SNL Transcripts: Jane Lynch: 10/09/10: Coven to Elect Christine O’Donnell

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 3

10c: Jane Lynch / Bruno Mars

Coven to Elect Christine O’Donnell

Christine O’Donnell…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on Christine O’Donnell ]

Christine O’Donnell: Hi. I’m Christine O’Donnell… and I am not a witch. I’m nothing like you’ve heard. I’m you. And, just like you, I have to constantly deny that I’m a witch. Isn’t that what the people of Delaware deserve? A candidate who promises, first and foremost, that she’s not a witch? That’s the kind of candidate Delaware hasn’t had since 1692. And that’s why, if elected to the Human Senate, I promise to fly straight down to Washington — [ chuckling nervously ] on a plane! And do exactly what you would do: Not spells. Besides, if I were a witch, why wouldn’t I just cast a spell making all of you forget that I’m a witch? It’s certainly not because the spell requires one newt per person and a lack of a sufficient number of newts.

[ she laughs ]

I know the problems facing our nation, because I’ve been living among you ever since I moved to Delaware from the Black Forest of Germany almost 3,000 years ago. So this November 2nd, vote for Christine O’Donnell, AKA: Zoraida the Enchantress. Because I’m not a witch. And, if I am, do you really want to cross me? I didn’t think so.

[ the camera pulls back to reveal O’Donnell dressed in a witch’s skirt and candy-stripe tights, a skeleton playing a piano, and ghosts floating through the air ]

Announcer: Paid for by the Coven to Elect Christine O’Donnell, who is not a witch.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. View all posts by Don Roy King