SNL Transcripts: Scarlett Johansson: 11/13/10: Unstoppable



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 36: Episode 6












10f: Scarlett Johansson / Arcade Fire

Unstoppable

Denzel Washington as Frank Barnes…..Jay Pharaoh
Chris Pine as Will Colson…..Taran Killam
Rosario Dawson as Dispatcher Connie Hooper…..Scarlett Johansson
Co-worker…..Paul Brittain

[ SUPER: “THIS NOVEMBER” ] [ SUPER: “ALL HOPE RIDES” ] [ dissolve to forward view of train ] [ SUPER: “ON THE COURAGE OF TWO MEN” ]

Frank Barnes: So you’re my new partner, huh? I didn’t know I was runnin’ a day care center!

[ SUPER: “DENZEL WASHINGTON” ]

Will Colson: Yeah, well, I didn’t know I was working in a retirement home, so —

[ SUPER: “CHRIS PINE” ] [ rapid cuts as each man stares the other down until, finally, Denzel cracks a smile and smacks his hands together ]

Frank Barnes: All-right!

[ intercuts of the train barrelling forward and Connie Hooper and co-worker in the dispatch booth ]

Connie Hopper: We have an unmanned train with eight freight cars of hazardous chemicals with no air brakes! It’s not a train — it’s a MISSILE the size of the CHRYSLER BUILDING!

[ cut to the train ]

Frank Barnes: [ chuckling ] Let’s do this, Rookie!

Will Colson: Don’t call me “Rookie”, Old Man! I KNOW trains!

Frank Barnes: Where’d you learn trains, huh? “Thomas the Tank Engine”?

Will Colson: Yeah, where did YOU learn trains, Old Man? From inventing them?

[ rapid cuts as each man stares the other down until, finally, Denzel cracks a smile and smacks his hands together ]

Frank Barnes: Ha ha haaaaa! LOVE IT!

[ cut to dispatch booth ]

Connie Hopper: Guys! We need you to STOP that train… NOW!

Co-worker: It gets worse!

Connie Hopper: It’s on a collision course with a train full of kids on a field trip!

Co-worker: It gets worse!

Connie Hopper: The field trip was to a petroleum refinery, and they all brought home souvenier gasoline! That’s enough flaming kids to hold hands in a circle around the Chrysler Building!

[ cut to the train ]

Will Colson: What are we gonna do?

Frank Barnes: Relax, Rugrat — don’t soil your diaper, huh!

Will Colson: Don’t soil your Depends, Old Man!

[ rapid cuts as each man stares the other down until, finally, Denzel cracks a smile and smacks his hands together ]

Frank Barnes: Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa! ALL-RIGHT!! You see, he’s insulted me and I’m ALLOWING it!!

[ cut to dispatch booth ]

Connie Hopper: Guys! What’s the status?!

Frank Barnes: It seems we’re coming to a begrudging respect for one another! When we met, we focused on our differences!

Will Colson: But now it appears that we have more in common than we thought.

Frank Barnes: Now! What did you want to say?

Connie Hopper: A nursing home shuttle bus got stuck on the track —

Frank Barnes: BOOM!!!

[ an explosion, as the train crashes through the shuttle bus ]

Will Colson: There’s gotta be a way to stop it!

Connie Hopper: We’re trying to figure that out, but we’re going through a hundred years’ of files! It’s like trying to find a needle… in the CHRYSLER BUILDING!

[ SUPER: “INSPIRED BY TRUE EVENTS” ]

Frank Barnes: You’re too YOUNG!!

Will Colson: You’re too OLD!!

[ they rush one another and hug ]

Frank Barnes: I LOVE this guy! [ he cries ] O-kay!

[ cut to dispatch booth ]

Connie Hopper: Here’s the WORST news yet — there’s a train ON TOP OF the runaway train! That’s like a CHRSYLER BUILDING on top of a CHRYSLER BUILDING!

Frank Barnes: Chugga-chugga CHOO-CHOO! Ha haaaa! BOOM!!!

[ an explosion as the train crashes vehicles on the tracks ] [ a helicopter choppers above the train ] [ cut to dispatch booth ]

Connie Hopper: Good news! We’re able to get the runaway on the emergency track!

Will Colson: Where does that go?

Co-worker: [ looking in the files ] 42nd and Lexington — New York.

Connie Hopper: That’s the CHRYSLER BUILDING!

[ cut to exterior, Chrysler Building ] [ train horn sounds ] [ the Chrysler Building explodes ] [ SUPER: “UNSTOPPABLE” ] [ SUPER: “IN THEATERS NOW” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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