Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 21
The Manuel Ortiz Show
Manuel Ortiz….Fred Armisen
Renata Montoyez….Maya Rudolph
Renata’s sister….Ana Gasteyer
Nelson Carreras….Will Forte
Sr. Carreras….Bobby Moynihan
Sra. Carreras….Betty White
Announcer: You’re watching Telecentro TV Dominicana. At 6:00 Fireworks. Followed by 10:00 JAG. But first The Manuel Ortiz Show.[The Manuel Ortiz Show logo]
Manuel Ortiz: Hola. Welcome to the show. I am Manuel Ortiz. I am here to listen and help you work with your problem. And if I cannot, I’m very,very sorry. My first guest today has lost all contact with her sister. Please welcome, Renata Montoyez.[Merengue music plays]
Manuel Ortiz: Welcome Renata Montoyez.
Renata Montoyez: Oh, muchas gracias Manuel.
Manuel Ortiz: So, what has happened between you and your sister?
Renata Montoyez: [emotional] Oh, this is so hard for me.
Manuel Ortiz: Try.
Renata Montoyez: Ok. My sister, she sleeps with my husband. They say they just esleep but I am not there to make sure.
Manuel Ortiz: Well, guess who’s here? Your sister.
Renata Montoyez: No!
Manuel Ortiz: Yes!
Renata Montoyez: No!
Manuel Ortiz: Let’s bring her out![Merengue music plays. Manuel, Renata and Renata’s sister dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whip head to the side] [Music stops, they sit down]
Renata’s Sister: Buenos dias Manuel.
Manuel Ortiz: Your sister is very upset with you.
Renata Montoyez: You sleep with my husband!
Renata’s Sister: So? We’re amigos with benefits.
Manuel Ortiz: I have a surprise for both of you. Let’s bring him out![Merengue music plays. Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister and Merlin dance the merengue. A couple of steps and whip the head to the side.] [Music stops, they sit down]
Renata Montoyez: Merlin, why are you here?!
Manuel Ortiz: Merlin has something to say. He wanted to wait to tell you together in front of a studio audience.
Merlin: Yes. Both of you. Hold my hands. [Renata and her sister hold hands with Merlin] I think….I am gay.
Renata Montoyez: You did this to him!
Renata’s Sister: No! I did nothing to him. This is what has happened.
Manuel Ortiz: So, I have someone here who wants to see Merlin. Please welcome, Nelson Carreras.[Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister, Merlin and Nelson dance the merengue. Merlin checks Nelson’s ass while dancing. A couple of steps, whip head to the side] [Music stops, they sit down]
Nelson Carreras: Oh, a snap on everyone’s faces but Merlin’s.
Merlin: Te amo Nelson.
Nelson Carreras: Te amo Merlin.
Manuel Ortiz: Nelson, did Julisa the make-up girl, prepared you?
Nelson Carreras: No. Do I have a shine?
Manuel Ortiz: Yes, a terrible one.
Nelson Carreras: Ah!
Manuel Ortiz: Julisa, we need powder![Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister, Merlin and Nelson dance the merengue. Julisa dances and powders Nelson’s face. A couple of steps, whip head to the side. Julisa jumps out of camera range] [Music stops, they sit down]
Manuel Ortiz: Now Nelson, there is something very special that you wanted to do today.
Nelson Carreras: Yes. My parents don’t know I’m gay.
Manuel Ortiz: Then let’s bring them out. Sr y Sra. Carreras![Merengue music plays] [Manuel, Renata, Renata’s sister, Merlin, Nelson and Sr. and Sra.Carreras dance the merengue. A couple of steps, whip head to the side.] [Music stops. They sit down, all except Sr. Carreras]
Sr. Carreras: Ay, yi, yay! There is no room for both me and my wife in this sofa.
Manuel Ortiz: I’m sorry but I need for one of you to volunteer to leave.
Renata’s Sister: I will. I am too don’t want to do this anyway.[Renata’s sister gets up, merengue music plays for a little bit and leaves her in mid-dance. She pauses awkwardly, walks out]
Manuel Ortiz: Your son has something to tell you.
Nelson Carreras: Guess what’s ne-e-e-ew?
Sra. Carreras: You found a new girlfriend?
Nelson Carreras: No.
Sr. Carreras: You found a new place to buy juice?
Nelson Carreras: No. I am a gay top! Can you deal with this?
Sra. Carreras: Ay, yi, yay. That explains why he doesn’t like tacos!
Manuel Ortiz: I am being told from the control room that I need to take a break. When we return we have a special surprise. Sr and Sra. Carreras gardener!
Sr. Carreras: Ay, no!
Manuel Ortiz: Si!
Sr. Carreras: Ayyyy![Merengue music plays. They keep dancing the merengue] [The Manuel Ortiz Show logo] [cheers and applause] [fade]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel