Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 6
Mario Lopez…..Andy Samberg
Nick Cannon…..Jay Pharoah
Teenage Girl…..Vanessa Bayer
[ M-TV logo ]
Announcer: From M-TV — the network that brought you “16 And Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” — comes a groundbreaking new series that explores how it feels to be young and pregnant… and FABULOUS!
[ reveal new show logo ]
Announcer: It’s “My Super Sweet 16 And Pregnant”!
[ screen sparkles, then dissolves to Candace dressed fabulously for her birthday even though she’s pregnant and lying on a hospital bed ]
Candace: I’m rich… I’m beautiful… and I’m fully dilated! This is gonna be the BEST party ev-er!
[ camera zooms out to reveal her friends circled around the bed ]
[ close-up of Candace breathing in and out ]
Friends: Go, Candace!! Go, Candace!! Go, Candace!! Go, Candace!!…
Announcer: And it gets even MORE pregnant! Get ready for “America’s Best Pregnant Dance Crew”! Hosted by America’s favorite D.I.L.F.: Mario Lopez!
[ cut to Mario Lopez on set ]
Mario Lopez: Albuquerque, New Mexico! Give it up for… Stretch Markz!
[ four pregnant teenagers do a hip-hop dance and bounce on their feet ]
Announcer: And there’s so much more! Nick Cannon represents “Wild’n Out”, with special guest star: A BABY!!
[ Nick Cannon and his crew hurl insults at a baby ]
Nick Cannon: Hey, baby! You think you all that?! Well, your stroller rolled past me! I smelled your diaper, son — that was NASTY! [ he and his crew whoop it up ]
Announcer: Plus: If you liked “Cribs”, then you’ll love… “Cribs”!
[ cut to teenage girl standing in front of a baby crib ]
Teenage Girl: Here it is..! [ she looks unsteadily at the camera ]
Announcer: And from the makers of “Jersey Shore”, it’s “I’m Snooki And Pregnant”!
[ cut to a pregnant Snooki surrounded by guidos in a bar ]
Snooki: [ laughing her ass off ] Dere’s a BABY in here!!! [ she laughs, then downs a shot ]
[ cut to M-TV logo ]
Announcer: M-TV. Maternity Television.
[ fade ]