SNL Transcripts: Scarlett Johansson: 11/13/10

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 6

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

November 13th, 2010

Scarlett Johansson

Arcade Fire




China Press ConferenceSummary: During press conference in China, President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen) manages to once again upset Chinese leader Hu Jintao (Bill Hader) regarding money owed to his country.

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama, Hu Jintao.


Scarlett Johansson’s MonologueSummary: Scarlett Johansson, Dina Lohan (Kristen Wiig), and Ke$ha (Abby Elliott) sing “Class” from “Chicago” to emphasize how people in the entertainment industry no longer display any level of class.

M-TVSummary: Although they no longer play music, M-TV has a smattering of reality-based teen pregnancy programs to choose from.

Recurring Characters: Snooki.


Millionaire MatchmakerSummary: Patty Stanger (Scarlett Johansson) has no interest in findingin a suitable match for mousy lawyer Candace (Vanessa Bayer).

The Manuel Ortiz ShowSummary: Manuel Ortiz (Fred Armisen) walks his endless line of guests through their problems with endless Spanish dancing, as long as the music plays at the correct speed.

Recurring Characters: Manuel Ortiz.

UnstoppableSummary: Denzel Washington (Jay Pharoah) cracks one-liners as he attempts to stop a speeding train in a new action thriller.

Recurring Characters: Denzel Washington.


Hollywood DishSummary: Entertainment hosts Brady Trunk (Bill Hader) and Anastasia Sticks (Kristen Wiig) feign interest while interviewing Scarlett Johansson.

Recurring Characters: Brady Trunk, Anastasia Sticks.

Arcade Fire performs “We Used To Wait”

Weekend Update with Seth MeyersSummary: Former President George W. Bush (Jason Sudeikis) and rapper Kanye West (Jay Pharoah) have miraculously forged a friendship since the former left office. Chatty Gladys Madden (Vanessa Bayer) relates her harrowing experience during a cruise liner unrelated its onboard fire, as bored husband Frank (Fred Armisen) ignores her.

Recurring Characters: George W. Bush.

St. Katherine’s Middle SchoolSummary: Marvin’s (Kenan Thompson) optimism-induced friends repeatedly force him to stand up and fall despite his broken knee.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Student (Andy Samberg) raps “What Was That?” to UN Assembly in regards to head-scratching events from American history.

A Treat from Paula Deen’s KitchenSummary: Paula Deen (Kristen Wiig) loves to cook fattening foods with butter and oil, but is forced to plug eight-ply paper towels for the benefit of her health-conscious viewers.


Arcade Fire performs “Sprawl II: Mountains Beyond Mountains”

Stars of TomorrowSummary: Competing child stars Laura Parsons (Vanessa Bayer) and Amanda Starr (Scarlett Johansson) perform monologues from films intended for an older audience.

Mike’s BusteriaSummary: Buy a ceramic bust from Mike (Fred Armisen) to add that extra touch of class to your mundane daily activities.

Recurring Characters: Mike, Lexie.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

60 MinutesSummary: Reporter (Jason Sudeikis) is giddy with excitement when he gets to interview President Barack Obama (Fred Armisen).

Recurring Characters: President Barack Obama.

What’s That NameSummary: Game show contestants are challenged to recall the name of their buildings’ doormen.

The MilkmaidSummary: A group of guys get their kicks from watching a sexy milkmaid (Scarlett Johansson) milk a cow.

Camel TameSummary: Businesswomen (Kristen Wiig, Nasim Pedrad) avoid embarrassing camel toe by wearing a padded bulge in their tight clothing.

Note: This ad parody will air on next week’s episode.

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