie Husband is guaranteed to arouse all your senses.

Single Woman: You seem tense.

[ she grabs a handful of brownie from his neck and eats ] [ time-lapse to single woman lying in bed and french-kissing Brownie Husband’s mouth ]

Announcer: And at the center of every Brownie Husband, is a warm, moist caramel surprise.

[ gooey caramel spills forth from Brownie Husband’s mouth ]

Announcer: Duncan Hines Brownie Husband. Now available with or without nuts.

[ time-lapse to single woman waking up in the morning with disheveled hair and brownie chunks and crumbs scattered across her bed ]

Announcer: Brownie Husband. We now pronounce you… full.

[ fade ]

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