SNL Transcripts: Amy Poehler: 09/25/10: Mosque at Ground Zero

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 1

10a: Amy Poehler / Katy Perry

Mosque at Ground Zero

Bride…..Vanessa Bayer
Lesbian Partner…..Amy Poehler
Pitchman…..Bill Hader

[ open on footage of a bride walking down the aisle ]

Announcer: You’ve dreamed about this day forever…

[ the bride holds out her hands, reaching out for her lesbian partner ]

Announcer: The day of your gay wedding.

And shouldn’t the most special day of your life… be celebrated in the most special place on Earth?

[ the two women stand before a Muslim congregation, as the scene freezes and the Pitchman pops into frame ]

Pitchman: THE NEW MOSQUE AT GROUND ZERO!! Coming this Fall!! It’s so much MORE than a mosque!!

[ images pop onto the screen as he makes his pitch ]

Pitchman: It’s gonna have a gym! A swimming pool! A child care center! And it’s THE! PLACE! For your GAY WEDDING!!

[ images of people appear ]

Pitchman: Weddings for two women! Weddings for two men! Weddings for a person and an animal!




It’s FIRST Class from top to bottom! For tops and bottoms! With a 20% discount for active military!

And the Mosque at Ground Zero’s conveniently located — you guessed it! Just a stone’s throw from Ground Zero!

[ show map ]

Pitchman: Controversial? Maybe. Fun? Definitely!

‘Cause we also offer up great services! Like: Free naturalization for Mexican citizens! A state-of-the-art pregnancy termination lounge! And a cafe featuring a full espresso bar!

The Mosque at Ground Zero! [ subdued ] It’s nothing to worry about.

[ freeze-frame to negative slide ]

Announcer: It could happen. Paid for by the Republican National Committee. And 70% of the DNC.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Announcer: It could happen. Paid for by the Republican National Committee. And 70% of the DNC.