Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 19
Underground Rock Minute
Thrilla Killa Klown…..Ryan Phillippe
Ass Dan…..Bobby Moynihan
Lil Blaster…..Nasim Pedrad
DJ Super Soak…..Jason Sudeikis
FADE IN:[ VARIOUS CRUDE ANIMATION DRAWINGS ]
Announcer: Stankmouth Soda presents the Underground Rock Minute!! Bringing you all the latest in underground rock and r-a-a-a-d-d!!![ TITLE: UNDERGROUND ROCK MINUTE ] [ INT. UNDERGROUND ROCK MINUTE STUDIOS DAY ] [ DJ Super Soak & Lil Blaster stand side by side. ]
DJ Super Soak: Ha-ha! Whats up ninjas!? Its DJ Super Soak again!
Lil Blaster: And Im Lil Blaster!!
DJ Super Soak: Today, were gonna show you the new video from the Thrilla Killa Klownz![ Publicity still of ASS DAN and his THRILLA KILLA KLOWN partner. Both are wearing baggy, white clothes and matching facial paint and Asian inspired tattoos on their necks. ] [ BACK TO STUDIO ]
Lil Blaster: You may know their previous violent songs like, Im Gonna Stab Ya Face! and Curb-Stomp Your Enthusiasm.
DJ Super Soak: Ah!! Love that song! But this song takes the band in a whole new direction!
Lil Blaster: True, true its got a positive message and yo! It makes you think!!
DJ Super Soak: Thats right! Heres Thrilla Killa Klownz with Magical Mysteries.
Ass Dan: Ha-ha! Theres so many confusing things out there!
Thrilla Killa Klown: Well get your magnifying glasses out, ninjas! Were going to take a closer look at life!!
Both: [singing]The world is full of magical mysteries,
Puzzles unsolved since ancient history.
Ass Dan: [singing]Where does sand leave at night?[ Both men are in black and white pictures. ]
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]Did people used to really live in black and white?
Is the world round or is it flat?
How come no one can tell me that?
Ass Dan: [singing]Whats with islands?
Get more land!!
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]Whats with deserts?
Get less sand!!
What is Alaska?
Who is Brazil?
Isnt a volcano just an angry hill?
Ass Dan: [singing]How did God even think of dirt?
Erasable pens make my head hurt!
Both: [singing]Metal, girls, iron, fire!
Howd they get my voice in a telephone wire!?
Ass Dan: [singing]Why are pants different than shirts?
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]Blankets!? How do they work?
Chorus (V/O): The world is full of mysteries
Ass Dan: Yo! How do suitcases always know where to meet you? Huh?
Chorus (V/O): So many magical mysteries
Thrilla Killa Klown: Are kids small? Or just far away?
Chorus (V/O): So many magical mysteries
Ass Dan: Why do some mountains look like Presidents?
Thrilla Killa Klown: What the fuck is a clock?
Ass Dan: Nows heres a list of some stuff – –
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]Trees, swans, capes, a horse
Ass Dan: [singing]Triangles, witches
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]A different horse!
Ass Dan: [singing]The world has 10,000 people
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]And Santa Claus created all of us equal [ A young boy & girl are dressed like Ass Dan. ]
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]Ass Dans kids look just like Ass Dan![ Two similar dressed kids are next to Ass Dan. ]
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]And my two kids just look like Ass Dan![ Thrilla ponders on the lyric he just recited. ]
Ass Dan: [singing]So with every note, let it bounce off your brain!!
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]The mysteries of life cant be explained!
Ass Dan: [singing]So fuck you books!
We dont need your tricks!
Thrilla Killa Klown: [singing]And all you scientists
Can suck on this!
Ass Dan: Ah yeah, ninjas!!!
Thrilla Killa Klown: Life is a beautiful thing!
Ass Dan: Take two, fresh! Ass Dan! 2010! Ha-ha![ EXTREME CLOSE-UP OF ASS DAN ]
Ass Dan: Im gonna live forever! Ha-ha![ FREEZE FRAME IN B/W ] [ SOMBER MUSIC ] [ SUPER: ASS DAN, 1981-2010 ] [ BACK IN STUDIO ]
DJ Super Soak: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! That was tight! But for real, on a serious note, Ass Dan did just die while we were playing that video there.[ Lil Blasters fighting back the tears. ]
Lil Blaster: [quivering] Whoop-whoop!
DJ Super Soak: Thats all the time we got for the Underground Rock Minute!
Lil Blaster: Im Lil Blaster!
DJ Super Soak: And Im DJ Super Soak! Get your crunk on! Whoo-hoo-hoo!!![ A BLACK AND WHITE PHOTO OF DJ SUPER SOAK ] [ SOMBER MUSIC ] [ SUPER: IN MEMORY, DJ SUPER SOAK, 1974-2010 ]
Submitted by: Cody Downs