SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 05/15/10: Scrotox

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 35: Episode 22








09v: Alec Baldwin / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Scrotox

Spokesperson…..Alec Baldwin
Guy #1…..Bill Hader
Guy#2…..Fred Armisen
Guy#3…..Jason Sudeikis
Nurse…..Jenny Slate
Announcer…..Steve Higgins
Girlfriend…..Abby Elliott

FADE IN:

[ Three MEN all sit next to each other. ]

Guy #1: Fine lines and wrinkles…

Guy #2: …deep furrows and creases…

Guy #3: …sagging skin and looseness…

[ A SPOKESPERSON comes in. ]

Spokesperson: Women aren’t the only ones who want smooth skin – men do too. If sagging skin and wrinkles are holding you back, maybe it’s time you try Scrotox.

[ SUPER: SCROTOX (scrotabotulismtoxina) ]

Guy #1: Scrotox? What’s that?

Spokesman: Scrotox is nothing more than a botulism toxin that we shoot straight into your scrotum.

Guy #2: How does it work?

[ COMPUTER ANIMATION of a male human body appears. It scans down to the testicles. ]

Spokesperson (V/O): Scrotox plumps and tightens a man’s unsightly skin down there.

[ The animation shows the testicles are dark purple and wrinkled. ]

Spokesperson: Aren’t you ready for your prunes to become plums?

[ Time-lapse footage shows two shriveled plums between a large Tootsie Roll on a plate becoming ripe. ]

Spokesperson: Now that’s what I call a smooth set of luggage.

[ All the men laugh. ]

Guy #2: Will I lose feeling down there?

Spokesperson: Oh definitely! It’s poison, but your gents will be ready for their close-up.

[ A NURSE injects a syringe of Scrotox into the center of a shriveled plum. The men squirm, but all smile after seeing the plum ripen. ]

Announcer (V/O): Ask your doctor about Scrotox. Discomfort is usually minimal and brief… but it’s not.

[ EXT. RESTAURANT PATIO – SUNSET ] [ Guy #1 is having a candlelit dinner with his GIRLFRIEND. ]

Girlfriend: Something’s different about you… but I like it.

[ Guy #1 faces the camera. ]

Guy #1: Thanks, Scrotox.

[ SUPER: SCROTOX (scrotabotulismtoxina) ]

Spokesperson: Scrotox – You shoot it straight into your balls.

END

Submitted by: Cody Downs

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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