SNL Transcripts: Bryan Cranston: 10/02/10: The Bjelland Brothers



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 2




10b: Bryan Cranston / Kanye West

The Bjelland Brothers

Jeffrey…..Bryan Cranston
Dan…..Fred Armisen

[Opens with an outside shot of the Target Center arena]

[ Caption: “Minneapolis, MN.” ]

[Cuts to the stage with two long-haired old school soft rock singers. The band behind them play a jangly soft rock song]

Dan: Good evening, everybody!

Jeffrey: Hello! Thank you all for coming.

Dan: Wow!

Jeffrey: Are you ready, Dan?

Dan: I’m always ready. Oh, yeah.

Dan and Jeffrey: [singing] “I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it? I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it? I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it?”

Jeffrey: Oh, remember this song?

Dan and Jeffrey: [singing] “I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it?”

[soft rock theme continues]

Dan: Thank you all so much for coming here tonight. It means so much to me and my brother Jeffrey.

Jeffrey: It sure does. [to the audience] Can you all see us? Even the people in the back? Is that–

Dan: Turn the house lights up a little. We want to see the crowd. [looks into the audience] Mmm, look at that. There aren’t that many people here tonight.

Jeffrey: It’s what professional singers describe as “lightly attended”.

Dan: There are pockets of people. I see a nice little crowd right over there. [points] Hello!

[Three people wander around the empty arena]

Jeffrey: Still, a few more people would’ve been nice. [pointing to the stands] It seems like whole sections are empty.

Dan: Whole sections… you know what? That’s okay. This is our hometown. And we love you!

Dan and Jeffrey: [singing] “I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it? I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it?”

Dan: Hello!

[soft rock theme continues]

Jeffrey: You know, this song hit the Top 200 on the Minnesota charts back in 1979. It’s our only song. How about that?

Dan: It was so nice seeing our name up there. “The Bjelland Brothers”. You know, printed local music magazine. We were shocked.

Jeffrey: Especially since the song itself was written fairly quickly, believe it or not.

Dan: It’s very true. I had sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to a woman I was very interested in…

Jeffrey: Very interested.

Dan: …and I didn’t hear back from her as to whether or not she got it. I was very depressed for about a year. Until one day I walked out into my garage and saw a bottle of sparkling apple juice underneath my table. So, as it turns out, I never sent it.

Jeffrey: He’s very forgetful.

Dan: But you know something? We did get this wonderful song out of it.

Jeffrey: We did.

Dan: What a wonderful thing that is! To write beautiful music.

Dan and Jeffrey: [singing] “I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it?”

Dan: [to the band] Say hello to our band. They’ve been working so hard on this 3-day tour.

Jeffrey: You know, we’ve lost a lot of money on this tour. A lot of money.

Dan: We bought two buses. You know how much a bus costs? We could’ve rented them, but I was just being show-offy in front of my new assistant. So dumb.

Jeffrey: [holding his arms in disbelief] We also hired a chef!

Dan: So stupid. You guys look like a really good crowd.

Jeffrey: They do…they do.

Dan: Do you guys want to sing along? Okay, bring the music down.

[music goes down]

Jeffrey: Bring it down, you guys. Bring the music down just a little.

Dan: [sings] “I sent a—” [holds microphone out into the audience]

Audience: “–bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it?”

Jeffrey: Oh!

[Dan and Jeffrey hold their microphones out to the audience]

Audience: “I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it? I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it?”

Dan: Bring it back up! [soft rock theme comes back stronger] This is the only song we’re doing tonight!

[cut to outside of the Target Center in Minneapolis, MN]

Dan and Jeffrey: “I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house…did you get it? I sent—”

[fade]

[cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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