SNL Transcripts: Gabourey Sidibe: 04/24/10: A Conversation with Gabourey Sidibe

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 20

09t: Gabourey Sidibe / MGMT

A Conversation with Gabourey Sidibe

…..Gabourey Sidibe
Hamilton…..Will Forte
Agent…..Kenan Thompson
Fan…..Nasim Pedrad

[ A sign: “The New York Times presents: A Conversation with Gabourey Sidibe] [Opens on a little hotel conference room. Academy Award Nominee Gabourey Sidibe talks to a small group of people with her agent. “Precious” movie poster]

Gabourey Sidibe: ….and working on “Precious” was one of the most exciting experiences of my life and I’m honored to be a part of it.


Agent: Ok. Let’s open it up to questions.

Fan: Yes. Hi, a lot of the movie is centered around Precious’s desire for a boyfriend. Are you currently dating anybody?

Gabourey Sidibe: No, I’m not. I was in a relationship for a long time but it didn’t work out. So right now I’m just enjoying being single.

Agent: Yes. Anyone else?

Hamilton:[deep voice] Yes. I have a question, my love.

[Hamilton holds a microphone, big tinted sunglasses, his 60’s style blond hairdo]

Gabourey Sidibe: Hamilton, what are you doing here?

Hamilton: I’ve come to ask for your black hand in marriage.

Gabourey Sidibe: Hamilton, this is not the time or the place for this.

Hamilton: If not us, who? If not now, when?

Gabourey Sidibe: Hamilton, I don’t think that you of all people should be quoting RFK.

Hamilton: Oh, it was RFK? I thought it was from “Birth of a Nation”. Well, whatever. You just take me back, my love.

Gabourey Sidibe: Hamilton, you are straight up crazy if you think I would ever go back with you.

Hamilton: Apparently you have forgotten how I used to captive you with my sensual dancing. How I spent long nights tracing passages from Robert Ludlum’s novels into your back with my penis.

Gabourey Sidibe: Hamilton, yes. We had some great times but I’ve moved on. I have a career now.

Hamilton: Well, I offer you the role of a lifetime. The role of my wife. Mrs. Hamilton Whiteman.

Gabourey Sidibe: Hamilton, don’t you get it? I’m a proud African-American woman. I can’t be with a person that thinks the way that you do.

Hamilton: Gabourey, I’m different now. With the changing of the guard in the White House. Or should I say Black House? [Hamilton looks to high five a black man next to him, black guy ignores him] I’ve realized that I must change my antiquated attitude about race relations.

Gabourey Sidibe: I find that hard to believe. Tell me one thing that you’ve done.

Hamilton: I saw your movie.

Gabourey Sidibe: You–, you saw “Precious”?

Hamilton: Yes, my Gab. I went to the local Magic Johnson movie theaters. I looked for a Larry Bird theater but it didn’t exist. Full disclosure. I was wearing riot gear and carrying my bayonet cane.

Gabourey Sidibe: Oh Hamilton, I’m so flattered. Tell me you liked the movie.

Hamilton: The black audience was talking to the screen 90% of it. But what I saw, I liked. What I saw, I liked.

Gabourey Sidibe: Hamilton, you don’t know how much that means to me. And I’m sorry that those people talked.

Hamilton: Don’t you call them “those people”.

Gabourey Sidibe: Oh, Ham. You really have changed.

Hamilton: Enough for you to take me back? Take me back.

Gabourey Sidibe: I’ll take you back. [with lust] And I’ll take your front.

Agent: You sure you wanna do that?

Gabourey Sidibe: I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.

Hamilton: [approaches Gabourey at the table singing] Oh, I am with you, life is a Gabourey, my dear…life is a Gabourey. [kisses Gabourey hand] I love you.

[cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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