Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 2
[ open on club scene, Girl sitting at the bar ]
Girl V/O: I was at the club with some friends. That’s when it happened: [ she clutches her stomach ] This burning sensation.
Girl V/O: I was ready to go home. [ Bartender brings a tray toward her ] Then I heard about Pepto-Bismol Ice. [ the thick pink beverage is poured into a glass ] The only antacid that’s also a malt licquor.
Voiceover: Pep-to-Bis-mol Icccccce![ diagram of human figure as pink liquid pours down the throat into the stomach, then bounces back toward the brain ]
Girl V/O: Just one sip, and you’ll taste the relief. Pepto-Bismol Ice gives you relief from your stomach pain and fills your brain with a low-grade alcohol.[ show girl dancing in the club with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol Ice in her hand ] [ SUPER: “Enjoy Pepto Bismol Ice responsibly.” ]
Girl V/O: Pepto-Bismol ice got me off the toilet… and onto the dance floor![ a guy spots her dancing across the floor and crosses toward her ]
Girl V/O: Plus, it’s got that signature pink color that guys love.[ two bottles of Pepto-Bismol Ice are placed on the counter ]
Voiceover: Pep-to-Bis-mol Icccccce![ the girl picks up one bottle to swig, as the guy steps forward and picks up the other bottle and swigs ]
Girl: [ shouting ] It kills the bacteria that causes diarrhea!
Guy: [ shouting ] Nice![ they begin to make out ] [ cut to Bartender pouring a fresh glass of Pepto-Bismol Ice ]
Girl V/O: Pepto-Bismol Ice. Keep the party out of your pants.[ fade ]