SNL Transcripts: Scarlett Johansson: 11/13/10: M-TV

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 36: Episode 6

10f: Scarlett Johansson / Arcade Fire


Candace…..Scarlett Johansson
Mario Lopez…..Andy Samberg
Nick Cannon…..Jay Pharoah
Teenage Girl…..Vanessa Bayer
Snooki…..Bobby Moynihan

[ M-TV logo ]

Announcer: From M-TV — the network that brought you “16 And Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” — comes a groundbreaking new series that explores how it feels to be young and pregnant… and FABULOUS!

[ reveal new show logo ]

Announcer: It’s “My Super Sweet 16 And Pregnant”!

[ screen sparkles, then dissolves to Candace dressed fabulously for her birthday even though she’s pregnant and lying on a hospital bed ]

Candace: I’m rich… I’m beautiful… and I’m fully dilated! This is gonna be the BEST party ev-er!

[ camera zooms out to reveal her friends circled around the bed ]

Friends: Whoo-oo-ooooooo!!!

[ close-up of Candace breathing in and out ]

Friends: Go, Candace!! Go, Candace!! Go, Candace!! Go, Candace!!…

Announcer: And it gets even MORE pregnant! Get ready for “America’s Best Pregnant Dance Crew”! Hosted by America’s favorite D.I.L.F.: Mario Lopez!

[ cut to Mario Lopez on set ]

Mario Lopez: Albuquerque, New Mexico! Give it up for… Stretch Markz!

[ four pregnant teenagers do a hip-hop dance and bounce on their feet ]

Announcer: And there’s so much more! Nick Cannon represents “Wild’n Out”, with special guest star: A BABY!!

[ Nick Cannon and his crew hurl insults at a baby ]

Nick Cannon: Hey, baby! You think you all that?! Well, your stroller rolled past me! I smelled your diaper, son — that was NASTY! [ he and his crew whoop it up ]

Announcer: Plus: If you liked “Cribs”, then you’ll love… “Cribs”!

[ cut to teenage girl standing in front of a baby crib ]

Teenage Girl: Here it is..! [ she looks unsteadily at the camera ]

Announcer: And from the makers of “Jersey Shore”, it’s “I’m Snooki And Pregnant”!

[ cut to a pregnant Snooki surrounded by guidos in a bar ]

Snooki: [ laughing her ass off ] Dere’s a BABY in here!!! [ she laughs, then downs a shot ] [ cut to M-TV logo ]

Announcer: M-TV. Maternity Television.

[ fade ]

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