Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 21
MacGruber II
MacGruber…..Will Forte
Vicky…..Kristen Wiig
Nana…..Betty White
[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]
Singers:
“MacGruber!
Working with his Grandma’s put a strain on their relationship!
MacGruber!
She’s telling lots of stories that are really embarrassing!
MacGruber!
He’s losing all his street cred!”
[CUT to MacGruber being made fun of by another couple as he strikes a karate pose against footage of flames.]
Singers: “MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!”
[CUT to a clandestine guerilla airport. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Clandestine Guerilla Airport.” CUT to a sign marked “Airport Control Room” as sirens wail.]
Nana: [struggling with locked door] MacGruber, this door is magnet-locked!
Vicky: And from the looks of that mini-hydrogen bomb, we’ve got about 20 seconds!
MacGruber: Don’t worry, gang — we will get out of here. And we’ll do it together. Right, Nana?
[ Nana grins ]
Vicky: Fifteen seconds, MacGruber!
MacGruber: Okay! Uh — Vicky — please! Hand me that paper clip — thank you!
Vicky: You got it, MacGruber!
Nana: MacGruber? Do you still have scars from when you had your breast reduction surgery?
MacGruber: Uh… no, Nana, I don’t. Because I never had one!
Nana: Ohh, he’s embarrassed!
MacGruber: [ clenching his teeth ] We have gone over this before! This is not story time, we are trying to diffuse a freaking bomb here! So just stay over there, and keep your mouth shut!
Vicky: Ten seconds, MacGruber!
MacGruber: Uh — uh — Vicky! Please hand me that cord! Thank you!
Vicky: Here you go, MacGruber!
MacGruber: Nana!
[ Nana appears to be dead ]
Vicky: Oh, my God!
MacGruber: [ shaking his head ] She’s just playing dead. She does this all the time for attention. Good job, Nana! Real mature! 88 years old! Really freakin’ mature! Everynoe knows you’re still alive!
[ no reaction ]
MacGruber: Check her pulse, just in case.
[ Vicky leans forward, afraid ]
[ Nana opens one eye for a quick second ]
MacGruber: [ pointing ] I SAW THAT!! HA HA! I WIN!!
[CUT to the airport exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]
Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!
[ fade ]
