SNL Transcripts: Amy Poehler: 09/25/10: Mosque at Ground Zero

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 1










10a: Amy Poehler / Katy Perry

Mosque at Ground Zero

Bride…..Vanessa Bayer
Lesbian Partner…..Amy Poehler
Pitchman…..Bill Hader

[ open on footage of a bride walking down the aisle ]

Announcer: You’ve dreamed about this day forever…

[ the bride holds out her hands, reaching out for her lesbian partner ]

Announcer: The day of your gay wedding.

And shouldn’t the most special day of your life… be celebrated in the most special place on Earth?

[ the two women stand before a Muslim congregation, as the scene freezes and the Pitchman pops into frame ]

Pitchman: THE NEW MOSQUE AT GROUND ZERO!! Coming this Fall!! It’s so much MORE than a mosque!!

[ images pop onto the screen as he makes his pitch ]

Pitchman: It’s gonna have a gym! A swimming pool! A child care center! And it’s THE! PLACE! For your GAY WEDDING!!

[ images of people appear ]

Pitchman: Weddings for two women! Weddings for two men! Weddings for a person and an animal!

Fabulous!

Classy!

Friendly!

It’s FIRST Class from top to bottom! For tops and bottoms! With a 20% discount for active military!

And the Mosque at Ground Zero’s conveniently located — you guessed it! Just a stone’s throw from Ground Zero!

[ show map ]

Pitchman: Controversial? Maybe. Fun? Definitely!

‘Cause we also offer up great services! Like: Free naturalization for Mexican citizens! A state-of-the-art pregnancy termination lounge! And a cafe featuring a full espresso bar!

The Mosque at Ground Zero! [ subdued ] It’s nothing to worry about.

[ freeze-frame to negative slide ]

Announcer: It could happen. Paid for by the Republican National Committee. And 70% of the DNC.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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Nuff Said
Nuff Said
2 years ago

Announcer: It could happen. Paid for by the Republican National Committee. And 70% of the DNC.