Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 2
10b: Bryan Cranston / Kanye West
I-Sleep Pro
Businessman…..Kenan Thompson
[Opens with a black businessman entering a hotel room. He puts his bags down, loosens his tie, he’s ready to go to bed in his pajamas]
Announcer: Traveling can be tough. Especially if you find it difficult to sleep in a strange room. You’ve tried white noise machines, but they just don’t work.
[Black businessman tosses and turns in his bed, unable to sleep]
Announcer: That’s why Sharper Image has created the I-Sleep Pro.
[Black businessman holds the little machine up]
Announcer: The I-Sleep Pro not only has a setting for White Noise… but also one for Black Noise.
[Black businessman sets dial on the I-Sleep Pro machine to Black Noise and goes to bed]
Announcer: Now you have the soothing sounds you’re used to. Sounds like muffled Tyler Perry sitcoms.
[ Caption: “Muffled Tyler Perry Sitcoms.” ]
[Black businessman is fast asleep with the muffled sounds]
[2:23 a.m.]
Voice from Sitcom: [muffled] What if he comes in?! What if he comes in?!
Voice: [muffled] I wish tha’ fool wou’ come in!
Announcer: An old lady complaining about foot problems through the wall.
[ Caption: “Old Lady Complaining About Foot Problems.” ]
Voice: [muffled] Lord Jesus! I can’t walk on it no mo’!
Announcer: Bass.
[ Caption: “Bass.” ]
[4:52 a.m.]
[Sounds of muffled rap heavy bass. Thump, thump, thump. Black businessman sleeps like a baby]
Announcer: Domestic arguments.
[ Caption: “Domestic arguments.” ]
Female Voice: [muffled] I told ya’! I don’t know him!
Male Voice: [muffled] You lie!
Announcer: And the movie “Friday”.
Voice of Ice Cube: [muffled] You think he playin’ wit’ you?!
Voice of Chris Tucker: [muffled] Man, that fool ain’t goin’ do nothin’!
Announcer: So you can get the rest you need. And get ready to take on the world.
[Black businessman is all relaxed in his business suit getting ready to leave his hotel room. He smiles.]
Announcer: I-Sleep-Pro. Get the sleep you need.
[I-Sleep-Pro machine next to a wonderful breakfast plate. 7:00 a.m.]
[ Caption: I-Sleep Pro logo. ]
[fade]
[cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel