SNL Transcripts: Betty White: 05/08/10: The Manuel Ortiz Show


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 35: Episode 21

09u: Betty White / Jay-Z

The Manuel Ortiz Show

Manuel Ortiz….Fred Armisen
Renata Montoyez….Maya Rudolph
Renata’s sister….Ana Gasteyer
Merlin….Bill Hader
Nelson Carreras….Will Forte
Sr. Carreras….Bobby Moynihan
Sra. Carreras….Betty White
Julisa….Kristen Wiig

[TV Dominicana logo]

Announcer: You’re watching Telecentro TV Dominicana. At 6:00 Fireworks. Followed by 10:00 JAG. But first The Manuel Ortiz Show.

[The Manuel Ortiz Show logo]

Manuel Ortiz: Hola. Welcome to the show. I am Manuel Ortiz. I am here to listen and help you work with your problem. And if I cannot, I’m very,very sorry. My first guest today has lost all contact with her sister. Please welcome, Renata Montoyez.

[Merengue music plays]

[Manuel and Renata dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whips head to the side. Music stops, they sit down]

Manuel Ortiz: Welcome Renata Montoyez.

Renata Montoyez: Oh, muchas gracias Manuel.

Manuel Ortiz: So, what has happened between you and your sister?

Renata Montoyez: [emotional] Oh, this is so hard for me.

Manuel Ortiz: Try.

Renata Montoyez: Ok. My sister, she sleeps with my husband. They say they just esleep but I am not there to make sure.

Manuel Ortiz: Well, guess who’s here? Your sister.

Renata Montoyez: No!

Manuel Ortiz: Yes!

Renata Montoyez: No!

Manuel Ortiz: Let’s bring her out!

[Merengue music plays. Manuel, Renata and Renata’s sister dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whip head to the side] [Music stops, they sit down]

Renata’s Sister: Buenos dias Manuel.

Manuel Ortiz: Your sister is very upset with you.

Renata Montoyez: You sleep with my husband!

Renata’s Sister: So? We’re amigos with benefits.

Manuel Ortiz: I have a surprise for both of you. Let’s bring him out!

[Merengue music plays. Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister and Merlin dance the merengue. A couple of steps and whip the head to the side.] [Music stops, they sit down]

Renata Montoyez: Merlin, why are you here?!

Manuel Ortiz: Merlin has something to say. He wanted to wait to tell you together in front of a studio audience.

Merlin: Yes. Both of you. Hold my hands. [Renata and her sister hold hands with Merlin] I think….I am gay.

Renata Montoyez: You did this to him!

Renata’s Sister: No! I did nothing to him. This is what has happened.

Manuel Ortiz: So, I have someone here who wants to see Merlin. Please welcome, Nelson Carreras.

[Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister, Merlin and Nelson dance the merengue. Merlin checks Nelson’s ass while dancing. A couple of steps, whip head to the side] [Music stops, they sit down]

Nelson Carreras: Oh, a snap on everyone’s faces but Merlin’s.

Merlin: Te amo Nelson.

Nelson Carreras: Te amo Merlin.

Manuel Ortiz: Nelson, did Julisa the make-up girl, prepared you?

Nelson Carreras: No. Do I have a shine?

Manuel Ortiz: Yes, a terrible one.

Nelson Carreras: Ah!

Manuel Ortiz: Julisa, we need powder!

[Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister, Merlin and Nelson dance the merengue. Julisa dances and powders Nelson’s face. A couple of steps, whip head to the side. Julisa jumps out of camera range] [Music stops, they sit down]

Manuel Ortiz: Now Nelson, there is something very special that you wanted to do today.

Nelson Carreras: Yes. My parents don’t know I’m gay.

Manuel Ortiz: Then let’s bring them out. Sr y Sra. Carreras!

[Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister, Merlin, Nelson and Sr. and Sra.Carreras dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whip head to the side.] [Music stops. They sit down, all except Sr. Carreras]

Sr. Carreras: Ay, yi, yay! There is no room for both me and my wife in this sofa.

Manuel Ortiz: I’m sorry but I need for one of you to volunteer to leave.

Renata’s Sister: I will. I am too don’t want to do this anyway.

[Renata’s sister gets up, merengue music plays for a little bit and leaves her in mid-dance. She pauses awkwardly, walks out]

Manuel Ortiz: Your son has something to tell you.

Nelson Carreras: Guess what’s ne-e-e-ew?

Sra. Carreras: You found a new girlfriend?

Nelson Carreras: No.

Sr. Carreras: You found a new place to buy juice?

Nelson Carreras: No. I am a gay top! Can you deal with this?

Sra. Carreras: Ay, yi, yay. That explains why he doesn’t like tacos!

Manuel Ortiz: I am being told from the control room that I need to take a break. When we return we have a special surprise. Sr and Sra. Carreras gardener!

Sr. Carreras: Ay, no!

Manuel Ortiz: Si!

Sr. Carreras: Ayyyy!

[Merengue music plays. They keep dancing the merengue] [The Manuel Ortiz Show logo] [cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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