Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 21
Margaret Jo McCullen…..Ana Gasteyer
Teri Rialto…..Molly Shannon
Florence Dusty…..Betty White
Margaret Jo McCullen: Hello. I’m Margaret Jo McCullen.
Teri Rialto: And I’m Teri Rialto.
Together: And you’re listening to… The Delicious Dish. On National Public Radio.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, Teri. Tomorrow is the first Sunday in May. And it’s one of our favorite holidays, on Delicious Dish.
Teri Rialto: That’s right, Margaret Jo. Every year, for one day, we celebrate and say thank you to…
Together: Dietary fiber!
Teri Rialto: As you all know, Sunday is National Dietary Fiber Day, and we’ve celebrated that together for years.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah. And, even though we’ve been friends for a long time, you could say our shared love of fiber keeps our relationship “bran” new!
Teri Rialto: [ smiling ] That’s funny!
Margaret Jo McCullen: Thanks!
Teri Rialto: You took the “d” off “brand” and made it “bran”.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Bingo!
Teri Rialto: Did you just come up with that joke?
Margaret Jo McCullen: No. I got the idea the day after last day’s — [ she clears her throat ] last year’s dietary fiber show, so I had to wait ’til now. So, Teri… what’s your favorite kind of fiber?
Teri Rialto: I like Quinoa.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Whoa!
Teri Rialto: I threw you, didn’t I? You thought I was gonna say barley.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah. That was a real game changer.
Teri Rialto: [ smiling ] More like, grain changer!
Margaret Jo McCullen: Good one. You’re lucky you thought of that joke today.
Teri Rialto: Yeah. It’s neat.
Margaret Jo McCullen: It’s fun.
Teri Rialto: Good times.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Happy Fiber Day.
Teri Rialto: You, too.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Thanks![ they both smile before continuing ]
Margaret Jo McCullen: Our guest today is a little bit of a rock star in the confectionary world.
Teri Rialto: No kidding. She can shake it, break it, and sprinkle it, child.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Please welcome Florence Dusty, from Dusty’s Old-Time Bakery.
Teri Rialto: Hi, Florence![ Florence Dusty slides over ]
Florence Dusty: Thank you for having me!
Margaret Jo McCullen: Florence, what delicious treat are you gonig to share with us today?
Florence Dusty: Well… a lot of people like my pumpkin pie, and, of course, my carrot cake is obviously legendary! But, if there’s one thing Im known for… its my muffin.[ she slides a tray of muffings over ]
Margaret Jo McCullen: Ooh! Wow! Get a whiff of that!
Florence Dusty: Pretty intense, right?
Teri Rialto: Mmm… I can’t wait to taste your muffin. [ eating ] Mmm… wow! Warm! Yummy!
Margaret Jo McCullen: It’s surprisingly salty. I mean that in a very good way.
Teri Rialto: Your muffin is remarkably velvety.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Its true. I think we both assumed — and I think, wrongfully — that a baker of your generation might tend towards a more… drier, crusty muffin.
Florence Dusty: Well, that’s true, that many bakers from my era have dry or, even, yeasty muffins.
Margaret Jo McCullen: A yeasty muffin can really ruin your whole day.
Teri Rialto: Sometimes, your week.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow, the phone lines are really lighting up.
Teri Rialto: We can get to those later.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Florence, there’s a tangy taste in this muffin. Is that a cherry?
Florence Dusty: No. My muffin hasnt had a cherry since 1939.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Your muffin sure has seen a lot.[ they continue eating ]
Teri Rialto: Mmm… your muffin just squirted in my mouth!
Florence Dusty: It happens.
Teri Rialto: I guess I’m eating it the right way.
Florence Dusty: Yeah! Go to town!
Margaret Jo McCullen: You know, I dont talk about it a lot, but… I went through a pretty major muffin phase in college.
Florence Dusty: I would have guessed that, based on your appearance.
Margaret Jo McCullen: It’s the haircut.
Teri Rialto: You know… you’re unveiling your new muffin today. Are you nervous about how it will be received?
Florence Dusty: Well, you know, girls, when I was younger, I was so concerned about how my muffin looked. But, as I got older, I started to think: “To heck with it! This is MY muffin, and I don’t care HOW it looks! I’m just gonna let it all hang out.”
Margaret Jo McCullen: That’s really progressive.
Teri Rialto: You go, girl!
Florence Dusty: That’s right, child! I’m Florence Dusty! I’m 88 and a half years old, and I’m proud to unveil my Giant Dusty Muffin![ she slides over a tray with one giant muffin on it ]
Teri Rialto: Ooh!
Margaret Jo McCullen: That’s gorgeous. Look at that.
Florence Dusty: Well, ladies, as I used to say to my loving husband, Irving, of 55 years: “What are you waiting for, stupid? Eat it!”[ they dig in ]
Margaret Jo McCullen: God bless. Good times!
Teri Rialto: God bless you.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, thank you so much, Florence, and, to our listeners: Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to post some sweet muffin shots online later.
Florence Dusty: Good times!
Teri Rialto: That’s all for Delicious Dish. Join us next week, when we’ll be talking about…
Together: Pork Buns![ shaking her head ] Not a fan. [ fade ]