SNL Transcripts: Betty White: 05/08/10: MacGruber II


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 21

09u: Betty White / Jay-Z

MacGruber II

MacGruber…..Will Forte
Vicky…..Kristen Wiig
Nana…..Betty White

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Working with his Grandma’s put a strain on their relationship!
She’s telling lots of stories that are really embarrassing!
He’s losing all his street cred!”

[CUT to MacGruber being made fun of by another couple as he strikes a karate pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: “MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!”

[CUT to a clandestine guerilla airport. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Clandestine Guerilla Airport.” CUT to a sign marked “Airport Control Room” as sirens wail.]

Nana: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber, this door is magnet-locked!

Vicky: And from the looks of that mini-hydrogen bomb, we’ve got about 20 seconds!

MacGruber: Don’t worry, gang — we will get out of here. And we’ll do it together. Right, Nana?

[ Nana grins ]

Vicky: Fifteen seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Okay! Uh — Vicky — please! Hand me that paper clip — thank you!

Vicky: You got it, MacGruber!

Nana: MacGruber? Do you still have scars from when you had your breast reduction surgery?

MacGruber: Uh… no, Nana, I don’t. Because I never had one!

Nana: Ohh, he’s embarrassed!

MacGruber: [ clenching his teeth ] We have gone over this before! This is not story time, we are trying to diffuse a freaking bomb here! So just stay over there, and keep your mouth shut!

Vicky: Ten seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Uh — uh — Vicky! Please hand me that cord! Thank you!

Vicky: Here you go, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Nana!

[ Nana appears to be dead ]

Vicky: Oh, my God!

MacGruber: [ shaking his head ] She’s just playing dead. She does this all the time for attention. Good job, Nana! Real mature! 88 years old! Really freakin’ mature! Everynoe knows you’re still alive!

[ no reaction ]

MacGruber: Check her pulse, just in case.

[ Vicky leans forward, afraid ] [ Nana opens one eye for a quick second ]

MacGruber: [ pointing ] I SAW THAT!! HA HA! I WIN!!

[CUT to the airport exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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