SNL Transcripts: Jane Lynch: 10/09/10

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 3


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Air Date:

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Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

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October 9th, 2010

Jane Lynch

Bruno Mars

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Ask Gloria AllredSummary: Attorney Gloria Allred (Nasim Pedrad) answers vicious questions critiquing her desperate need to be in the spotlight.

Transcript

Montage

Jane Lynch’s MonologueSummary: Jane Lynch performs her self-written, ego-driven version of a “Glee” theme song.

Damn It, My Mom Is On Facebook FilterSummary: The tool that filters Facebook posts and photos so that moms won’t know what their children are ready up to online.

Transcript

GleeSummary: Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) introduces a new student to the Glee Club — the sadistic prankster Gilly (Kristen Wiig).

Recurring Characters: Gilly.

The New Boyfriend Talk ShowSummary: Zack (Andy Samberg) interviews skanky mom’s (Jane Lynch) latest boyfriend (Jason Sudeikis) over breakfast while celebrating the show’s 100th episode.

Recurring Characters: Gene Simmons.

Transcript

Coven to Elect Christine O’DonnellSummary: Christine O’Donnell (Kristen Wiig) insists that she’s not a witch in her latest campaign ad.

Recurring Characters: Christine O’Donnell.

Transcript

Secret WordSummary: Emcee Lyle Round (Bill Hader) is frustrated when celebrity panelists Mindy Gracin (Kristen Wiig) and Peggy Zellers (Jane Lynch) are unable to grasp the concept of the game without sacrificing their huge egos.

Recurring Characters: Lyle Round, Mindy Gracin.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Therapist (Jane Lynch) keeps inserting herself into patient’s (Andy Samberg) “Relaxation Therapy” session.

Transcript

Returns and ExchangesSummary: To prepare for a movie role, Denzel Washington (Jay Pharoah) works the Returns counter at Macy’s and haggles a customer (Jane Lynch).

Recurring Characters: Denzel Washington.

Transcript

Bruno Mars performs “Just The Way You Are”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Mark Zuckerburg (Andy Samberg) admits his impetus for creating Facebook was just to meet girls. Mexican tourism director Miguel Conjeros (Fred Armisen) only wants to talk about the beaches and pretends no to comprehend questions about drugs and border patrols.

The Suze Orman ShowSummary: Suze Orman (Kristen Wiig) is insistent on proving that her old college roommate (Jane Lybch) is still a lesbian.

Recurring Characters: Suze Orman.

Sunday Night FootballSummary: Faith Hill (Jane Lynch) sings a neverending theme song, eventually causing Al Michaels (Jason Sudeikis) and Cris Collinsworth (Bill Hader) to miss the big game.

Recurring Characters: Al Michaels.

Transcript

Bruno Mars performs “Grenade”

Tax MastersSummary: Patrick Cox (Jason Sudeikis) wants to film the company’s commercial from an angle that allows visibility of his tiny twin brother (Fred Armisen) embedded on the side of his head.

GoodnightsTranscript

Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Anderson Cooper 360Summary: Anderson Cooper (Taran Killan) interviews CNN personalities about their channel’s sagging ratings.

Recurring Characters: Anderson Cooper, Larry King.

Man vs. WildSummary: Accident-prone man (Bill Hader) makes a mess while receiving a cooking lesson from a master chef (Jane Lynch).

GrizzliesSummary: A group of moms (Jane Lynch, Kristen Wiig, Abby Elliott) raise grizzly bear cubs.

Burl’s PartySummary: Burl (Bobby Moynihan) celebrates losing weight but doesn’t want to get out of his chair.

American America: I HippieSummary: In a cartoon by Dana Carvey, a hippie talks about the good old days.

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