SNL Transcripts: Betty White: 05/08/10: Delicious Dish


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 21

09u: Betty White / Jay-Z

Delicious Dish

Margaret Jo McCullen…..Ana Gasteyer
Teri Rialto…..Molly Shannon
Florence Dusty…..Betty White

[ open on exterior, NPR bulding, night ] [ dissolve to interior, studio ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Hello. I’m Margaret Jo McCullen.

Teri Rialto: And I’m Teri Rialto.

Together: And you’re listening to… The Delicious Dish. On National Public Radio.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, Teri. Tomorrow is the first Sunday in May. And it’s one of our favorite holidays, on Delicious Dish.

Teri Rialto: That’s right, Margaret Jo. Every year, for one day, we celebrate and say thank you to…

Together: Dietary fiber!

Teri Rialto: As you all know, Sunday is National Dietary Fiber Day, and we’ve celebrated that together for years.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah. And, even though we’ve been friends for a long time, you could say our shared love of fiber keeps our relationship “bran” new!

Teri Rialto: [ smiling ] That’s funny!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Thanks!

Teri Rialto: You took the “d” off “brand” and made it “bran”.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Bingo!

Teri Rialto: Did you just come up with that joke?

Margaret Jo McCullen: No. I got the idea the day after last day’s — [ she clears her throat ] last year’s dietary fiber show, so I had to wait ’til now. So, Teri… what’s your favorite kind of fiber?

Teri Rialto: I like Quinoa.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Whoa!

Teri Rialto: I threw you, didn’t I? You thought I was gonna say barley.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah. That was a real game changer.

Teri Rialto: [ smiling ] More like, grain changer!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Good one. You’re lucky you thought of that joke today.

Teri Rialto: Yeah. It’s neat.

Margaret Jo McCullen: It’s fun.

Teri Rialto: Good times.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Happy Fiber Day.

Teri Rialto: You, too.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Thanks!

[ they both smile before continuing ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Our guest today is a little bit of a rock star in the confectionary world.

Teri Rialto: No kidding. She can shake it, break it, and sprinkle it, child.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Please welcome Florence Dusty, from Dusty’s Old-Time Bakery.

Teri Rialto: Hi, Florence!

[ Florence Dusty slides over ]

Florence Dusty: Thank you for having me!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Florence, what delicious treat are you gonig to share with us today?

Florence Dusty: Well… a lot of people like my pumpkin pie, and, of course, my carrot cake is obviously legendary! But, if there’s one thing I’m known for… it’s my muffin.

[ she slides a tray of muffings over ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Ooh! Wow! Get a whiff of that!

Florence Dusty: Pretty intense, right?

Teri Rialto: Mmm… I can’t wait to taste your muffin. [ eating ] Mmm… wow! Warm! Yummy!

Margaret Jo McCullen: It’s surprisingly salty. I mean that in a very good way.

Teri Rialto: Your muffin is remarkably velvety.

Margaret Jo McCullen: It’s true. I think we both assumed — and I think, wrongfully — that a baker of your generation might tend towards a more… drier, crusty muffin.

Florence Dusty: Well, that’s true, that many bakers from my era have dry or, even, yeasty muffins.

Margaret Jo McCullen: A yeasty muffin can really ruin your whole day.

Teri Rialto: Sometimes, your week.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow, the phone lines are really lighting up.

Teri Rialto: We can get to those later.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Florence, there’s a tangy taste in this muffin. Is that a cherry?

Florence Dusty: No. My muffin hasn’t had a cherry since 1939.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Your muffin sure has seen a lot.

[ they continue eating ]

Teri Rialto: Mmm… your muffin just squirted in my mouth!

Florence Dusty: It happens.

Teri Rialto: I guess I’m eating it the right way.

Florence Dusty: Yeah! Go to town!

Margaret Jo McCullen: You know, I don’t talk about it a lot, but… I went through a pretty major muffin phase in college.

Florence Dusty: I would have guessed that, based on your appearance.

Margaret Jo McCullen: It’s the haircut.

Teri Rialto: You know… you’re unveiling your new muffin today. Are you nervous about how it will be received?

Florence Dusty: Well, you know, girls, when I was younger, I was so concerned about how my muffin looked. But, as I got older, I started to think: “To heck with it! This is MY muffin, and I don’t care HOW it looks! I’m just gonna let it all hang out.”

Margaret Jo McCullen: That’s really progressive.

Teri Rialto: You go, girl!

Florence Dusty: That’s right, child! I’m Florence Dusty! I’m 88 and a half years old, and I’m proud to unveil my Giant Dusty Muffin!

[ she slides over a tray with one giant muffin on it ]

Teri Rialto: Ooh!

Margaret Jo McCullen: That’s gorgeous. Look at that.

Florence Dusty: Well, ladies, as I used to say to my loving husband, Irving, of 55 years: “What are you waiting for, stupid? Eat it!”

[ they dig in ]

Margaret Jo McCullen: God bless. Good times!

Teri Rialto: God bless you.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, thank you so much, Florence, and, to our listeners: Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to post some sweet muffin shots online later.

Florence Dusty: Good times!

Teri Rialto: That’s all for Delicious Dish. Join us next week, when we’ll be talking about…

Together: Pork Buns!

[ shaking her head ] Not a fan.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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2 years ago

LOLOLOLOLOL. I rate this 100000/100
This is the quote that would forever change the history channel, even the Discovery Channel.
Florence Dusty: No. My muffin hasn’t had a cherry since 1939.
LOL. 🤣🤣🤣

Last edited 2 years ago by Wildcats2024
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