SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 05/15/10

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 21


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:

Bit Players:

May 15th, 2010

Alec Baldwin

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

None

Steve Martin

Jorma Taccone

John Lutz

Jessi Klein

Paula Pell

Kent Sublette


Oil Spill Press ConferenceSummary: Representatives from British Petroleum (Bill Hader), Transocean (Fred Armisen), and Halliburton (Jason Sudeikis) offer lamebrained solutions for cleaning up the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

Transcript

Montage

Alec Baldwin’s MonologueSummary: Alec Baldwin delivers a commencement address for SNL’s 35th season.

Note: Alec Baldwin officially ties Steve Martin’s 15-episode hosting record.

Transcript

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Coked-up guy (Andy Samberg) paranoically sings about having a “Great Day”.

Transcript

Arizona EveningsSummary: A dramatic scene between actors (Alec Baldwin, Andy Samberg) is ruined by new script supervisor, Starfish (Kristen Wiig), and her big teeth.

Swim Team AwardsSummary: Infuriated swim coach (Alec Baldwin) hands awards to all the swim team members he hates.

Transcript

Bedelia’s Birthday CookoutSummary: Bedelia (Nasim Pedrad) would rather hang around her cool Dad (Alec Baldwin) than socialize with her peers at her own birthday party.

Recurring Characters: Bedelia.

Transcript

PrenivaSummary: Sally Field (Abby Elliott) promotes the bone loss health solution for middle-aged women who are needlessly scared by their doctors.

Transcript

Grady Wilson’s Intimate & InternationalSummary: Grady Wilson (Kenan Thompson) demonstrates sex techniques for seniors with the aid of randy Greek Kostos (Alec Baldwin).

Recurring Characters: Grady Wilson.

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers perform “I Should Have Known It”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Orange-colored Snooki (Bobby Moynihan) promotes the second season of “Jersey Shore” and flirts with Seth Meyers. Stefon (Bill Hader) discusses more trendy vacation spots for families. Unprepared Garth (Fred Armisen) & Kat (Kristen Wiig) sing more songs as though they were making them up on the spot.

Recurring Characters: Snooki, Stefon, Garth, Kat.

TimecrowaveSummary: Gram Lampton (Alec Baldwin) and Penny Schmeer (Kristen Wiig) show how you can save time, as long as you remember to send your lunch back from the future.

Transcript

Whistle If You CanSummary: Turner Classic Movies presents “Whistle If You Can”, a 1950’s film in which a businessman (Alec Baldwin) gets his kicks by pressuring a hooker (Jenny Slate) to open up about her past.

Transcript

SnipersSummary: Sniper (Alec Baldwin) orders his combat trainees (Jason Sudeikis, Kenan Thompson) to “Taaay the shaaa!”

Transcript

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers perform “Jefferson Jericho Blues”

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

ScrotoxSummary: The injection that corrects sagging male skin.

Transcript

Teen IdolSummary: A grown woman (Kristen Wiig) finally receives a visit from her favorite teen idol (Alec Baldwin), many years after the fact.

Sex and the CitySummary: Mr. Big (Alec Baldwin) isn’t allowed to have sex.

Finders KeepersSummary: A man (Will Forte) finds a car with his metal detector and doesn’t want to give it back to the rightful owner (Alec Baldwin).

SNL Transcripts