SNL Transcripts: Bryan Cranston: 10/02/10: Henry


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 2

10b: Bryan Cranston / Kanye West


Henry…..Nasim Pedrad
Dad…..Bryan Cranston

[ open on exterior, suburban house, night ]

[ dissolve to interior, basement, as Henry paints a mural on the wall ]

Henry: [ singing ] “Pegasus, Pegasus, I like your shape
That’s because –”

Dad’s Voice: HENRY!!

Henry: Oh?

[ Dad enters the basement ]

Dad: Pegasus looks GREAT!

Henry: Thanks, Dad!

Dad: Hey, can I talk to you a minute, son?

Henry: Okay!

[ Henry puts his paint supplies down and steps closer to Dad ]

Dad: Now, I-I know the fifth grade can be rough — your mom tells me you’re getting picked on by some bullies.

Henry: Yeah! Today they somehow fit me into my own backpack!

Dad: Well, you’re WAY small.

Henry: Yeah, WAY small! Yeah, definitely the smallest boy. Probably smaller than ALL but a couple of girls!

Dad: That’s okay, because I’m gonna teach you how to defend yourself! You know why?

Henry: ‘Cause you were a Green Beret?

Dad: ‘Cause I was a Green Beret! And because I… love… YOU! Alright, Henry! Now — feet steady, hands up, eyes on the target, and COME AT ME!!

Henry: Okay!

[ Henry rushes toward his Dad, only to punched square in the forehead and dropped to the floor ]

Henry: OW!

Dad: Alright.

Henry: Ow, Dad!

Dad: Alright, Champ. Okay. You’re alright. Now, what happened there?

Henry: [ he catches his breath ] Yeah, let’s talk about it! Uhhh — I got my BUTT handed to me, right off the bat!

Dad: Yeah. Yeah. Now, now, what did you think you did wrong?

Henry: Well, I’ll be honest: I went in with LITTLE to NO strategy —

Dad: Ahhh…

Henry: Then, there was the whole punch-in-the-face moment, and it was pretty much just Lights Out from there!

Dad: Yeah, that’s right, Henry. And at what point did you lose the upper hand?

Henry: Ohhh, I’d say from the get-go, and then pretty much steadily throughout!

Dad: And what are you gonna do right now?

Henry: Well… my suggestion is that we both step away from this for about an hour, maybe process this. That way, I can get back to my mural.

Dad: Or: You can come at me EVEN HARDER!

Henry: Okay.

Dad: Now, WHAT are you?!

Henry: Small!

Dad: What do want to BE?!

Henry: Strong!

Dad: HOW are you gonna do that?!

Henry: I’m gonna fight and win!


Henry: Okay!

[ Henry rushes forward, but Dad is able to hold him back with one arm stretched outward ]

Henry: OW!! OW!! Dad — Ow!

[ suddenly, Dad knocks Henry to the floor with a suckerpunch ]

Dad: Aw, Henry, dammit! Are you okay?

Henry: Yes. But — ow!

Dad: Oh, now what happened there, Champ, huh?

Henry: Let’s see — Once again, I got ABSOLUTELY dominated —

Dad: Yeah, you got ABSOLUTELY dominated! Now, WHY did you let me DO that?!

Henry: Well, that time I was focused on staing on the balls of my feet —

Dad: Ah!

Henry: So THAT all checked out.

Dad: Uh-huh.

Henry: But that I-was-punched-in-the-face time, and I just have NO answer for that!

Dad: Now, Henry, you gotta keep your arms UP!

Henry: Right! Again, Dad, I feel like everything you’re saying makes perfect sense on paper… but, when I’m actually IN the fight —

Dad: It’s a lot harder.

Henry: It’s a LOT harder, yeah! I get tired, like, almost immediately. If I’m being completely honest, there ARE moments during the fight when I wish I was doing ANYTHING else! And, again, there’s just a WHOLE lot of thinking about my mural!

Dad: Oh, yeah — and it SHOWS! Now, I need to hear it again: What are you?

Henry: Small!

Dad: What do you wanna be?

Henry: A mural artist?

Dad: [ disgusted ] HEN-RYYYY!

Henry: Strong!

Dad: Now, okay! What should you do with FEAR?!

Henry: Have less of it?

Dad: Right! Right! Right! So come on — let’s DO thiS! KNOCK! ME! OUT!

Henry: Okay!

[ Henry lunges toward his dad, but is immediately placed in a chokehold ]

Henry: Oh..!

Dad: Now, Henry — why’d you — why’d you let me get you in a chokehold?

Henry: Uhhh — you’re asking me to take myself OUT of the situation —

Dad: Uh-huh?

Henry: But I’m STILL very much IN it! Also, could you let go? ‘Cause I think my face is starting to DIE!

Dad: Whoa, whoa, whoa…

Mom’s Voice: Boys! Dinner’s ready!

Henry: Good!

[ Dad releass his grip on Henry ]

Dad: Okay, we’ll be up in a minute! [ to Henry ] Okay. Ready?

[ Dad lays another suckerpunch across Henry’s face and drops him to the floor ]

Henry: Oh!

Dad: Alright, Son. Now, what happened there, Henry?

Henry: I don’t knoooowwww. I mean, looking back, I’m very PROUD of my performance. I did EVERYTHING right. I mean, in the end, it just came down to superior size and strength!

Dad: Well, obviously, this is gonna take some time. But, I gotta say, you are improving crazy-fast!

Henry: Yeah! I’m improving CRAZY-Fast!

Dad: [ chuckling ] And I LOVE you, buddy, but you’re WAY small!

Henry: WAY small!

[ Dad wraps his arm around Henry and peads the boys upstairs ]

[ cut to exterior view of the house ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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