Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 19
The Shake Weight Commercial DVD
Suburban Dad…..Bobby Moynihan
Testimonial 1…..Fred Armisen
Testimonial 3…..Andy Samberg
Testimonial 4…..Kenan Thompson
Testimonial 5…..Will Forte
Pink Tanktop Girl…..Kristen Wiig
Other Models…..Jenny Slate
[ open on images from the Shake Weight commercial ]
Entrepreneur: The Shake Weight. A revolutionary new way for women to shape and tone their arms. Youve seen the commercial. Now… wouldnt you like to see it again? If youre like me, you cant get enough of this Shake Weight commercial. At first, I couldnt believe it was real. Then, I realized it was. Then, I made sure no one was around… [ a beat ] and then I did a third thing.[ show scenes of a Suburban Dad frantically trying to catch the commercial on TV ]
Entrepreneur V/O: Until now, seeing the Shake Weight commercial has been inconvenient. You never know when it’s gonna be on. Sometimes, ou only catch the very end of it. And then, when it is on, your stupid kids are in the room.
Entrepreneur: But now, there is a convenient way to see the Shake Weight commercial — EVERY DAY! Introducing… [ he holds up a homemade disc ] The Shake Weight Commercial DVD. The lightweight DVD featuring the Shake Weight commercial three times on a loop, then some static, and then nothing else.[ show Testimonial 1 in a corner box as the commercial plays ]
Testimonial 1: Oh yeah, this DVD’s great! First of all, you can show your friends it’s an actual commercial — that’s kind of cool. And the second reason… [ he practically salivates ] Yeah, if you don’t know the second reason… don’t bother getting the DVD.[ show Suburban Dad in a corner box as the commercial plays ]
Suburban Dad: Me? I like the slo-mo parts. I guess, technically, they slow it down for science, but, really, it just gives you more time to imagine stuff.
Entrepreneur: The Shake Weight DVD comes in a variety of fake covers to keep your wife away. Like: “Saw V”… a “Three Stooges” movie … and “Sam Kinison: Live in Tempe”.[ show Testimonial 3 in a corner box as the commercial plays ]
Testimonial 3: This DVD is great for ANYONE who likes to watch women get all porno with a gym weight.[ show Testimonial 4 in a corner box as the commercial plays ]
Testimonial 4: I like that… forward lunge… reach back position. She looks like she’s about to run a marathon, but first she has to… help a guy out! That has no business being on free TV![ cut to Testimonial 5 ]
Testimonial 5: If I had to pick a favorite, it’s… uh… pink tanktop girl. Yeah![ reveal pink tanktop girl ] [ show Testimonial 5 in a corner box as the commercial plays ]
Testimonial 5: Of all of them… you can tell she’s in on it.[ the other testimonials appear in squares surrounding pink tanktop girl, and they’re all in agreement ]
Entrepreneur: Yes — she is in on it![ cut to product slide ]
Entrepreneur V/O: Get your Shake Weight Commercial DVD today! It’s fun to watch!
Entrepreneur: And, in its own weird way… [ he flexes one full-muscled arm ] a GREAT workout![ fade ]