SNL Transcripts: Emma Stone: 10/23/10: My Brother Knows Everything


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 4

10d: Emma Stone / Kings of Leon

My Brother Knows Everythings

Morgan…..Nasim Pedrad
Meredith…..Emma Stone
Erik…..Andy Samberg

[ open on snowy TV image ] [ dissolve to camcorder view of Morgan position the camera in front of her ]

Morgan: Hey! I’m Morgan, I’m 11, and you’re watching another episode of… “My Brother Knows Everything”!

[ cut to show logo and images ]

“My brother knows everything!Oh yeah!He pretty much knows everything!He does neat stuff, and then I tell you that stuff!I’m telling you all the stuff that my brother tells me!My brother knows everything!”

[ cut back to Morgan ]

Morgan: Okay! Welcome to the show! Today, as always, I’ll be celebrating my older brother Erik! He’s basically the coolest fifteen-year old, like, in the world. Let’s meet him in a segment called “Get Away From Me!” Check it out!

[ cut to clip: Erik playing X-Box in his room ]

Morgan: Hey, Erik! Can I watch you play X-Box?

Erik: Get away from me!

[ he thrusts his arm forward and pushes the camcorder view away from him; the video feed turns to snow ] [ return to Morgan hosting the show ]

Morgan: Okay, my co-host tonight is my best friend and next-door neighbor — Meredith!

[ reveal Meredith seated at Megan’s right ]

Meredith: Hey, Morgan! Great to be here! And can I just say your brother is a total hunk?

Morgan: Ewww! Gross! But… yeah! Okay! Now it’s time for a segment called… “Erik-splanations”! Here’s what Erik explained to me this week!

Meredith: [ grabbing cue cards ] Okay, Question 1: “What is ‘Freaking’?”

Morgan: That just means “grinding”!

Meredith: Question 2: “What is ‘grinding’?”

Morgan: It’s when you freak!

Meredith: Question 3: “How many times do people have to freak before they have a baby?”

Morgan: Seven! Okay! Now it’s time for a segment called… “Let’s Bro to the Movies”!

Meredith: This week, we’re reviewing “Jackass 3D”.

Morgan: Yeah! But we’re not allowed to see “Jackass 3D”, so, as, always — right? — we eavesdropped on my brother Erik talking about it with his friends!

Meredith: Okay, here’s our review: There’s a giant hand…

Morgan: And, apparently, when you least expect it, there’s a butt!

Meredith: [ she laughs moronically for a period ] Uh, and that’s our review of “Jackass 3D”.

Morgan: We give this movie… three-and-a-half Eriks!

[ graphic appears on-screen ]

Morgan: Okay! Now it’s time for a segment called… “Stop Being Weird”. Check it out!

[ cut to clip: Erik reading on his bed, as Morgan pops into the foreground ]

Morgan: Hey, Erik! Watch this!

[ Morgan begins to make bouncing fish faces ]

Erik: [ as he pushes Morgan out of frame ] STOP BEING WEIRD!!

[ the video feed turns to snow ] [ return to Morgan hosting the show ]

Morgan: Okay.

Meredith: Great.

Morgan: Thanks. Okay, and now it’s time for another segment, called… “Erik’an Idols”! This is where we count down the Top 5 cutest guys from the posters on Erik’s wall! [ she picks up each poster for the reveal ] Number Five: Al Pacino from “Scarface”.

Meredith: Sooooo cute!

Morgan: Yeah! Number Four: Pau Gasol from basketball!

Meredith: He looks like a hot ostrich…

Morgan: Number Three: Hellraiser!

Meredith: Take those nails out, and you got a hunk.

Morgan: Number Two: Mel Brooks as Yogurt in “Spaceballs”.

Meredith: Not my personal style, but I get it.

Morgan: And the Number One cutest guy is:


Meredith: Whoo-oo-oo!

Morgan: That was fun!

Meredith: That was fun!

Morgan: Yeah!

[ sound effect: approaching footsteps ]

Morgan: Uh-oh! The sound of Erik coming up the stairs means it’s time for our LAST segment, called… “What Are You Doing in My Room?”

[ Erik appears ]

Erik: What are you doing in my room?!!

Morgan: I’m doing my show! It’s about YOU! You remember Meredith!

Meredith: [ embarrassed ] Hi… What’s “grinding”?

Erik: It’s when you FREAK!! Quit using my camera!!

[ Erik rushes toward the camcorder and turns the picture to snow ] [ the screen exits onto earlier filmed footage: Erik practicing with nunchuks ]

Erik: Erik’s Nunchuk Demo Reel: Take One! [ he whips the nunchuks around for a minute, then poses ] Ye-eah!

[ screen turns back to snow and returns to fresh footage of Morgan and Meredith smiling ]

Morgan: [ whispering ] Well… that’s our show!

Meredith: [ whispering ] Tune in next week when we finally get to the bottom of… Erik’s underwear drawer!

Morgan: [ whispering ] Yeah!

[ suddenly, Erik rushes back into the scene ]


[ the girl run off screaming ] [ cut to show logo ]

Jingle: “My Brother Knows Everything!”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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