Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 20
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Steve Harvey….Kenan Thompson
Contestant 1….Abby Elliott
Contestant 2….Bobby Moynihan
Contestant 3….Gabourey Sidibe
[Who Want to a Millionaire logo. Steve Harvey in his spiffy suit poses]
Announcer: This week on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire! You loved him last week, now he’s back! Celebrity guest host Steve Harvey returns!
[cut to the set of the show]
Steve Harvey: All right now. You excited to be here?
Contestant 1: Absolutely. I’m excited, elated. I’m exuberant.
Steve Harvey: Well, looks like we caught us a college graduate. I used to work in a factory. Ok, here we go, darling. For $1,000. Here’s your question: What 1925 novel features a character named Nick Carraway?
[Possible answers: a] The Great Gatsby b] Ulysses c] Angels and Demons d] Last of the Mohicans]
Steve Harvey: Was it: a] The Great Gassy, b] Olissis, c]Angels and Dominicans, or d]Last of the Moeshas.
Contestant 1: What?
Announcer: Comedian, author and clothes designer Steve Harvey will keep you guessing, while they’re guessing in this special week of “Millionaire”.
[Steve poses in spiffy suit]
[cut back to the set]
Steve Harvey: You like this suit, player?
Contestant 2: It’s very nice.
Steve Harvey: Yeah, it’s from the Steve Harvey collection. You know how many buttons this got? 50! There’s 10 just on the inside of this sleeve right here. Ain’t that something?
Contestant 2: Yeah.
[Steve looks unsure what to say]
Steve Harvey: Ok, here we go. Let’s see if we can win you some money. This spice, popular on Italian dishes, is from the mint family.
[Possible answers: a]Oregano b]Horseradish c] Basil d] Paprika]
Steve Harvey: Is it: a] Oregami, b] Horse rashes, c]Brazil, d] Papo ricans. Heh, heh, I love papo ricans! My make-up lady is half-papo rican! You know I was in Papo Rico last month!
[Steve dances]
Announcer: Steve Harvey is back on the show he was born to host!
[back to the set]
Steve Harvey: [looks around the set] It’s like a spaceship. Where are we going? Mars?
Contestant 3: [clenched teeth] Just ask the question.
Stve Harvey: All right. Here we go darling. For $25,000.
[Question: The volcano known as Eyjafjallajukull is closest to what Icelandic city?]
Steve Harvey: The volcano known as, [Steve opens his eyes big] Eya….um, Eya, Ey, faya….fe, fie, foe.
Contestant 3: Hell, no.
Steve Harvey: Oh, wait a minute. I got this. Let me get this. I’m gonna get it. Eyya, faya, Eyya, faya….yomo gashe is closest to what Icelandic city?
[Possible answers: a]Reykjavic b] Kopagorur c] Hafnarfjorour d] Fjaroabyggo]
Steve Harvey: Is it: a] [Steve eyes wide open, stumped] Buk ba kiabkubu, b] Kavajaba, Kavajaba, jaba, or c] Heflofhef, or d] The Fu Schinikens.
[Contestant 3 chokes Steve]
Contestant 3: What are you talking about?! Steve Harvey is taking my money!
Steve Harvey: Hey! I’m getting tired!
Announcer: Watch Steve Harvey all this week on “Millionaire”. And be sure to tune in afterwards when Larry The Cable Guy guest hosts “Wheel of Fortune”.
[photo of Larry in front of Wheel of Fortune logo]
[cheers and applause]
[fade]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
