Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 35: Episode 22
Sally Field…..Abby Elliott
[ open on Sally Field seated on couch ]
Sally Field: Hi, I’m Sally Field. I want to talk to you about a problem that lots of women face: Bone Loss. Even if you don’t have it now, no matter what age you are, ALL women are inherently weak and very fragile!
[ Sally stands next to a skeleton ]
Sally Field: You get this ONE body! And this ONE life! You have to take care of this now.
[ she rests her hand on the skeleton’s shoulder, causing it to collapse and shatter at her feet ]
Sally Field: Are ya’ bummed yet? That’s why there’s Preniva. There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with you to take Preniva. You just have to be scared — which you should be.
Preniva makes sure you’ll be able to keep doing your favorite, everyday, low-impact activities. Like doing yoga! Spritzing your plant! Fanning out your magazines! Swallowing pills for other things your doctor scared you with! And having bangs! [ she smiles at her demonstration ]
Preniva won’t solve all your problems — you’ll always be a woman.
[ cut to Sally seated next to a stacked Jenga tower ]
Sally Field: This is the average woman’s spine. And this is your spine without Preniva: [ she pulls a peg from the bottom, causing the tower to topple ] I’m not fucking around, you guys!
[ cut to product logo ]
Announcer: Preniva. Your weakness is our strength.
[ fade ]